8 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
8 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Please Critique My Email

by Steve Holmes
6 replies
Hi Tom,

I have viewed several of the great photographs within your website, your blog also and would like to offer you the opportunity to present 26 pieces of your best work in a video I would like to show you - this is not your average video.

As I am sure you may well know, webmasters only have a few seconds to capture the interest and imagination of a visitor to our website, Facebook page or Youtube before they leave.

This is why online video is the fastest growing medium in history, as it engages the potential clients to interact and feel more involved. This brings about emotion and a feeling of connection which very often leads to increased conversion rates.

You can view the video here: TechSmith | Screencast.com, online video sharing, Photographic Memory(HDV) (view in full screen).

I have included some default images to give you a feel of how your own work would fit into your video. I can edit all of the text to fit your own name for branding and also add in your contact details as required such as website address and contact number.

There is another video I have which is here: TechSmith | Screencast.com, online video sharing, Wedding Photography

I was initially going to be offering this video as a service to newlyweds as a digital photo album to remember their wedding by, however I think it would be highly effective as a tool or yourself. See, you can optimise a video for specific online keyword phrases and then brand the video to you, allow me to explain Tom.

The video as I am sure you can see, is a story book that I can edit to be customised to you and your business. I have been doing internet marketing for over 4 years now and with my knowledge, I can optimise the video for certain keywords such as "wedding photographer London".

That phrase in particular is typed into Google on average 6,600 times / month.

The more optimised your video is for those keywords and other similar ones, the more views the video will get such as the following video I found which was uploaded 5 months ago on youtube:
I don't own that video but I am sure you can see the importance of distributing engaging videos on the web.

Did you know Youtube is the second biggest search engine in the world, receiving over 2 billion views per day? There will be people typing in "wedding photographer London" into Youtube rather than Google - people love video.

I truly believe you are missing out without having a fantastic video which is positioned all over the web where it can be seen. It is also something which is often shared through Facebook as a type of "I was there" or a "this is our photographer" social statement.

How many extra customers do you think you would need to make a video like this worthwhile Tom?

If you would like to discuss this further, then I very much look forward to answering any questions you may have.

If this is something you would like to start as soon as possible with Christmas approaching, I can add the images to the video in any order you wish, just order the file names as "image 1" etc and I will add them in that order. The text can be changed to literally anything you like so that's not a problem either.

Please note that rendering these high quality videos will take about 16 hours or so. I can format them in .mp4 for faster streaming.

Again, I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,
Steve Holmes


What do you guys think, what needs to be changed?


Thx for any feedback
#critique #email
  • Profile picture of the author copycashvalve
    I love adobe after effects, video is great.

    The email insn't bad, will it work? I don't know, I really don't have an ,understanding of your clients needs and wants so it's not my position to critique it.

    but good job.
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895167].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Respectfully, one email isn't going to do anything.

    Email communication is a STREAM of communication. That stream needs to be friendly, offering ideas... insights... personal revelations... a bit of humor... personality... opportunity... information... and an occasional offer to do some business together.

    You don't have to do everything at one time. Email supports a relationship which you are ever-supporting.

    Bottom line, one email just isn't going to cut it no matter how good it is.

    - Rick Duris
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895428].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Omar Khafagy
    Nick hit the nail on the head with his post. Email is just one means by which you can communicate, but sending just one email is pointless.

    Many people will ignore it, or be interested and tag it in a "read later" bin where it will be promptly forgotten.

    You need to be constantly in the customer (or prospect's) view, and so multiple emails are necessary. We require multiple exposures to ads in order to even notice that they're there. So one email really won't cut it.

    Also, you have omitted one of the most crucial components to any email: the subject line. That subject line is like a sales letter's headline -- 80% of your success is derived from it.

    So what's your subject line?
    Signature

    Omar Khafagy
    Administrator of www.CopywritingBoard.com

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895543].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Steve Holmes
      Originally Posted by Omar Khafagy View Post

      Nick hit the nail on the head with his post. Email is just one means by which you can communicate, but sending just one email is pointless.

      Many people will ignore it, or be interested and tag it in a "read later" bin where it will be promptly forgotten.

      You need to be constantly in the customer (or prospect's) view, and so multiple emails are necessary. We require multiple exposures to ads in order to even notice that they're there. So one email really won't cut it.

      Also, you have omitted one of the most crucial components to any email: the subject line. That subject line is like a sales letter's headline -- 80% of your success is derived from it.

      So what's your subject line?
      No idea yet :confused:

      This is the first time i've attempted to do anything like this and as you can tell, it's not my strong point.

      What would you guys suggest I do to ensure the people I speak to/ mail or whatever isbest, become my customer?

      I think the videos are good enough but I need to get my marketing right, which I admit, isn't my strongest point.

      Steve
      Signature
      "Live like you'll die tomorrow, Learn like you'll live forever" - M. Ghandi
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895555].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Omar Khafagy
        Steve,

        Good artists borrow, great artists steal. The secret to becoming a good copywriter is to "steal". Of course, do it a little more surreptitiously than blatantly ripping it off

        Here's what to do: find someone online doing something similar to what you are doing. Join that person's email list, and see what things they send. Make sure that the people you are "following" are indeed successful at what they do. This is all part of your niche research.

        Their subject lines are what you're looking for, because that's what will get the email open. It's very difficult to accomplish even this, so you'll want to borrow as many 'subject lines' as you can and modify them. I have personally found that short subject lines with incomplete sentences that you resolve within the first few sentences of your email works wonders.

        I should also add something more specific to the email you've shown me. It seems like this was written to someone in particular, a very specific person. If this is the case, then you'd do well to get EXTREMELY specific in both subject line and the first line.

        Let me explain: You've already stated that you like some of "Tom's" pictures, but which ones? Why? Is it just B.S. flattery? Or is it genuine?

        Of course, if you're sending to a large number of prospects, it's difficult to be that specific, but if you don't have a big list and the process is not automated, that kind of specificity can give you some serious leverage. Especially if you mention it in the subject line.

        "NAME OF PICTURE" is beautiful, I especially appreciated the..."
        Hi NAME,

        I wanted to email you to tell you that I really loved NAME OF PHOTOGRAPH. I was impressed by your attention to detail and the way you truly captured the beauty of the bride. She looks absolutely stunning, but your picture helped bring out her soul.

        I don't offer this to many people, but your photos are of such a high quality that I had to send you an email -- talent like yours ought to be seen by everyone.

        (Go into the pitch).


        Now of course, I don't know how photographers think, but I do know that MANY artists are not doing what they do for the money alone. If they're really good at what they do, they're doing it because they absolutely love it. It is rare that someone appreciates their work. So by showing that you do, they may be more receptive to what you have to say.

        Of course, your appreciation ought to be genuine. =)

        Omar
        Signature

        Omar Khafagy
        Administrator of www.CopywritingBoard.com

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895765].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Steve Holmes
    Damn, clearly I have a lot to learn.

    Thanks so mych Omar for taking the time out to give me so much specific advice.

    Yes this isn't automated, I literally look for photographers I think can afford my services and get in touch. I have the videos but only started the end game if you like, today.

    I have only sent 1 email to one person because I want to refine my process without saturating my top prospects.

    I don't think anyone else is doing this in terms of lists I can join. Sure there are digital marketing agency's but they wouldn't send out pitches i don't think.
    Signature
    "Live like you'll die tomorrow, Learn like you'll live forever" - M. Ghandi
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2895915].message }}

Trending Topics