Required: Critics on my sales page!

13 years ago

I like how your site almost put me in a trance, I had to exit before I almost bought something.

All kidding aside, it needs to be completely redone, every single pixel of it. Even though I like psychedelic things, I just don't think it will do well on the market.

That's not a bad thing, you'll learn a lot from this and once you get this offer completed you can start working on your next one, or build upon this one.

Best,

Ross

Thanks

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Devid Farah

13 years ago

Originally Posted by keyuria

Please let me know according to your expertise:
How much sales rate (conversion %) should I get according to the current page?
Is there any need of changing the design?
Is there any need to add or remove any texts.
Testimonials?
What else?

-Yes there is an urgent need to change the design,make it ASAP.
Try to create an eye catching design,your design is poor...the footer is really bad;it's a sequence of images that don't say anything to me.
Try to implement those images in your header and footer(not all images but some).
What i mean is try to create eye catching header and footer.
Do this by yourself if you can or hire top designers to do that like Cheap Mini Site Design | Mini Site Graphics , Sean Lowery's MinisiteGraphics.com - Minisite Design, Direct Marketing or MINISITE DESIGN GRAPHIC AND ECOVER DESIGN GRAPHICAt a PRICE ANYONE Can AFFORD

-Your sales letter has many english grammar errors.

-Also this is a very important point,your headline.
Did you know that a KILLER headline,"catchy" with the right words can increase a lot conversion rates and consequently your sales?
Your headline is not "catchy".
My advice: make the first letter of every words of your headline in capital letters. Test different fonts to write your headline:the more popular font for headlines is "impact".Try to implement this font.

-DO NOT REVEAL the tips or solutions people will receive form reading your ebook,but write the benefits they will receive from your product.
For example you say:

"If your salt is clumping up, put a few grains of rice in with it to absorb excess moisture."
This is a solution..you don't have to give them the solutions in your sales letter,people will find them in your ebook after the purchase!
You have to list the benefits people will receive.

-Remove also that purple screen and write on the white background all the benefits your visitors will receive.

-Regard testimonials,if you don't have testimonials don't put them.

All the best,
Devid

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Jack Bastide 13 years ago

For some reason that page makes me want
to break out my Grateful Dead Albums and
Smoke a Doobie

Jack
- Thanks
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keyuria

13 years ago

@RossJames & @DavidFarah - You are really an eye opener to me. You just cleared my some of the doubts and I am sure of changing the undesired things ASAP. Once I change I will surely come back to you again.

Thanks
1 reply

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Jack Bastide

13 years ago

Originally Posted by keyuria

@RossJames & @DavidFarah - You are really an eye opener to me. You just cleared my some of the doubts and I am sure of changing the undesired things ASAP. Once I change I will surely come back to you again.

but what about me?

I put a lot of time and effort into my detailed critique

Jack

Thanks
1 reply

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keyuria

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

but what about me?

I put a lot of time and effort into my detailed critique

Jack

By the Time I wrote that post, I didn't receive your message. Anyways. Thanks for your efforts too.

Thanks
1 reply

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Collette

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

For some reason that page makes me want
to break out my Grateful Dead Albums and
Smoke a Doobie

Jack

Originally Posted by keyuria

@RossJames & @DavidFarah - You are really an eye opener to me. You just cleared my some of the doubts and I am sure of changing the undesired things ASAP. Once I change I will surely come back to you again.

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

but what about me?

I put a lot of time and effort into my detailed critique

Jack

Originally Posted by keyuria

By the Time I wrote that post, I didn't receive your message. Anyways. Thanks for your efforts too.

Ooooh. SNAP! You can practically see the finger flick brushoff.

This just gets better and better.

Don't feel bad, Jack. I'm sure someone will step up to meet the OP's Requirements.

Thanks
2 replies

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fasteasysuccess 13 years ago

"So ... sit back, scroll down, watch out some clever tips for clever people that you'll find in our eBook."

Definitely have someone edit your copy. There's actually a few things I see your trying to do, but missing the boat on.

One extra tip...once you get the headline and rest of the copy down and flowing...turn those scrolling tips into bullet points that strike curiosity and make people want what you have.
- Thanks
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Jack Bastide

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Collette

Ooooh. SNAP! You can practically see the finger flick brushoff.

This just gets better and better.

Don't feel bad, Jack. I'm sure someone will step up to meet the OP's Requirements.

Colette I feel like Crying

I spent many hours on my Critique

I Just wanted to be appreciated

Jack

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1 reply

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Collette 13 years ago

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

Colette I feel like Crying

...
I Just wanted to be appreciated

Jack

Oh, darlin' don't cry. You know we appreciate you. Pearls. Swine. Source. Consider. :p
- Thanks
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The Copy Nazi

Banned 13 years ago

It's obvious English isn't your primary language. You need to get someone to edit this. If you send me just the copy in .odt form (for Open Office on a Mac) I'll clean it up for you. Just no cracks about Nazis - OK?

Thanks
1 reply

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Jack Bastide

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Metronicity

It's obvious English isn't your primary language. You need to get someone to edit this. If you send me just the copy in .odt form (for Open Office on a Mac) I'll clean it up for you. Just no cracks about Nazis - OK?

Wow I'm impressed

are you becoming a softy?

Jack

Thanks

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Bruce Wedding

13 years ago

WTF is the deal with "required" critiques around here?

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2 replies

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Jack Bastide 13 years ago

Originally Posted by Matt Jutras

Caples is spinning in his grave over that headline.

That Headline was created by my new Product

Introducing ... "The Turbo Headline Spinner"

Creates 100's of Unreadable headlines in minutes!

Jack
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- jasdon 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Jack Bastide
  
  That Headline was created by my new Product
  
  Introducing ... "The Turbo Headline Spinner"
  
  Creates 100's of Unreadable headlines in minutes!
  
  Jack
  
  Got a link to your sales page?
  
  Thanks
  
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Oxbloom

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

WTF is the deal with "required" critiques around here?

Context, baby, context.

Yeah, he said "required." He also asked us to look over a page touting "kitchen tips under use since centuries!" and let us know, in all sincerity, that, "I have a Good News for You!"

This isn't a guy who means to be pushy or entitled like whats-his-name with the squeeze pages. This is a guy who is doing his best to communicate with us across what looks like a pretty heavy language barrier.

He doesn't deserve the backlash.

To the OP:

I'd play up the ethnicity. Make it "(your culture) cooking and kitchen tips." Keep the delightfully awkward copy. I mean, it still needs to be organized, and have some things added. Like more benefits to the reader, in the form of bullet points, would be good. (I'll bet the bullet points would be Internet-meme worthy!)

Make the low cost a selling point. I think you can actually use "cheap" as a positioning thing if you play up the fact that you're in Mumbai or somewhere. (Just a geographic example...please do not take offense if you're from nowhere near there.)

I think the whole thing would be a brilliant package if you got people saying to others, "You know, there's lots of cooking books around, but I got this REALLY awesome one full of great tips for like, practically nothing, because it's from Asia or something, and the guy is like, totally ethnic! I mean, it's fun to read, but I really DID get stains off my fingers with a potato! LOL! OMG, let me give you the address!"

(ETA: Kenya! Forgot I could look over there and see! Best Quality Cooking Tips of the Kenyan Master Chefs. Boosh!)

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Bruce Wedding

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Oxbloom

Context, baby, context.

Yeah, he said "required." He also asked us to look over a page touting "kitchen tips under use since centuries!" and let us know, in all sincerity, that, "I have a Good News for You!"

This isn't a guy who means to be pushy or entitled like whats-his-name with the squeeze pages. This is a guy who is doing his best to communicate with us across what looks like a pretty heavy language barrier.

He doesn't deserve the backlash.

I get that English is his second language; one more reason to pay a copywriter. He's still a guy coming here looking for people to improve his BUSINESS for nothing.

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Daniel Scott

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

I get that English is his second language; one more reason to pay a copywriter. He's still a guy coming here looking for people to improve his BUSINESS for nothing.

Generally, the ones looking for that don't have much of a business.

-Daniel

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keyuria

13 years ago

Yes. I really appreciate you all for taking your time to critique on my oncoming page. I thank you all and looking forward to spin it somehow. I will comeback soon after I change my page. Till then enjoy life.

Thanks

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centarec

13 years ago

Everything needs to be redone. Sorry to say this, but it might be in my top 10 worst landing pages ever. If you cannot do it alone, find someone, hire someone, and most important read before you do anything. There are tons of threads here with tons of different landing pages, read those threads and see how successful landing pages look like.

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JanPat

13 years ago

1. Not sure how viable is the market you're going after. Recipe if marketing is a hard nut to crack. Will you mostly get freebee seekers?

2. Copy - yikes. All I can say is try it and see what sort of results you get after a few hundred visits -- and pack it in it doesn't fly. Sorry to say. I can tell you put a of effort into it, but I don't suggest putting in any more if there's no response.

Thanks

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Zentech

13 years ago

Disclaimer: Nothing personal below. I'm sure you're a great person.

But this page is horrid. Horrid beyond belief. I'd estimate your conversion rate with it will be close to zero. The only buyers will be those who will buy no matter what, even if the sales page is scribbled on a napkin by a two-year old. And that page would rival yours, to be honest.

Please, get a copywriter. You don't have to pay a lot if you don't need explosive conversions or what have you. To be honest, even a $97 guy could do wonders for this page. It is god-awful.

DO NOT continue trying to edit/change this page yourself. You need professional assistance.

Thanks

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Required: Critics on my sales page!

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