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Please review my sales letter (WIP), if you are interested I can even comp you into the members area

by guillopuyol
2 replies
Hello,

I am in the process of writing a sales letter for my membership site. ( Forget About Writing Ebooks And Creating Products That Don ) I am using the classic sales letter creator type software, so you will see some boxes and things that don't make sense.

At this point I am not so concerned with formating or looks, I mainly need advice related to the copy. Any and all feedback will be greatly appreciated.

If you would like to review the membership itself, PM me for details.

Also, I am looking to hire a proven copywriter to write a long sales letter for this site and maybe other 2 letters... I need this to be someone that is proven, but not too expensive that will break the bank... If that is you, then please also send me a PM.

Thank you,

Guillermo
#area #comp #interested #letter #members #review #sales #wip
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    overwritten and circular headline:

    Forget About Writing Ebooks And Creating Products That Don't Sell (telling me to forget makes me, and your reader, think your letter is
    about products that don't sell, which is boring - so cut this whole
    sentence).

    Now You Can Completely Skip Product Creation And Take A Shortcut To The Fun Part... Making Sales!
    (what's the germ here? it's "stop F-ing around and START MAKING SALES")

    (ie. "Sick of all the internet mumbo-jumbo? What If There Were An Easy Way To Skip All
    The Research and Just Start Making Money?" )


    For Reasons You Are About To Discover (yawn), This Could Be The Most Important Web Page You Will Ever Read (facetious - I would
    try to say something meaningful or say nothing at all)

    Fact: The headaches involved in product creation are responsible for the complete failure of many internet marketing newbies just like you. (that's pretty good but it is set in a passive voice
    This is better: "All this "You have to create your own products" nonsense is to blame for your failure and confusion on the internet." - you do get those direct mail pieces with the hero
    doctors in the white coats, right? You know, the guy who stands up for our medical freedom? You can take the consumer- hero positition here but not if you puff up your
    product with bloated hype.)

    Fact: With this amazing(puffery) program you will no longer(won't) have to learn how(have to) create your own products. I have done all the (hard) work for you already so you can completely skip product creation (for you - you'll skip that part and head straight for the payoff). Just follow the simple step-by-step videos and start getting tons of sales notifications. (lose this whole
    sentence or put it later in the letter)
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  • Profile picture of the author Eric Johnson
    It honestly needs a complete rewrite. Sorry I had a great 10 point thing typed up but the forum glitched and it's gone

    But it needs to be rewritten top to bottom so that the transitions flow better and it reads more smoothly.

    Once that is done I'll do my 10 point thing again
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