Please Critique Sales Copy

Originally Posted by kaymie

Can Someone please review this sales copy for me please?

thnx!

Write Crazy Copy the Fortune 500 Way


Here's the Situation

As a copywriter, you have 8 seconds, maybe less, to make an impression on your readers. If not, they move on to the next website.

Ok, they move on to the next website and what? YOU LOSE A SALE. Fear of loss is motivator #1 or #2 depending upon who you talk to (sex is the other candidate) so you have an excellent opportunity here to pump up the fear of loss in a very legit way.

So What do You Do to Keep Your Readers Interested



Try Copywrite 101. With Copywrite 101, you'll develop a new mindset to writing copy and you can get your message across in less than 8 seconds

Instead of try copywrite 101, put some more sizzle in there, "Introducing the Revolutionary Copywrite 101" or "Copywrite 101 has the answer!"

The principle at stake here is that by saying "try" you are creating an opening for your reader's subconscious that says, "gee, maybe this won't work". A very weird looking little badass once said, "There is no try, only do." He was a Jedi so you should always listen to him!

Guarantee

You WILL improve your Writing With CopyWrite 101. You Basically refresh what you already know and spice up your writing with powerful techniques plus an armory of power words that will make your writing irrepressible.

There is some issue with subjects and objects here. By saying "You WILL improve your copywriting" the subject of the verb is the reader. But you're selling Copywrite 101! People are laaaaazy, it is just a fact of life. So rather than saying "You will improve your writing with copywrite 101" how about saying "Copywrite 101 will improve your writing". Same meaning but slightly different undertones.

The main objective of CopyWrite 101 is to show you how to persuade people with words without breaking a sweat.

This is too wordy and not exciting enough. The words "Main objective" belong in academic journals, not sales letters! How about "Copywrite 101 reveals the exact words that persuade even the most stubborn and skeptical..."

Copywrite 101 is the brain child of a veteran copywriter who, out of the goodness of his hearts has compiled techniques he has been using for the past 30 years.

This isn't credible. While someone may indeed compile information out of the goodness of their heart, they don't write sales letters out of the goodness of their heart.

"Copywrite 101 was compiled by a fortune 500 copywriter who has decided to blow the lid off the secrets of the copywriting industry" might be a start at something better but I'm sure there is even a better way to convey this....

In fact, these techniques have driven up the sales of a number of Fortune 500 companies. And they have also served as advertising campaigns for these companies.

How about, "These exclusive techniques have skyrocketd the sales and share prices of several publicly-traded, fortune 500 companies!"

CopyWrite 101 makes it look so easy you're bound to pinch yourself for not thinking about it earlier. Without beating a dead horse, You will get tons of fun applying the techniques the right way.


By saying makes it look, you are implicitly stating that it is not in fact easy. The reader may pick up on this....

"CopyWrite 101 makes it so easy you're going to SLAP yourself for not discovering these techniques before now!"
How It Works and What's in It For You?

Go to Page 20 where it talks about the Golden Rule. Just post it your wall for inspiration and you'll be writing powerful copy instantly. But this is just for starters because you'll also

A little wordy and could lose reader interest here. How about

"Page 20: The Golden Rule. Post this on your wall and you'll start churning out powerful copy faster than you ever thought possible!"

I would point out though that golden rule should change. The golden rule is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and posting that on my wall isn't going to help me write faster. I know you aren't actually referring to the golden rule from the bible, but a lot of your readers will get confused by it.

.Learn four crucial steps that will totally transform your writing
.Learn how to create headlines that will hold your readers spell-bound
.Discover a vault of power words free at your disposal
.Learn how to write money-making landing pages
.Learn how to avoid common mistakes made by rookie copywriters

Let's make the benefits of this bullet list a little more prominent:

• Transform your writing with these four cricical steps!
• Hold your readers spell-bound with powerful headlines
• These 10 power words will drive your readers to hand your their money
• These six tips will transform your landing pages into profit pulling ninjas!
• 3 Deadly Mistakes that could kill your business--and how to avoid them!

You will also discover why the big boys charge so much money from all those great ads

I would just delete this sentence as it is not relavent. They charge as much as they can and people pay because they get results. Maybe you could say,

"The Big boys charge $10,000, $20,000 even $50,000 to create these money pulling ads.....Copywrite 101 will pull the covers off of their secrets so you can get the same results as them....without ever having to pay anyone a penny!"

Wanna Know the source of all this creativity?

Dont look any further. Take a ride with CopyWrite 101 into the depths of creativity. You'll learn tips for developing the right approach to writing coy and how to stay on top of the food chain 24/7. So long as you're having fun writing copy, people will continue reading it.

Discover how an easy technique called 'a forced reset' (see page 31) eliminates 'burnout and how you can utilize your sub-conscience to write copy in your sleep?

Is this awesome or what?

And you'll learn how to keep your writing energized. Energy and enthusiasm are crucial in getting your audience engaged. You can never have too much of them.

Keep Your Copy Burning!

Page 32 arms you with a cache of power words to fill your next paragraph. You can pull the trigger using these words any time you want.

Also, since landing pages are crucial to your money prospects, an entire chapter is devoted to creating the perfect landing page. You definitely want to learn this if you want to drive buyers in your direction.

It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

Yes, you'll get CopyWrite 101 plus two free learning modules but ONLY for a limited period. These modules, worth $50.00 act as the perfect foil for the techniques you'll benefit from in CopyWrite 101, taking your copy skills to an even higher plain.

Learning Document 1- The Right Editors Can Boost Your Income-Find Out Why?

Why do You Have to do all the work yourself when you could delegate to others? This is a question this module tries to solve. It shows you how to identify the right people and how to work with them. Instead of burdenting yourself with a huge workload you could free yourself to make more money be creative by delegating to the right people

Learning Module 2. -Congratulations, You're Hired! What's Like To Work as a Copy Writer?

While CopyWrite teaches you the nuts and bolts of writing copy, this brochure shows you the daily routine of a copywriter. You'll discover how the writer gets it done in an agency and also get a peep into the lives of agency and freelance copywriters.
Whether you want to be your own boss or be under somebody else's direction, it's up to you!

Order and Get Two Great Bonuses

That's right Place order for Copywrite 101, and you get both bonus Learning Modules. But be forewarned that it's only for a limited time only. After that, they'll be converted into two new books, costing $40 to $50.00 each.


And What's The Damage?

I Would have set the price CopyWrite 101 and the two modules $130. But because I want all copywriters(both rookie and intermediate) to be as prosperous as I am, I've decided to make the book and the two modules available at only$49.00

But HURRY UP! It wont stay low for too long!

And You Get Your Money Back after 60 Days!

That's right, if you 're not satisfied with CopyWrite 101, you'll get your money back in full, nothing less. But you still get to keep the learning modules- consider it a gift from me.