Will You Please Critique My Copy?

Hi Lesabrayla,

I've located the N. Temple WSO and it's a good effort for your first WSO, but there is quite a lot you can do to improve it.

For starters, you should drop the pre-pre-headline "[Nick & Sybil Here: This is our first WSO," That's too negative and hints at a lack of confidence in your offer. If you have doubts about the offer, why should your prospect have the confidence to buy it?

For the same reason, you should drop the opening line "Hi I'm N. Temple, and I am unbelievably excited to bring this insanely valuable package to you!". Because it fails the 'So what? test', you should subject every line of your letter to.

Instead, you should immediately start to talk about the prospect and their problem (Not how excited you feel).

And, as it's a letter, you should open with a salutation ("Howdy fellow Warrior" or something similar).

So you should open with a short line, like:

Howdy fellow Warrior,

It's tough, taking PLR stuff and making money, isn't it?

You see, you've immediately staked out some common ground between you and the prospect. And that starts to build trust, because we all warm to folks who share our point of view.

Then you should go on to enlarge on the probelms before introducing your product whch solves all those problems.

Now going back to the headlines.

You should drop the pre-headline: "The Most Amazing Turnkey Web site System On The PLANET!!!" Wild claims - especially with multiple !!! - and without immediate proof smack of hype and will do you more harm than good.

Better to stick with just the headline,. which you could improve like this ...


Read on to discover how you can grab your very own ready to go, niche web site at a very special Warrior price ...

That's just for starters, there's plenty more there for others to comment on.

Warmest regards,

Paul