Critique my short "referral" letter (my first copywriting attempt)
Hey everyone! I've been studying copywriting for a little while, but have never actually written any sales letters until now. To gain practice, I'm helping a friend write a referral letter for her driving school. I always thought "the more you tell, the more you sell" but she wants a SHORT letter, and it's on a subject I've never seen covered before. As a result,I think it breaks many of the cardinal rules of copywriting. Am I totally off the mark on this? I would really appreciate any and all comments, criticism or feedback on this:
Dear Past Gradutes of xxxxx Driving School:
I'd like to give you a $20 Gas Card! There's just one catch: I need you to refer a friend or relative to xxxxx Driving School, and I will give you a $20 gas card for each new person who registers. So, if you refer 5 new people, you get $100 in FREE GAS! Just have them mention your name when they register. Or better yet, come in with that person and say "Hi" and I will give you the $20 gas card right away! (Please note that the person you refer cannot already be registered with xxxxx Driving School - it must be a new registration).
I would like to take this time to personally THANK all of you who have helped spread the word about xxxxx Driving School over the last 5 years. You've helped make xxxxx Driving School a well-known and trusted name here in (name of city). For that I am truly grateful.
Thank you!
xxxxx of
xxxxx Driving School
I've left the name of the driving school and the city blank so as not to try and "plug" the business here. The idea behind this letter is that it is to be short and sweet, and sound like a real person speaking. She's going to print and mail this letter through snail mail. Thank you in advance for any and all suggestions!
Dear Past Gradutes of xxxxx Driving School:
I'd like to give you a $20 Gas Card! There's just one catch: I need you to refer a friend or relative to xxxxx Driving School, and I will give you a $20 gas card for each new person who registers. So, if you refer 5 new people, you get $100 in FREE GAS! Just have them mention your name when they register. Or better yet, come in with that person and say "Hi" and I will give you the $20 gas card right away! (Please note that the person you refer cannot already be registered with xxxxx Driving School - it must be a new registration).
I would like to take this time to personally THANK all of you who have helped spread the word about xxxxx Driving School over the last 5 years. You've helped make xxxxx Driving School a well-known and trusted name here in (name of city). For that I am truly grateful.
Thank you!
xxxxx of
xxxxx Driving School
I've left the name of the driving school and the city blank so as not to try and "plug" the business here. The idea behind this letter is that it is to be short and sweet, and sound like a real person speaking. She's going to print and mail this letter through snail mail. Thank you in advance for any and all suggestions!
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