If you have a sec, could you help with my first squeeze page?

15 years ago

I thought these lines were brilliant
Did you know that more millionaires were created during the Great Depression, than any other time in U.S. history?
For those who understand the secrets of success, it's likely to be the same again. Only this time, we have the huge benefit of the Internet.

Some of your other sentences are a bit long. I tend to skim these pages not read them, so shorter, simple sentences would help. I would use the word secret a bit more too. I was interested enough to give out my email, and the free report is great, interesting and easy to read!

Thanks
1 reply

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travlinguy 15 years ago

I think you've done a nice job. I would have actually signed up but my hard drive is already loaded with stuff I've never even looked at. Good luck!
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Loren Woirhaye

15 years ago

Confusing headline - you could make the same claim
with half the words.

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fbivens

15 years ago

Hi J. Knight,

Food for thought; consider using a video in your capture page. A few things happen w/ video.

First, video is search engine candy. Because 52% (last time I checked) of all internet bandwidth is occupied by video traffic, search engines these days will index video much faster than an all text site.

As one poster suggested, you'll be able to cut down on the text content because a lot of what you need to communicate will be in the video.

The attention span of the average net surfer is pitifully short...video 'entertains' and holds that ADD suffering surfer longer at your site. If you keep them there for at least 50 seconds, this is also reported back to the search engines as being a relevant-to-the-search destination site.

Feel free to contact me & I can help you further with the video distribution across the internet. There are ways to distribute it & then THERE ARE WAYS TO DISTRIBUTE IT...

Best wishes...

Thanks

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Eric Johnson

15 years ago

1.) I would change the headline some. The sentence structure of the second half you have to struggle for a second to get your head around. That will KILL your conversion. People just don't want to struggle to be sold to.

BTW, what do you mean "really succeed online"... food for thought.

2.) I would put a box around the testimonial so that it doesn't at first appear to be part of the copy.

3.) This is a little more general but some of the language just doesn't flow well. Your writing is too academic. Write it in a really, down to earth, in the trenches kind of way to people who are really struggling to make any money in this world today.

Hope it helps.

Thanks
1 reply

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J.Knight 15 years ago

Thank you all so much!

Some of you have been really helpful. Particularly Eric, Kate, and a few others.

Some of you were encouraging, and I really appreciate that.

Loren, I respect your abilities. So when you say, "you could make the same claim with half the words" I'd love to see an example. Your post is helpful because I know I'm not doing something right, but it doesn't help me in any other way.

As for video fbivens, I'm currently working solely from mobile broadband, and it's not an option for now. But, it way be in the future. Thanks!

Anyway, I woke up there now, took a quick look at the page after reading your suggestions, and saw a few things I didn't like myself.

So others may learn from this, I'll note them...

I changed, "As a global recession looms darkly over the world..."

To, "As a global recession approaches..."

I know I'm going to battle with changing the way I write when trying to sell. If you can get your point across in less words without losing anything, use less words. Get to the point, JK!!

I changed, "...this is actually a time of opportunity." and removed the word 'actually' as it's probably not necessary.

I changed, "More particularly, they told me..." to "Specifically, they told me..." as again, I think it's more simple.

I changed, "Only here, exclusively in this free report..." to "Exclusively in this free report..."

I removed this completely, "Well known people like Daniel Scocco, Gayla McCord, Amit Agarwal, Neil Morgan, and J.D. Roth." as I think it's unecessary. If they don't know names like Michel Fortin, Darren Rowse, and Jeremy Schoemaker, then most likely the other names won't be known either.

I changed, "Can you afford to not know what they are?" to, "Get it now for FREE while you can!"

As for the headline, Gary Bencivenga suggests to put your 'big promise' inside an 'IF'.

So I went with,

"If You've Got an Email Address, You're About To Learn 'Secrets' That Most People Will Never Know About How To Really Succeed Online..."

For now, I'm going to change it to,

"If You've Got An Email Address, You're About To Learn 'Secrets' That Most People Will Never Know About Making Money Online..."

I have been toying with,

"Free Report Reveals Little Known
Secrets Online Entrepreneurs Use
To Make a Living On The Internet!"

Any more help appreciated!

JK
- Thanks
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J.Knight

15 years ago

I made another fairly significant change which might help others...

I change the sub headline from:

"This FREE report reveals what 10 highly successful online Marketers and Bloggers know to be the vital insight you need during this economic meltdown."

To:

"This FREE report reveals how you can prosper in the current economy, if you grasp the secrets of these 10 highly successful online Marketers and Bloggers."

JK

Thanks

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Loren Woirhaye

15 years ago

I wrote a long reply to you and the forum ate it. Sorry, I'm
too discouraged to do it again.

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mikecowles

15 years ago

Hi,

I think your copy is way too long for a squeeze page. It really should be more of a 'tease' to entice people to want more info. Plus I would get rid of the comment about having an email address in the headline. It conveys that the visitors value is just an email address.

Also, put some graphics and audio or video. If you don't have a graphics guy, you can go to Chicago Web Design for one.

Good luck!

~Mike Cowles. <><

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Doug Simons

15 years ago

I would have to agree with Mike...as I always do

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mbealmear

15 years ago

I would consider changing the headline around a little. Try to make it shorter to it is more of a "catch phrase"
Also if you have the means to video's on opt-in pages boost conversions by a ton!
Overall your page is pretty good. Good luck to you and your success!!

Thanks

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Loren,
Gutted dude. I'd have loved to read it. But no worries. I'm indebted to you if you write any reply.

Mike,
I'm going to try and shorten it. See my suggestions below. I'm not sure if flashy graphics are necessary. People often relate them to cheesy hype, and I don't want that. I think if I can get my message across through direct and compelling writing, I'll gain more respect.

I could be wrong though.

Amanda,
I can't do a video right now. I may in the future though. I don't think I'd use video yet anyway. If I can't sell with written copy, could I do it through spoken copy?

Ok...some of you believe it's too long. I think you're right, but it's difficult to edit what you may be partial to.

However, how about I cut ALL of the first three paragraphs? And then cut out the last two bullet points?

Would that help, and do you think it would still flow?

Appreciate this.

JK

Thanks
1 reply

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Eric Johnson

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Loren,

However, how about I cut ALL of the first three paragraphs? And then cut out the last two bullet points?

Would that help, and do you think it would still flow?

Appreciate this.

JK

The Great Depression line is actually a great opener so I would definitely gut the first three paragraphs.

I think all the bullets are ok but they need to be reworded, bit on the wordy side.

In face, that is your only real flaw with your writing. You are a good writer and it's hard to not write in the way that you know how. I know, I had the same problem but you gotta get to it more succinctly in copy.

Thanks

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WasabiHound

15 years ago

Hi guys - great thread (thanks for starting it all JK) some good tips which I hope I can start using soon! Neil

Thanks

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FitJerk

15 years ago

I think somebody above mentioned this. First of all whats your OPT-IN rate?

Second, I remembered you gave me a pointer or two on my forum, and this dude ROB helped me out a ton. So I'm going to return the favor.

1. The opt in box needs to be higher... WAY higher. Above or close to the fold.

2. Sales copy needs to be shorter. You'r not trying to sell them shit... just get their email. So make it short and sweet which makes them go "ah.. its free why the hell not". A long copy for opt-in comes off as "TRY HARD"- Real world opinions of people I asked. no joke!

3. I myself don't have a video yet... but i heard its powerful... just don't make video the ONLY thing... what if your video doesn't work? I think you should have text that works just as well. double whammy. Hope that helps!

Ps- Your actual lines and stuff are great!

Thanks

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Ok peeps! I've made the big change.

Shortened the page, and moved the subscribe box above the fold!

Suggestions?

Eric,
Thanks for the help dude! I really appreciate it.

WasabiHound,
You're welcome!

metalslug,
I've just went live, so opt-in rate isn't going to be accurate as it's people helping me from the forum.

Thanks for the advice on making it shorter. Does it need to be shorter than it is now?

JK

Thanks
1 reply

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Loren Woirhaye 15 years ago

way better. If you want to punch it up, since you are
quoting yourself, put your mug up there, looking straight
out. Faces are a "stopper".

Want to see how a real expert does it?

Look here: CA$HVERTISING
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- J.Knight 15 years ago
  
  I wasn't going to continue this, but I thought why on earth on not.
  
  Ignore at will
  
  It's the headline that's bothering me. I think it's too 'regular' and lacks pizazz!
  
  Currently:
  "When You Discover These 'Secrets' You'll Realize Why Most People Will Never Make Money Online..."
  
  Here are some alternatives:
  
  "Who Else Is Ready To Be Coached The Skills Of Online Success By 10 Top Internet Marketers And Bloggers?"
  
  "Discover The Make-Or-Break 'Secrets' 10 Experts Reveal As Their Silver Bullets Of How To Make Money Online..."
  
  "Get Rid of Your Fear of The Economy As You Discover The Little Known Secrets of How To Make Your Living Online..."
  
  "Free Report Reveals Little Known Secrets Which Empower Online Entrepreneurs To Make a Living On The Internet!"
  
  Feel free to share your own suggestions.
  
  Headlining is fun... but it ain't easy!
  
  JK
  
  Thanks
  
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kmm2908

15 years ago

One quick improvement suggestion: A photo of you looking the visitor straight in the eye left aligned against the subhead: "This FREE report....

Improves credibility and trust according to many split tests.

Wow there's another. Split test all of the interesting suggestions here (one at a time) to see what improves and what does not.

Nice lay out, good opt-in position.

I think having the bullet list start above the fold and continue below is a good thing. If the first bullets are interesting/intriguing enough to your market they will force people to continue down the page.

Good stuff - first squeeze page - you would have fooled me - looks like a pro has been at it!

Thanks

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Hey dudes!

I woke up this morning remembering the power of having a 'story' in a headine. So I've changed it to:

"College Washout Discovers The Secrets Of Success And How To Make Real Money On The Internet..."

AnarchyAds,
Thanks for the prompt. It's good advice.

I've tightened the page a bit now. I think I can do better, but I'm deliberating over what's best to remove. It's difficult.

Any thoughts on what's uneccessary?

kmm2908,
I know a photo of me could be effective, but it can also be harmful.

Will people perceive me as too young or too old to know anything? What if they have a prejudice or are racist, and my appearance falls into a social class which they disrespect?

It's not a website or blog. That's different. On a squeeze page, these things can be distracting to certain people rather than useful, and you only have seconds to win them, or they will be gone forever.

Better to play it safe. Don't you agree?

Thanks for the encouragement though. I'm no pro, but I know how to write. Having said that, writing in a persuasive way is a totally different ball game!

JK

Thanks
2 replies

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MaskedMarketer

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Hey dudes!

I woke up this morning remembering the power of having a 'story' in a headine. So I've changed it to:

"College Washout Discovers The Secrets Of Success And How To Make Real Money On The Internet..."

How about using a pain/problem in the headline instead of the same old , same old " discover the secret" blah blah blah...? I think its okay, but I think you can do better!

It sounds almost too "hyped" to me, but a general hype in the headline..

And pain will normally offer a better response than a pleasure. try it out..

If you want to keep the headline, maybe you can be a little more specific in it? Its rather general.

Since you're report is about how to make money in the current economy then you can use that in the title and/or as a theme threw your entire sales process. The current economy must be a pain to your market, right?
try the pain (problem/solution ) pleasure in the headline and body.

Maybe you can write more compelling reasons to opt in now with your bullet points and make them more visible? Sometimes its good for a capture page to speak to one specific problem and offer that one specific solution, which I don't feel you stress enough..

Also, you say that during the great depression the most millionaires were made in history. I looked online and couldn't see how many millionaires were made then- and it may contradicts with my figures. Do you know how many millionaires were made then?

I may be wrong, but from the info I have in 1991 there were 3.6m millionaires in the US. In 2001 there were 7.2m millionaires. That would be 3.6 million millionaires in 10 years equaling an average of 360,000 new millionaires created each year.

I found it from Paul Pilzers book The Next Millionaires. I highly recommend the book, although some might not agree with the 10 million new millionaire prediction- if you follow his outline, you shouldn't go wrong..

And im only nit-picking, because you requested it

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kmm2908

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Hey dudes!

kmm2908,
I know a photo of me could be effective, but it can also be harmful.

Will people perceive me as too young or too old to know anything? What if they have a prejudice or are racist, and my appearance falls into a social class which they disrespect?

It's not a website or blog. That's different. On a squeeze page, these things can be distracting to certain people rather than useful, and you only have seconds to win them, or they will be gone forever.

Better to play it safe. Don't you agree?

JK

Sorry for delay in reply, but I don't agree with playing safe. Test have repeatedly shown that the extra trust produced as a result of a face shot looking straight at the reader should outweigh any perceived neggies that you may have.

All pro copywriters will tell you that you are better to get potential objections out in the open and handled in your sales letter. If you don't you can be sure that a very high proportion of your readers will be thinking that objection and you will never have a chance to handle it before they cruise on somewhere else.

So although the natural tendency may be to sweep this type of thing under the carpet and hope that it doesn't come up, the far better option is to actually sit down at the planning stage and come up with the definitive list of potential objections and then sit down and work out how to handle them.

Then work out how to work these objections and their answers (tagged to a major benefit each time if you really want to score big) into your copy. Then sit back and relax a little as you can now feel confident that you have the content to handle any question a prospect may come up with.

Here's another thought for you; almost any perceived neggie can be turned in to a positive. e.g. Look too young. Your copy (suggestion): "Although some clients have mentioned how young I look when they met me for the first time, they soon were commenting on the many benefits that they received from my fresh original approach to tackling [enter an example of a major problem here that your prospects will often come across). This meant they [add graphic description of benefit they get from working with you]"

Sorry for long reply, hope it helps!

Thanks
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MaskedMarketer

15 years ago

Originally Posted by kmm2908

the far better option is to actually sit down at the planning stage and come up with the definitive list of potential objections and then sit down and work out how to handle them.

Then work out how to work these objections and their answers (tagged to a major benefit each time if you really want to score big) into your copy. Then sit back and relax a little as you can now feel confident that you have the content to handle any question a prospect may come up with.

Here's another thought for you; almost any perceived neggie can be turned in to a positive. e.g. Look too young. Your copy (suggestion): "Although some clients have mentioned how young I look when they met me for the first time, they soon were commenting on the many benefits that they received from my fresh original approach to tackling [enter an example of a major problem here that your prospects will often come across). This meant they [add graphic description of benefit they get from working with you]"

Sorry for long reply, hope it helps!

Great advice!! Many people miss the fact that you should figure out all the negatives and objections that would be predicted to arise when selling a product/service.

This tactic is very powerful - it will add more belief and credibility.

The OP did a very good job on his page- and its the little minor tweaks that make a big difference. Interested to see your results..

Thanks

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stanwyck

15 years ago

what do you think about:
Free Report discloses Little Known
Secrets used by top Online Entrepreneurs.
or
let me share with you some little known secrets used by top online entrepreneurs

instead of:

"Free Report Reveals Little Known
Secrets Online Entrepreneurs Use
To Make a Living On The Internet!"

also what about this:
For those who understand the secrets of success, history's about to repeat itself. Don't be left out.

instead of this:

For those who understand the secrets of success, it's likely to be the same again. Only this time, we have the incredible benefit of the Internet.

then maybe where you say you've got news, instead say its great news.

also, how about something like: I've not only twisted some arms, but I've also given a few nuggies in an effort to "encourage" some of the top Internet Entrepreneurs to share their hottest proven secrets.
want to know what they are? fill in the form to get your free copy of The Secret Tenets of Success.

Thanks

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wrcato

15 years ago

"If You've Got An Email Address, You're About To Learn ' Most people have an email address.

Secrets' That Most People Will Never Know About Making Money Online..."
Work on this portion there is a gem right here.

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MaskedMarketer

15 years ago

Originally Posted by wrcato

"If You've Got An Email Address, You're About To Learn ' Most people have an email address.

Secrets' That Most People Will Never Know About Making Money Online..."
Work on this portion there is a gem right here.

It depends on who he is targeting...

That sounds so unoriginal.. need to add spice to it. plus, I prefer using pain/problems , but thats just me.

The op should probably redo the headline a few times wiht different angles and just test. Then he can tell us how it went and what worked best for him..

Thanks

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Hey dudes!!

Thanks for adding more angles for me to look at.

I signed up to Adwords for the first time two days ago (still waiting for acceptance). Ultimately, that's the only way I'll know how effective the copy is.

I'm going to leave it as is for 3-5 days when the campaign begins, and then test alternatives from there.

Now I need to go and figure out the best way to split test a page (this is all new to me).

I'll keep you abrest of how it's going.

JK

Thanks

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kmm2908

15 years ago

Jude having just looked at your page again, I'm sure the photo will add something big! It will add a bit of personality and uniqueness and I cannot believe that your photo would arouse any of the reactions that you predicted from your market. IM is used to taking advice from all sorts of all ages, much more than say Financial Investors might!

Split test it for me please!

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kj95100

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Hey guys,

Although I sometimes give a few pointers on copywriting, I'm no expert.

So I'd appreciate help from those who can.

I've just put up my first ever squeeze page, and I'd love thoughts, help, and suggestions.

The link is in my sig.

JK

P.S. A couple of things I'm not sure about are, i) headline and sub headline, ii) the length of page (are there things I should remove?).

You've done a good job on your page. I would not say remove anything, but there are a couple of changes you may consider.

1. Center your form on the page to draw the proper focus on the opt-in. Since your purpose for the squeeze page is to get the opt-in, it would help to make your box a prominent part of the page.

2. The headline could be improved some by showing how the reader will benefit. The way it reads now is more about the college washout's discovery.

Yes, your subhead focuses on the reader, which is great ... however, the reader will be more inclined to see the headline first. So, by adding something like -- ... And How YOU Can Make Real Money On The Internet Using These Secrets -- your reader will see what's in it for them immediately.

Of course this means tweaking the subhead slightly to reduce the redundancy effect. Here's one possibility:

"This FREE Report Reveals How You Can Prosper In The Current Economy When You Apply These 10 Secrets Used by Today's Most Successful Internet Marketers And Bloggers!"

I hope this sparks a couple of ideas for you,

Kelly

Thanks

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Hey helpful Warriors!

I've responded to some of the suggestions by making a few changes.

Kelly mentioned that the headline focused on the 'college dropout' which was correct, so I've changed it for now to:

"Free Report Reveals Little Known Secrets Used By Top
Internet Entrepreneurs To Guarantee Success
(Even During A Recession)..."

I've also added a video. Now I'm no expert director, and it's been a year since I opened up a video editor, so please be gentle. What do you think?

Because of the video, I've also shortened the text.

JK

Thanks

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kierenm

15 years ago

Interesting approach you're using for your call to action in the signature..

Thanks
2 replies

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J.Knight 15 years ago

Originally Posted by kierenm

Interesting approach you're using for your call to action in the signature..

Thanks for noticing

Out of all the posts you read, how many sig links do you click on?

Ya gotta try everything in this game

JK
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- Ammar Zahar 15 years ago
  
  Hi, J.K..
  
  I love your video and your headline. Maybe you can hire professional graphic designer so that your optin box can attract people to sign up..
  
  BTW, nice squeeze page!
  
  Thanks
  
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  My twitter..
  
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kmm2908 15 years ago

Originally Posted by kierenm

Interesting approach you're using for your call to action in the signature..

Yep that made me change mine - I admit it!
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blackscorpion

15 years ago

Luv the squeezepage. Simple and effective. The video is "off da chain" ! I am tempted to opt in.

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write-stuff

15 years ago

No comments on the page itself other than I do like the fact that it is succinct and short.

I had seen your video earlier and this version is a lot better. You took care of all those old issues and came up with a very compelling presentation. Well done. My only comment is to take your voice recording and re-EQ it to get rid of the midrange. The VO is all that you have left to tweak.

I give it an 8 because it's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to. (obscure reference for the old farts like me). - Russ

Thanks

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ryda

15 years ago

Hi J.K,

I like your video very much. However this line "...Can Prosper On The Internet In The Current Economy, In Spite Of The Downturn..." is a bit long-winded.

Perhaps something more straightforward will drive the point more effectively, like "...can Prosper On The Internet in spite of the current gloomy economy..."

Just a personal preference, otherwise the squeeze page looks ready to go.

Thanks

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AnarchyAds

Banned 15 years ago

[DELETED]

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Originally Posted by blackscorpion

Luv the squeezepage. Simple and effective. The video is "off da chain" ! I am tempted to opt in.

Thanks dude. Have you not opted in yet???

Originally Posted by write-stuff

No comments on the page itself other than I do like the fact that it is succinct and short.

I had seen your video earlier and this version is a lot better. You took care of all those old issues and came up with a very compelling presentation. Well done. My only comment is to take your voice recording and re-EQ it to get rid of the midrange. The VO is all that you have left to tweak.

I give it an 8 because it's got a good beat and it's easy to dance to. (obscure reference for the old farts like me). - Russ

Russ... I appreciate your thoughts a lot. Thank you! I think the VO just passes now, without being too distracting. I'll see if I can improve it when I get the chance though.

Originally Posted by ryda

Hi J.K,

I like your video very much. However this line "...Can Prosper On The Internet In The Current Economy, In Spite Of The Downturn..." is a bit long-winded.

Perhaps something more straightforward will drive the point more effectively, like "...can Prosper On The Internet in spite of the current gloomy economy..."

Just a personal preference, otherwise the squeeze page looks ready to go.

Ryda. Comments noted, and changes made.

What do you think?

Originally Posted by AnarchyAds

Oh, and you go below the fold

...which would be fine if that's where your opt-in is.

It's not.

We read top to bottom, left to right.
If you go below the fold ( more page than screen )
put it at the bottom.

You sound like your blastin at me dude. I think I know 'how' we read.

Can you not see the opt-in box even when you scroll to the bottom?

Also, if people actually read to the bottom, it says "fill in the form above".

Oh, and the video is not pulled from someone elses account. I put it together and uploaded it. That's why it has my domain at the very end

JK

Thanks
2 replies

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Adam Kenzington

15 years ago

OK, I've read where alot of people like the video. I found it distracting.

It is placed under/below the beginning copy. The eye wants to start at the top left-hand side of the page and work it's way down.

I found myself trying to read, but had to keep stopping for fear I'd miss something in the video. (my eyes kept jumping from copy to video to copy again...)

My suggestion is to NOT make the video self-starting. Let your reader click on it to start vid when they are ready and to that point on the page.

I also found the "music" on the video annoying. It got really loud by the end of the vid. It was like I was being screamed at. Screaming is a total turn-off for me. (it was like the theme from a really bad horror flick.)

I liked the point about people profiting during the great depression.

I've never been a fan of the "Who Else Wants To..." line (especially when used as a Headline). That says to me "follow the leader, you mindless lemming". It's a "me too" mentality that I don't care for.

I'm not trying to come on as a harda*s, but you asked for some serious critiquing. It's meant to help.

Just one man's opinion.

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Adam Kenzington

OK, I've read where alot of people like the video. I found it distracting.

It is placed under/below the beginning copy. The eye wants to start at the top left-hand side of the page and work it's way down.

I found myself trying to read, but had to keep stopping for fear I'd miss something in the video. (my eyes kept jumping from copy to video to copy again...)

My suggestion is to NOT make the video self-starting. Let your reader click on it to start vid when they are ready and to that point on the page.

I also found the "music" on the video annoying. It got really loud by the end of the vid. It was like I was being screamed at. Screaming is a total turn-off for me. (it was like the theme from a really bad horror flick.)

I liked the point about people profiting during the great depression.

I've never been a fan of the "Who Else Wants To..." line (especially when used as a Headline). That says to me "follow the leader, you mindless lemming". It's a "me too" mentality that I don't care for.

I'm not trying to come on as a harda*s, but you asked for some serious critiquing. It's meant to help.

Just one man's opinion.

Adam, this is much appreciated.

I'm not 100% sold on even keeping the video at this point. I'm not sure.

I might go back to having an all text SP.

However, I'll let it stay up for at least another week, and then I'll know better from the results.

Did anyone else find the music too loud? Surely that's just something which comes down to the settings on each computer?

I might also stop it from auto-playing. You make a good point. However, the gurus have been auto-playing their audios and videos for years, so I'm not sure.

JK

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kmm2908

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Adam, this is much appreciated.

I'm not 100% sold on even keeping the video at this point. I'm not sure.

I might go back to having an all text SP.

However, I'll let it stay up for at least another week, and then I'll know better from the results.

Did anyone else find the music too loud? Surely that's just something which comes down to the settings on each computer?

I might also stop it from auto-playing. You make a good point. However, the gurus have been auto-playing their audios and videos for years, so I'm not sure.

JK

Hi JK! Me again, you can tell it's Saturday morning and I have some time on my hands!

Some comments on the video:

1. The video is good, very good. I think it adds value all round, so keep it would be my advice. What software did you use to put this together? I'm gonna be ripping this feature too at some stage.

2. The only addition I can suggest that would really make the video rock big time, is to add a couple of testimonials at the end of people who have used your system. Just a minute or so of stressing the same benefits they received that you outline on the page. Testimonials are like the magic fairy dust when it comes to building trust.

Hope this helps!

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kmm2908 15 years ago

3. Whoops hit the submit button too early! No music is not too loud - as you said personal preference can be handled via the user's volume control.

4. Autostart is good as I feel the video really sets the tone and feel for the rest of the page. Sort of "saving you from the doom and gloom of depression" feel. If you felt you ever had to lose the video I would try an audio autostart with the testimonials from my comment above. This would allow people to scroll down without feeling they were missing something but then again what scrolling on your page?

5. Don't forget split-testing means you don't have to choose either/or. Run both versions at the same time and get results that much quicker. Your Alexa looks ok, how much traffic are you getting through the site daily?

Ok that's it for now, I better get some work done on my sites or I won't be able to pay the bills!
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kmm2908 15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Also, if people actually read to the bottom, it says "fill in the form above".
JK

Hi JK!

Like the improvements since my last comment.
Re. above; You're quite right in most screen resolutions you can still see the opt in box, but 2 suggestions:

1. Make the "fill in the form above" into a link back up to the full screen view of the opt in box.

2. Not so relevant for you as your page hardly scrolls down but if it did and the box was totally out of view, nothing stopping you having 2 sign up boxes; one up top and one below.

Better to make it soooo easy for people to do what you want them to do that they just do it. We're nearly all lazy really!

Great work though. Critiquing your page and reading the other comments has been a real kick in the pants to go back and run the magnifying glass over my own. Thanks!
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Topgunb

15 years ago

I would say give the Free report a value - so that it has perceived value.

People want thing for free, but want it more if it normally costs $17,95

Brian

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havplenty

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Hey guys,

Although I sometimes give a few pointers on copywriting, I'm no expert.

So I'd appreciate help from those who can.

I've just put up my first ever squeeze page, and I'd love thoughts, help, and suggestions.

The link is in my sig.

JK

P.S. A couple of things I'm not sure about are, i) headline and sub headline, ii) the length of page (are there things I should remove?).

I think you've got real winner on your hands, however, too much text. The video is very compelling (it almost made me surrender my email

) so perhaps directing attention to it would serve you better. Also you need to promise something more tangible, not just something that's going to change the way the prospect thinks - give them a real benefit.

Otherwise, well done!

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Mr. Thiago

Banned 15 years ago

Thankyou for answering THIS question...

Hi guys,

Does anyone know where I can get software or templates (with no HTML or CSS knowledge required) to create a site like J. Knight's?

Forgive me, I'm new to internet marketing.

Thanks
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J.Knight

15 years ago

Originally Posted by kmm2908

Hi JK! Me again, you can tell it's Saturday morning and I have some time on my hands!

Some comments on the video:

1. The video is good, very good. I think it adds value all round, so keep it would be my advice. What software did you use to put this together? I'm gonna be ripping this feature too at some stage.

2. The only addition I can suggest that would really make the video rock big time, is to add a couple of testimonials at the end of people who have used your system. Just a minute or so of stressing the same benefits they received that you outline on the page. Testimonials are like the magic fairy dust when it comes to building trust.

Hope this helps!

Hey dude! Been busy lately, and haven't been on the forum.

Thanks for the compliments on the video. I used Sony Vegas. I've used nearly all the major video editing softwares and I really think Vegas is the best all-rounder. Easy. Powerful. Not sluggish.

I'll try and get a few testimonials. It's a good idea.

Originally Posted by Mr. Thiago

Thankyou for answering THIS question...

Hi guys,

Does anyone know where I can get software or templates (with no HTML or CSS knowledge required) to create a site like J. Knight's?

Forgive me, I'm new to internet marketing.

I used (believe it or not) WordPress to do this squeeze page.

I learned all my CSS/HTML skills from the WordPress platform, and I default to using it for pretty much everything.

Not sure how you could really do it with no knowledge. That would be pretty hard.

JK

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Alex11

15 years ago

Hi Jude, I'm impressed by your squeeze page, Its great, especially with the vids, I want to set up a squeeze page too, but I'm a newbie... Can you help me with that Plz? And how did you add that video into your Squeeze Page?

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maximus242

15 years ago

Originally Posted by J.Knight

Hey guys,

Although I sometimes give a few pointers on copywriting, I'm no expert.

So I'd appreciate help from those who can.

I've just put up my first ever squeeze page, and I'd love thoughts, help, and suggestions.

The link is in my sig.

JK

P.S. A couple of things I'm not sure about are, i) headline and sub headline, ii) the length of page (are there things I should remove?).

I usually eat this kind of stuff up, headlines pretty good because it got my attention and got read, the more millionaires in the depression line really got me -- if you had started talking about Rockefeller and Carnegie and how all these people made their millions from out of the depression, I would of opted in.

But frankly, I dont give a f*ck if some semi-famous nerd who runs a blog gives advice on business. I want to know what the most dominant, powerful and wealthy people in history gave as advice.

Thats just brutal honesty. I care a lot more about what Warren Buffett has to say about business than I do about some adsense guy making a 100k. Thats what these guys make in a few hours!

I would switch things up because I think this has the potential to be super-powerful. You could really have something here but you gotta tweak it a bit before its ready to take the internet by storm.

But seriously, the underlying appeal, mucho awesome, just would switch who your quoting from people pulling 6-7 figures to people who pull in billions. That would be interesting enough for me to exchange my email address for. Ive heard all the same washed out advice from the internet marketing gurus. I want business advice. Have more than enough marketing information.

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GhostWriter

15 years ago

Jude, it's a great approach, but may I suggest a couple of changes?
I think both headline & subhead are still too long.
I'd say something like:

More People Got Super-Rich during the Great Depression
than at Any Other Time in US History!

Do you want to know WHY?

"This FREE report uncovers 10 of the secrets that will empower you
to prosper online, even in today's rotten economy!" -- Jude Knight

Then I'd delete the second paragraph from the body copy, & I'd tighten up
ALL of it (yep, the writing is still not as clean as it could be).

~ Kat

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UnityinAustralia

15 years ago

Just looked at the squeeze page.

All the text... i just phase it out. The only thing that grabbed me was watching the video with the text zooming towards me. I was kinda interested in watching it, but pressed for time I let it pass.

Images to add color?

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If you have a sec, could you help with my first squeeze page?

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