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My first sales page/pitch, advice please

by WhamSoft
7 replies
Hi,

I've been into affiliate marketing for a while and I'm pretty successful with that and so I wanted to start creating my own products and services.

I've just created my first product the Thumbnail Formula and it's designed for internet marketers.

I've run my first WSO for this product and it didn't convert, no sales at all.

So, I've gone back and made quite a few changes to the sales copy and I'd love to get some feedback on it before relaunching another WSO.

You can see the updated sales copy here
Thumbnail Formula

It's pretty basic in terms of design as I want to master a WSO before going out to the public, and at that point I'll add some pretty design elements.

Really appreciate your thoughts on this.

Thanks for your time.

Lee
#advice #page or pitch #sales
  • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
    Secrets Of The Video Thumbnail Will Show You...

    How To Get More VIDEO VIEWS
    For A Flood Of Traffic + Sales

    Step-by-Step Guide Reveals The Proven Formula
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    Hi Lee,

    It helps to look at this copy as though you were a potential customer yourself. Would this sales copy interest you? Let's look at it as potential customers together.

    As it stands, you're not 'selling' me this product. Ultimately, I'm not excited about getting more views, I'm excited about achieving my goals (more sales, more clients, more exposure.)

    You need to really establish that right off the bat. Focus on what problem/need it solves for me, and sell that to me.

    ~Danielle Lynn
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Looks like an interesting product with promise. But you won't sell many with this page. This needs a professional copywriter as well as a designer. There's too much lacking in the copy to go into a lot of detail.

    It starts with a terrible headline and spirals downward out of control from there. It also needs proofreading as it's loaded with spelling and grammar issues. The good news is that I think this thing will sell pretty well with the right pitch. Hire someone. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author tacoverhoef
    You could try to make it more a story you tell and in the story share the benefits the buyers woudl get when they buy your ebook.
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    The Action Taker
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