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A little headline feedback please.

by mezloh
11 replies
1)

Are You Struggling to Get A Job?

Discover Proven Interview Strategies Guaranteed to Make You Stand Out From the Crowd and Get You Hired!

2)

Are You Struggling To Get Hired?

Put Your Frustrating Job Search Failures to Rest and Discover How to Develop An Effective Job Search Strategy That Works!

3)

Hiring Managers Got you Tongue Tied?

Discover My Step By Step Strategies That Will Make You Stand Strong In Front of Any Hiring Manager and Give a Job Winning Interview!


These are just a few headlines I am tossing around as the lead in to my video sales letter.

I would appreciate any constructive feedback or suggestions?
#feedback #headline
  • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
    Hi Mezloh,

    I'm in the middle of several projects right now, so I'll be brief.

    All of the headlines are pretty bad. Your market hears them all the time or doesn't put any stock.

    Here is what you do - bring the fear of unemployment home. Make it real.

    "If You're One Of The 29,957,522 Unemployed Americans... Here's Your Way Out"

    or

    "29,957,522 Unemployed Americans... Is There Still A Way For You To Prosper?"

    or

    "The Secret 29,957,522 Unemployed Americans Don't Know And Will Never Discover... But Can Guarantee You A Stable Job In This Earthquake Economy"

    or

    "1 In Every 10 Americans Is Unemployed Because They Don't Know The Secrets..."

    Anyway, I hope you get what I'm saying. The headlines you set forth are generic and played out. The unemployment market is being beaten to death with opportunities. I was at a meeting not too long ago and there were 4 people alone as "career coaches."

    Get them in the gut. Be visceral. Get their attention.

    Don't make it look like an advertisement. They don't have much money, anyway. You make it look like an advertisement, and they feel you're trying to con them of the few dollars they have.

    Best,

    Angel

    ****************

    By the way... the numbers above represent the current 9.8% unemployment rate of the US. I merely took the current population, multiplied it by .098 to get the number. Than divided the total population by the .098 number to get an estimate of the 1 in 10 unemployed.

    Just a quick bit of research there that will help you in the long wrong proving your case.
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    • Profile picture of the author mezloh
      Originally Posted by ARSuarez View Post

      Hi Mezloh,

      I'm in the middle of several projects right now, so I'll be brief.

      All of the headlines are pretty bad. Your market hears them all the time or doesn't put any stock.

      Here is what you do - bring the fear of unemployment home. Make it real.

      "If You're One Of The 29,957,522 Unemployed Americans... Here's Your Way Out"

      or

      "29,957,522 Unemployed Americans... Is There Still A Way For You To Prosper?"

      or

      "The Secret 29,957,522 Unemployed Americans Don't Know And Will Never Discover... But Can Guarantee You A Stable Job In This Earthquake Economy"

      or

      "1 In Every 10 Americans Is Unemployed Because They Don't Know The Secrets..."

      Anyway, I hope you get what I'm saying. The headlines you set forth are generic and played out. The unemployment market is being beaten to death with opportunities. I was at a meeting not too long ago and there were 4 people alone as "career coaches."

      Get them in the gut. Be visceral. Get their attention.

      Don't make it look like an advertisement. They don't have much money, anyway. You make it look like an advertisement, and they feel you're trying to con them of the few dollars they have.

      Best,

      Angel

      ****************

      By the way... the numbers above represent the current 9.8% unemployment rate of the US. I merely took the current population, multiplied it by .098 to get the number. Than divided the total population by the .098 number to get an estimate of the 1 in 10 unemployed.

      Just a quick bit of research there that will help you in the long wrong proving your case.
      Angel,

      I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to give some great feedback.

      You are exactly right!

      The first thing I thought of after seeing the unemployed numbers 29,957,522 is all of the Internet Marketing launches on clickbank lately that throw out mind blowing income numbers in their headlines.

      The big difference here is your suggestion is a real and factual number that will hit home and can be verified. Which makes this more believable and legit.

      You really made a difference.

      Thanks

      Travis
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  • Profile picture of the author Ross James
    That explains where you've been Angel, you offer great advice here. Op take note.


    Best,

    Ross
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Ross James View Post

      That explains where you've been Angel, you offer great advice here. Op take note.


      Best,

      Ross
      Thanks Ross.

      When I have more time, I'll resume my escapades across the forum.

      Regards,

      Angel
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    Travis,

    Angel's advice is excellent but the math is wrong. The unemployment rate is calculated by dividing the number of people seeking work by the number of of people in the workforce. The workforce is anyone currently working or actively seeking a job. You will have to do some research to get the exact number, but it is around 14 million.

    Mark
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Originally Posted by Pusateri View Post

      Travis,

      Angel's advice is excellent but the math is wrong. The unemployment rate is calculated by dividing the number of people seeking work by the number of of people in the workforce. The workforce is anyone currently working or actively seeking a job. You will have to do some research to get the exact number, but it is around 14 million.

      Mark
      Hey Mark,

      Thanks for the correction.

      I had found the national unemployment percentage and total US population and then just done the math from there.

      Regards

      Angel
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      • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
        Angel,

        I've got to say these were incredibly impressive headlines.

        I particulary liked headline 3.

        If it was me that's the one I would "test" first.

        (also with all the controversy over critiques, it was great to see mezloh expressing his appreciation).
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        • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
          Originally Posted by Steve Copywriter View Post

          Angel,

          I've got to say these were incredibly impressive headlines.

          I particulary liked headline 3.

          If it was me that's the one I would "test" first.

          (also with all the controversy over critiques, it was great to see mezloh expressing his appreciation).
          Yes, number 3 is strong. I don't need a job and I still want to read more.
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        • Profile picture of the author mezloh
          The main reason I posted here is because I wanted to remain objective and look at things from another's point of view.

          The last thing you can do is take things personal when asking for an opinion or feedback.

          You will never get anywhere in life if you think you already have all the answers.

          I am glad I posted here for some feedback.

          Thank you all.

          T
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  • Profile picture of the author alcymart
    No offense and respecfully, they're all terrible! Let me think this through... wouldn't you rather have Copywriting lessons instead? If I give you a fish, it will only feed you for a day...

    Take care,

    Bernard St-Pierre
    Marketing Consultant
    Copywriter/Teacher
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  • Profile picture of the author Sebastion
    I don't have much to say other than listen to those people.
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