What can I do to improve this sales page?

by KristofferIM

Posted: 13 years ago 13 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey guys,

I have a sales page up and running for one of my products and would love some feedback.

Here's the link: No need to tamper with my conversion tracking anymore. Got lots of help

Any tips regarding what I can do to increase conversions is appreciated.

Thanks!

#improve #page #sales

littlekid 13 years ago

maybe you can add testimonials from member who have purchased your product. no matter if those are videos or only mp3s, maybe some words are not bad.. i think visitor will ensured with this..
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- KristofferIM 13 years ago
  
  Thanks little kid. I will get on that.
  
  Thanks
  
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  Frodr 13 years ago
  
  I think the headline could be a little stronger. as in a more specific example of a cheap flight that you booked. or maybe you could use the line about "how to get airline tickets at a fraction of the normal cost" with a line like that people will know exactly what it is that your offering.
  
  other than that, looks like a decent product.
  
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  virginiad 13 years ago
  
  Hi,
  
  Your headline would be stronger if it focused on "you" and not "me"
  
  ie..."the system that you can use", not "the system that I use"
  
  It may seem small, but the reader cares much more about what they can do, and making your copy as "you" focused as possible will make a difference.
  
  The only "I" copy should tell why the reader should listen to you...why you are an expert.
  
  Hope this helps
  
  Virginia
  
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  Virginia Drew
  
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KristofferIM 13 years ago

Thanks guys, I'll make some changes to it later today.

More tips are welcomed!
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Kathy_T 13 years ago

Hi KristofferIM,

I think you did a real nice job on your landing page - full of info.

I'll give you a couple of ideas that came off "the top of my head" as I scrolled through:

1) VirginiaD, above is correct: It's important that we always focus on the benefit to a customer - hence: "YOU." For example, "Now You Can Travel the World ....etc" Also, I wonder if the headline could be a little "punchier" or just a bit shorter.

2) You or whoever is in the video has a nice screen presence - I have been taught to put the video up "above the fold." I don't know for certain if that helps conversions or helps keep people on the page, but I have been instructed that it's better to have it "up close and personal."

3) My #2 thought, above, brings me to this one: Can you possibly break up the text a little with a few images? People who are looking at landing pages are typically scanning, and not reading as much. If you can perhaps break it up a little with some pictures and/or bullets (like you do below with the image of the ebook and check marks), that might help as well. Even though I work online, I still find "reading" text versus "scanning" text to be more difficult.

4) Oh... Very important! Back on the YouTube video? This has also been recommended to me by some pros in the business: Be VERY sure to "disable" the "related videos" feature. In other words, after your video is done, advertisements for other videos show up. You defintely don't want people clicking away to someone else's video! It's easy to do: Go into your YouTube account, and go to the video - then BEFORE embedding it, "Unclick" the option to show related videos. THEN get the code. Make the video all about YOUR product.

Those are some thoughts off the top of my head. Hope they help!
Kath
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I love Self Development & Writing! I speak from my heart. My book "Personal Goal Planning Strategies - A Guide to Understanding & Planning Goals & Objectives" is available at Self Development Strategies Please visit to learn more! I used to be a career & life coach, and these techniques have worked for my clients for years.
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copycashvalve 13 years ago

I'm not sure about the title "Real Cheap Flight System" . People like being sold bargins, they don't like being sold "cheap" products.

It might not make a huge difference though.

Good luck!
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- Bruce Wedding 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by copycashvalve
  
  I'm not sure about the title "Real Cheap Flight System" . People like being sold bargins, they don't like being sold "cheap" products.
  
  We better let cheaptickets.com know so they can find a decent domain
  
  If the product is real, it will sell. Here are a couple of things at a quick glance:
  
  Your headline needs a trip to the butcher shop...
  
  "Let me present to you the system that allows me to travel the world with cheap flights, 12 months per year even though I only have a budget of $1,000 per month"
  
  Whew! Let me get the chain saw out. Tell me, am I making the same point in 10 words as you make with 32 or not?
  
  "Travel the world with cheap flights, 12 months per year"
  
  Second, that video... It is you, trying to appear like a testimonial. Don't say you found a website, when it is your own website. And I'm cool with your hair but I am afraid much of your demographic will not be. Why not just talk and do a Powerpoint screen capture, showing some case studies and real benefits.
  
  Third, $7? Way too cheap. The only way to promote $7 products is via JV(which nets you a whopping $3.50 a book) or organic SEO. You can't afford PPC or any other paid advertising at $7 a book.
  
  Fourth, your bullets are far from compelling. Let's look:
  
  * A secret method that will drive the booking agencies crazy.
  So what? How bout a secret method that gets me a $300 airfare for $79?
  
  * The place for dirt cheap tickets where nobody else is even looking for them.
  
  This is your best bullet but could be written to be a lot more intriguing, for example:
  
  * A virtually unknown place to snag air tickets at bus ticket prices... 99.9% of air travelers never even think to look here. (and when you see it, you will slap yourself and say, "Why didn't I think of that?")
  
  * How to get a travel agent to decrease his mark up so that you can travel for cheap.
  Do people still use travel agents?
  
  * How to time your booking so you'll get your tickets AT LEAST 25% cheaper then everybody else.
  
  How bout: The exact time of day to call to knock AT LEAST 25% off any ticket... (call 15 minutes later or earlier and you pay the price)
  
  * And so much more...
  
  This is written by lazy copywriters. If there is so much more, tell me about it. If not, leave this bullet out.
  
  Now some general comments.
  
  You need real world examples... lots of them! I would love to see screenshots, ticket receipts, credit card bills, whatever. And some testimonials from happy customers.
  
  Your value building for your price is lousy. I realize it is a $7 product, but after you make it $47, you will need to build value by mentioning that they will make it back on the first ticket purchase and the rest is money in the bank.
  
  Your PS is weak. Cut the entire first sentence, "In case you scrolled all the way down here and didn't read the letter, let me recap what I'm offering here."
  
  Your guarantee is week. Write something resembling a strong PERSONAL guarantee.
  
  There's more but that's all the time I have. Good luck.
  
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  copycashvalve 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding
  
  We better let cheaptickets.com know so they can find a decent domain
  
  First off nice writeup, specifically nailing the bullet points.
  
  I think cheaptickets.com works because it's a one and done deal. You'd much rather have cheap tickets than a "real cheap flight system".
  
  I don't know that's just what my mind thinks.
  
  Thanks
  
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cymbals 13 years ago

Great stuff, Bruce. That can be applied to a lot of situations.
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redcell1 13 years ago

Wow that was great stuff Bruce, learned alot from just that one post.
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Just here to see the shenanigans.
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KristofferIM 13 years ago

First of all, you guys rock! Thanks for taking the time and helping me out.

Kathy_T: Thanks, I removed the related videos.

Bruce Wedding: Thanks for the advice regarding the headline. I went ahead and changed that. It's actually not me in the video though, but I'm afraid you'll be right about the demographics.. Regarding the price, this product is actually part of a method from a WSO I got here. You know the one about building an empire with 7 dollar products? Also, thanks for the tips regarding the bullets. I used what I could without being a lair I don't want to make claims that are to bold. I will defenetly take some time and think about how I can implement the rest of the tips you gave me as well.

Thanks all for your advice!
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Kathy_T 13 years ago

It is a great forum, and I'm sure you aren't the only one benefitting from it KristofferIM! I love copywriting, and I am also learning a lot!

Thank you, Bruce Wedding, for those excellent and VERY indepth details.
Kath
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I love Self Development & Writing! I speak from my heart. My book "Personal Goal Planning Strategies - A Guide to Understanding & Planning Goals & Objectives" is available at Self Development Strategies Please visit to learn more! I used to be a career & life coach, and these techniques have worked for my clients for years.
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