Please critique my sales page

11 replies
Hi, I had my sales page recently redone. Can anyone please give advice on my page? Anything you feel Needs changing to get it converting?
Time to take control |

Thanks
Suzanne
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author WendellC
    Originally Posted by Suzanne7557 View Post

    Hi, I had my sales page recently redone. Can anyone please give advice on my page? Anything you feel Needs changing to get it converting?
    Time to take control |

    Thanks
    Suzanne
    Suzanne -

    Hi. Here are my first impressions. I'm going to be somewhat blunt and I apologize if I say anything that may sound a bit harsh. Please take it as constructive criticism.

    1) The font in the header is very difficult to read. I had to squint to make out "Become a Reiki Master Home Study Course." I would pick a font that is not quite as stylized so it is easier to read.

    2) The fonts in general are too small -- that makes it very difficult to read and if it's difficult to read, people will just skip over it and probably move on to the next site.

    3) Way too much text that doesn't immediately grab me. Nothing to excite me, nothing to say "That's interesting, tell me more."

    4) The content that talks about you is probably not needed. I would leave it out. As you've probably heard the marketing mantra before: "People don't care about you -- they only care about themselves." Brutal, but true.

    5) Hard to discern the benefit of your offering. It's not clear to me what makes your system so much better than other systems on the market.

    Here's how I would approach your site. I'm just giving the highlights since I'm sure other posters will have their own details to add.

    1) First, identify your target audience. Is your target audience people who know about Reiki and have tried and failed at becoming a master? Or is your target audience people who know little about Reiki and might benefit from learning more about it?

    The reason you want to have a clear understanding of your target is that it will dictate what you put on your website and how you communicate your compelling and irresistible offer.

    2) Once you have a clear idea of your target audience, identify what is their real pain.

    Is it the time, cost, convenience factor, lack of a sincere teacher, etc? It might be a combination of several pains although it's best to pick your audience's BIGGEST pain and focus on that first.

    3) Next, explain how your product meets the needs of your target audience and eases their pain. For example, if you've determined that the main pain of your target audience is that becoming a Reiki master costs too much, then make sure that you show how your course will be cost effective.

    If their real pain is that it is inconvenient to attend Reiki classes, then show how your home-study course is more convenient for them.

    Etc.

    4) Now determine the main purpose of your website. Is your website trying to get people to sign up for the free course? Is it to purchase your product? Whatever the goal of the website, make sure that every picture, every sentence, every graphic supports the goal of the website.

    If anything doesn't support the goal, then it's a distraction that could cause the person to leave the website.

    5) Lastly, make sure that your site is easy to read and simple to understand. Don't make people hunt for what you want them to do -- make it easy and tell them right upfront.

    Give them that blessed call to action...

    Hope this helps.

    Wendell
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
    Originally Posted by Suzanne7557 View Post

    Hi, I had my sales page recently redone. Can anyone please give advice on my page?
    What does the person who "re-did" it say about it not converting? And what'd you pay to have it redone? If it was more than $47, you got screwed. Its a disaster. Pay a real copywriter to fix this.

    See this thread:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...copy-here.html

    Your copy fits into number 5. Sorry.
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  • Profile picture of the author Marvin Johnston
    You said it wasn't converting ... how many page views have there been? I didn't see any analytics during a quick look at the page source.

    I found it difficult to read. After reading as best I could, I still don't know what Reiki is all about.

    And what both Bruce and Wendell said.

    Marvin
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      Suzanne,

      Be honest with yourself. Is this truly how you want your product to be represented?

      I doubt it.

      Back in the 80's I did some part time counseling work at local AIDS clinic in Chicago. NLP sort of stuff. Raised T-cell counts and such. (Which is a good thing if you're HIV+.)

      Anyway, there were a couple Reiki Masters there that were amazing. Helping folks. Selflessly.

      I was skeptical. But I tried it.

      I was blown away. I never experienced such a thing. Too personal to get into.

      The effects of Reiki can be dramatic and lasting.

      Your copy does not convey. When I read it, it cheapens it.

      Try again, and this time find a copywriter who's actually experienced Reiki. Have them write from THAT space. Or learn to do it yourself.

      - Rick Duris
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      • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
        Technically... all the fonts are too small... and the pictures above the header are distracting.

        And... people may take you more seriously if you use a name other than 'chick'... especially since Reiki is gaining world popularity where the word 'chick' will not work.
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      • Profile picture of the author Ross James
        Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

        Back in the 80's I did some part time counseling work at local AIDS clinic in Chicago. NLP sort of stuff. Raised T-cell counts and such. (Which is a good thing if you're HIV+.)
        I don't mean to thread jack but this is interesting Rick. I've heard of Bandler using his NLP to do remedial work for his more well-known phobia cures but what patterns did you use to do this? I never even knew this was possible, since it's sort of indirectly configured to the brain.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    "The Reiki Chick". Oh-my-God. I shake my head. Who's idea of branding was that?

    Train wreck. Next.
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  • Profile picture of the author fasteasysuccess
    I hope you got your money back from that copy or hopefully someone did that for free for you. It's great what you are trying to do, but definitely not expressing that or even getting people interested in it. Fire the copywriter you paid, get a new one and...

    Start from scratch. You will be way better off than now.
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  • Profile picture of the author 247Copywriter
    More Sedona quackery. :rolleyes:

    If you are so attuned to the universe and natural earth energy hands-on healing... how come this didn't travel through to your fingertips when writing this sales copy?

    I mean seriously...

    What is this?

    Discover the Amazing Benefits of Becoming a Reiki Master

    You Don’t Have To Wait Years And Pay Hundreds or Thousands of Dollars To Become A Reiki Master Using The Reiki Chick Home Study Course

    What on earth are you positioning yourself as the reiki chick for?

    What does that say about you?

    And whats with the indented commas on your main headline being the opposite way around? (On your homepage)

    In your copy, on something as important as your main headline... what specific purpose do they serve being displayed like this?

    And when did learning to become a reiki master cost hundreds of thousands of dollars?

    My advice, go back to the drawing board and start again.

    Think about your positioning a lot more carefully.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    Since, I took the lead in the thread, here is what I think about this headline.

    "
    Discover the Amazing Benefits of Becoming a Reiki Master

    " You Don't Have To Wait Years And Pay Hundreds or Thousands of Dollars To Become A Reiki Master Using The Reiki Chick Home Study Course "


    I was told a headline is nothing more than your best bullet point.

    To me this headline feels more like a feature than a benefit.

    What about Becoming A Reiki Master elicits my emotions to want to read futher? Nothing in your headline does this. Simply becoming one isn't enough, you need to include a huge benefit that would want me to say, OH' wow, I could do x if I became y.

    Hope that helps,

    Ross
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  • Profile picture of the author Suzanne7557
    Thank You for all the advice. Someone else wrote this page for me. I will go and redo it.
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