6 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
6 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Playing With Words... My Attempt

by Tor-Sigurd D.R
5 replies
So... I've been on a learning frenzy as of late, bought a few courses from Jason about copywriting (Thank you J).

Anyways...

Here's my attempt at making eye grabbing titles for my squeeze page (still in wip, just putting this stuff out before I hit the sack )

100% Free

Let Me Show You How It's Possible
To Burn All The Fat You Want
At Your Command

100% Free

7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets
That Melts Fat Off Your Body
In Just 14 Days

Okay... I should get some sleep. Let me know what ya think. If you feel like giving, please, share your thoughts on the matter on how I can improve my headlines (or make new ones, probably!).

Thank you!
#attempt #playing #words
  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    "7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets
    That Melts Fat Off Your Body
    In Just 14 Days"

    Not bad at all.
    Signature

    Site being revamped.

    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

    Cool.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3338324].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by ASCW View Post

      "7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets
      That Melts Fat Off Your Body
      In Just 14 Days"

      Not bad at all.
      This would be better ...

      "7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets... Use Any 1 To Melt Away 10 Pounds In Just 14 Days!"

      (or whatever the magic number of pounds is)

      The first headline the OP posted doesn't pass the believability test.

      Alex
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3338396].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author schttrj
        Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

        This would be better ...

        "7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets... Use Any 1 To Melt Away 10 Pounds In Just 14 Days!"

        (or whatever the magic number of pounds is)

        The first headline the OP posted doesn't pass the believability test.

        Alex
        "7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets" < "7 Powerful Fat Loss Secrets"

        Always minimize the number...play with the words

        say a week instead of 7 days...

        So it comes down to -

        "7 Powerful Fat Loss Secrets...Burn over 10 pounds in ONE week...Get Amazing Results!"

        But this still needs to be worked on to make it even more persuasive!
        Signature
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3339013].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bareket57
    Originally Posted by Tor-Sigurd D.R View Post

    100% Free

    7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets
    That Melts Fat Off Your Body
    In Just 14 Days
    Secret Formula
    For Melting [your number] pounds Off Your Body
    In Just 14 Days

    Sign up for my 7 Powerful Fat Burning Secrets NOW!
    They are 100% Free
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3355576].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author tamarindcandy
      How about:

      100% Free Fat Burning Secrets
      Will Melt [X] Pounds off you in [Y] days

      The fewer words, the better IMO, and "fat off your body" is too much needless padding.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3357013].message }}

Trending Topics