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Site copy critique please..

by daveshu
10 replies
Hello,
would any of you kindly ladies and gents have a look at the copy on my revamped site and tell me what you think.

The site is here: SEO

Just to add that I will be adding some testimonials from a number of customers, I'm just trying to get them all together first, and I'll be adding a lot more free "how to" type guides on there as well.

The money back guarantee is totally genuine, we want to dissassociate ourselves from the many shady seo companies that take money and deliver nothing - you've got to have confidence in your own abilities, right?

The new copy went live about 3 weeks ago, and I reckon our number of enquiries has increased by a factor of 10 - but that's not saying much, it was pretty dismal before

The site previously was far too "technical" - all nuts and bolts and no benefits, but I can't help feel it could still be improved much more.

All helpful comments will be very gratefully received.

Thanks,
Dave
#copy #critique #site
  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    Dave - Who's your prospect? How are they finding you?

    You seem to be talking to people who are already familiar with SEM and SEO. They're probably already using, or have tried, some SEO. Is that who you're targeting?

    If so, you need to address the reasons they'd be looking for your service in the first place. Then build your copy benefits/promise around that.

    For example, if I'm a business looking to boost my sales, it matters not to me that you offer a money-back guarantee if you fail to get me to page 1 of Google. I'm still not making sales.

    By the same token, if that's my focus, and you get me to page 1 of Google, it still doesn't matter to me that you offer a money-back guarantee. You'll have fulfilled your side of the deal, but I'll still be out my investment, and additional sales.

    Right now, because your copy doesn't call out your target market, you can't really build a compelling offer or call to action that's relevant to that market. Identify your market first, and proceed from there.
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  • Profile picture of the author daveshu
    Thanks guys,
    that's exactly what I'm looking for!

    With regards to who's the customer - I know what you mean!

    I expect all of our customers to find us via google, so I expect they're all searching for seo and know what it is, etc.

    The reason for the money back guarantee is from a conversation with a prospective client who chose a company where you only needed tp pay half now, the other half a month later, so they were "putting their money where their mouth is."

    Of course I pointed out that actually they were putting his money where their mouth was, since irrespective of whether he paid the 2nd half, they still had the 1st half.

    Anyway, I think that it's such a subjective subject that people do worry about whether they'll get anything for their money, so thats why we're doing the guarantee.

    But I do understand and agree with the "bottom line" issue you raise - you need to make money and whether you're on page 1 or not thats what qualifies the exercise as a sucess or not.

    I do think thats the bottom line by the way - more sales.

    I'll think how to incorporate these ideas into it, thanks for the help!
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      Originally Posted by daveshu View Post

      Thanks guys,
      that's exactly what I'm looking for!

      With regards to who's the customer - I know what you mean!

      I expect all of our customers to find us via google, so I expect they're all searching for seo and know what it is, etc.

      ...
      I do think thats the bottom line by the way - more sales.
      You should KNOW this from your tracking. And, you ARE tracking your site, aren't you...


      Don't assume. If you don't know; find out.


      Originally Posted by daveshu View Post

      The reason for the money back guarantee is from a conversation with a prospective client who chose a company where you only needed tp pay half now, the other half a month later, so they were "putting their money where their mouth is."

      Of course I pointed out that actually they were putting his money where their mouth was, since irrespective of whether he paid the 2nd half, they still had the 1st half.

      Anyway, I think that it's such a subjective subject that people do worry about whether they'll get anything for their money, so thats why we're doing the guarantee.
      Not subjective at all. Look at your existing and past client base. Why did they come to you? What did they want you to do for them?

      Then look at your top 10% of clients. Ask the same questions.

      Those 10% clients are the market you want to go for. And I will "guarantee" you, they weren't just looking for an SEO firm that offered a money-back guarantee.

      What does such a guarantee give them? An assurance that you, too, have something valuable on the line: you've got skin in the game. However, unless you spell out the value of that guarantee (time, labor, etc), the guarantee is never going to be as powerful as it could be.
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      • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
        Copy needs to be above the fold...but what's down there now is just amateurish, wordy, unemotional and not benefit driven. I'm just curious...

        If you're the SEO pros, why not hire a copywriting pro to write your site? Everything else looks great and professional, why have a weak link in the copy when there are people who have mastered it and can save you the time and energy spent asking for a processing suggestions?
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        • Profile picture of the author daveshu
          Thanks Guys.

          Seth, whats down there on the home page is exactly how the site was originally. I left the original content lower down because I didn't want the whole content on the site to change at once, I didn't want Google thinking it was an entirely different site.

          The content on the other pages is hopefully better than that.

          It might be an idea for us to get a pro copywriter, but I'll see how it goes for a while, but yes it's something we've considered.

          One thing to bear in mind is that most seo companies have very poor copy, it's full of technical jargon, facts, stats, figures, etc but they come across as very cold. They aren't benefit driven at all.

          I spoke to a new client today, and one of the things that made him choose us was that we are more "human" whilst the rest of the companies he approached were far too corporate.

          He said they presented him with great looking PDFs, etc but apart from that he felt he would be dealing with a corporate machine.

          My reasoning was that it needs to be quite personal to give people the confidence they need, and thats what I've tried to do.
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  • Profile picture of the author bareket57
    It's a beautiful site. Nicely designed, and very professional looking.
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  • Profile picture of the author Vincenzo Oliva
    Those 3 boxes in the middle are not needed for the purpose you're using them, it's already on the top categories. That would be a great place for 3 strong testimonials.
    And if your going to ask "How much does it cost" which I don't recommend this early in your presentation, then TELL them which you don't.
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  • Profile picture of the author MonsterZero
    "We’ll get you to page 1 of Google or we’ll give you a 100% refund – Guaranteed!"

    There's your hook. Put this at the top of your page instead of burying it below the fold. Make sure it stands out so that it's the FIRST thing that your audience sees.

    Oh, and I just noticed this:

    "PLUS we’ll ALSO pay you the interest that you would have earned if your money had remained in your bank account."

    Do you really intend to keep this promise? If so, you should be trumpeting it from the heavens.

    Your site ranks on page 1 of Google or your money back ... plus interest!

    Now take the page where you describe your guarantee in detail and cut it down by half. You keep saying the same things over and over, but there's something important missing--how long do you have to accomplish this ranking and what does the customer do to get his money back? Also, how is interest calculated?

    See, making a guarantee this strong can actually work against you if it doesn't seem believable. So spell out the details.
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