Critique my Squeeze Page

Ask only for the email, it will bump up your conversion rates.

Also, you need to personalize it. In its current form people don't know who are what is offering the information. Either put a picture of you or a stock photo of someone if you're working a pen name in the niche, but you need to have something to identify the source of the info as a person.

After doing this, I'd add in a line or two about the person being an expert in human resources or something to build creditability.

Headline could be alot stronger. You should also use a bolded Tahoma font for your headline. Don't italicise it.

Maybe use a few bullets and keep the opt in form above the fold.

Use a "Get Instant access" button like this:


Every little thing can help boost opt ins which is what u are aiming for

Less text.
More Bullet Points
..and definitely get above the fold.

Thanks for the tips.

Any suggestions about what I should include in the header?

missing personal video ,
I would try to avoide such words like secret...etc
title should be more specific and avoid newspaper language ads, write it like you are saying it

A good headline is a headline with SPECIFIC DETAILS to your demo.

I don't know the details of your content - but as opposed to: "Cover Letter Secrets That Will Land You An Interview", you could run with something like, "Discover 7 SIZZLING Cover Letter Secrets That Will Have Your Phone RINGING OFF THE HOOK With Interview Offers!" .. off the top of the head.

That alone will increase the amount of eyeballs moving past the headline. The more specific you get - the better

Words like "secrets" and "hot" and "tips" come highly recommended from noteworthy seven-figure earners like Kathleen Gage and Christian Mickelsen, so I think he's on the right target using "secret."

Stephanie

I agree with Vadym, something about the title. I tried to read it out, it kind of gets stuck.

"Cover Letter Secrets" sort of becomes one word when I read it out loud, if you know what I mean.

Edit: Other than that, I like the no-hype style.

Mike,

I'm not a professional, I'm not a great writer. Though I wanted to share my own 'feelings' about your page. Hope they offer some pointers for you to consider.

*Change text into 4 or 5 strong bullets.
*Use other fonts, something more 'catchy' in terms of design. (like the font of your access-button)
*the text of the 'we will never...' is hardly readable on my screen.
* Definitely put everything above the fold. (should be easy with just a headline + 5 bullets)

It's not bad. It's just not good. Yet.

I did a little clicking and found that your client (I'm assuming he's your client) is sending the prospect through a 3-click process.

My first impression is that you (or your client) have not designed a clear sales funnel, and your squeeze has been created in something of a vacumn. This is Marketing Mistake #1.

EVERY piece of marketing copy should have relevance to the sale. If it doesn't - get rid of it.

In this case, it seems that the client is just looking to build a list, before sending them on to his affiliate offer. However, that's going to put the prospect through a 3-click journey to get to the product. Once for the squeeze; once for (presumably) the email; and yet again for the sales page (assuming that's where the prospect is headed). And yet another click for the purchase. And here's the problem:

The squeeze copy is so generic, it doesn't make it worthwhile for the prospect to slog the course.

Since you're going the convoluted route, you need to make your squeeze offer MUCH more compelling.

Some suggestions incorporated into the copy below:

Cover Letter Secrets That Will Land You An Interview

Get The Best Cover Letter Tips To Stay Ahead Of Your Competition



Dear Friend [try: Job Seeker. Immediately identify who - exactly - you're talking to.],

Are you struggling to find a job, or even just land a job interview? Some job seekers have been going on for months struggling to just get a job interview, and they have no idea what they are doing wrong. Many people have even given up hope because, let's face it, in the economy we are living in right now it is difficult to find a job.

[This isn't bad copy. Just, meh. How about using the WSJ letter as a model? e.g. Two job candidates with identical qualifications answer an ad. They both send cover letters. One gets the interview. The other never hears from the company. What made the difference? The cover letter.]

The first part of the process of landing a job is promoting yourself through resume and a cover letter. A cover letter is the first thing a company is going to look at if there are two applicants with similar resumes.

[see: WSJ model above. Now you go into: What HR professionals know - and you don't - is that the right cover letter can make all the difference between whether you land an interview from every resume you send out, or sit on your couch watching daytime TV. Which would you prefer?]

The applicant with the better cover letter is going to get the job.

[Actually, the person who gives the best INTERVIEW gets the job. The best cover letter (+ adequate resume) gets the interview. But you can't "wow" the hiring manager if you never get the chance to impress them IN PERSON]

And if you are not the person with the best cover letter, you are out of luck.

Sign up below to receive "secret" information that will almost guarantee you landing a job interview.

["secret" like what "secret"? Give me some teaser bullets here. Flirt with my curiosity. This is like asking a perfect stranger on the street if she wants to go home with you for some hot and dirty afternoon sex - and thinking she'll say "Yes". You may get someone to take you up on your offer, but far more will walk away.]

Receive daily tips about creating the perfect cover letter.

[I don't want "daily tips" I want valuable information that is going to help me land a job NOW. I got bills to pay... remember? If your client doesn't have a specific # sequence email campaign planned out, he needs to get one.]

You want to be the person with a job, not the one who simply can't find one because of a bad cover letter!

[Clean this promise up a little. e.g. The fact is, you can't land a job if you never get an interview. The interview is where jobs are won - and lost. To get hired, you MUST get to an interview. If you want to help yourself stand out with a dynamite cover letter that jumps out of the pile of "me-too" resumes [DO THIS]...]

Additional suggestions: Overall, tighten up the copy. Go for short, sweet, and powerful. (P.S. No, you don't need to be all hypey and scream to be powerful)

Try to get your signup box above the fold, and certainly not buried below the guy's pic. Where his pic is placed makes it seem as though the letter's over. I had to scroll further down to find the signup box. Don't make your readers hunt to find the action you want them to take. Maybe a 2-column format, with the signup on the top right for easy access.

Hope this helps.

I just wanted to thank all of you that have replied to this post, especially Collette (no offense to anyone else ).

This is the first squeeze page that I have ever made and it sounds like I was on the right track, but just not quite there

Thanks again for the input. I shall be taking all of these points into account in the next few days to get a better copy up and running.

My question is why should the reader give you their email address for cover letter secrets. Guaranteed interview... yeah right. Who are you?

Hmmm... I don't know. Just thoughts that go through my head on landing on the page.

ahh... my famous moving arrow.... i see you added a lil 'grunge' to it. biggest thing is to test.

take everything on that page and test it to see what works and what doesnt

when i had the arrow on my (now famous) 'warning' squeeze page.... it was tested and worked well with that design.... no idea how it would work on this.... you gotta test.