Calling Copywriters-Copywriting Critique-FREE PRODUCT-For the Best 3

6 replies
Hi!

I'm just about ready to launch my site and I've done the best possible job I know regarding the copy but I'm sure there's scope for improvement!

I'd love to have a detailed critique of my sales page copy and layout (hopefully from experienced copywriters) -- Suggestions on what I need to change and how I can make it better-Either in copy or layout..

I'd love to give the best 3 critiques a free copy of the product in appreciation of the time they've taken to give me their detailed insightful suggestions on how I can make the sales copy/page better and the specific copy changes I should make..

Thanks so much everyone! It's shaping out to be a great product--solely because of your inputs and help You all rock!

Here is the link--
Wacky Christmas Games

Thanks again!
Lakshmi
#calling #contest #copywriterscopywriting #copywriting #critique #critiquefree #productfor
  • Profile picture of the author Len47811
    Looks pretty good to me,although im not a copywriter technically.Did you do the sales copy free style or use a sales copy maker program?
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    Len

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    • Profile picture of the author Aurora9
      Hey Len,

      Wrote the copy myself--No programs...

      Thanks!
      Lakshmi
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      • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
        Your headline lays it on too thick:

        How much MORE FUN would You have if you knew 50 ways to spend
        Christmas Eve ? - this is your "eyebrow"

        It's the Season to be JOLLY! Shouldn't there be more to
        do than just watch Christmas Reruns on TV? - cut this out.

        Discover how YOU can Transform Christmas Eve into an Enchanting Experience with a Sensational Christmas Games Package that's Finally Available for the First Time! - this is your headline.


        THIS IS MORE LIKE I WOULD WRITE IT:


        eyebrow:
        Discover more than 50 ways to have a great
        time bonding with friends and family this
        Christmas Eve.

        Headline:

        "Transform Your Holiday Experience With A Christmas Games Package That
        Brings Your Family Together"

        Then tell a story about how your holidays were transformed into a close
        bonding experience with your friends and family - how together you
        discovered the true joy of the holidays by focusing on fun things to do
        together instead of (examples of boring activities).
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  • Profile picture of the author Rob Canyon
    Aurora,

    I'm with Loren... Headline is good but needs work to become great.

    Tip #1 - Questions in headlines are Sales Killers... Actually come to think
    of it 99% of the time they won't help anywhere in your copy...
    unless the answer your readers have in their minds is YES.

    Loren's headline causes readers to think to themselves - Yeah,
    I want that... or at least it excites the reader enough that they are willing
    to commit enough time to scroll down the page and consider it further...

    That's the kind of headline you need... and you can do it...

    Cheers,

    Rob
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  • Profile picture of the author Abigail Beal
    Hi Lakshimi,

    I'm a Christmas fanatic so I sent you some comments. I hope they are helpful. I'm no experts on sales letters but I do write professionally.

    What a great product. How perfect for the holiday season!!!!

    Abby
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  • Profile picture of the author Aurora9
    Thank you Loren, Rob and Abby for all your suggestions!

    I'm going to give them so thought and get back.

    Abby thank you for such truly wonderful feedback--I was delighted to have your PM.

    Will get back here shortly,
    Thanks again!!!
    Lakshmi
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