First Clickbank Sales Page/Letter - Critiques appreciated

I think the biggest issue right now is that unless I maximise on my wide screen the page doesn't fit. Not a problem if you have a machine with high resolution but you'd be surprised how many users still have 800 x 600 screen resolution.

The video is OK as a teaser but watching it once I get to your site it didn't really tell me much other than you are offering 3 manuals and 8 videos and its something about traffic.

The font of the paragraphs you do have written isn't easy on the eyes. Impact is great for headlines but for reading a chunk of text it was actually quite hard going (even though it had the benefit that I could read it without my glasses lol).

Andy

Hello Greg,

Congratulations on getting your first product out.

Here are some tips I think you will find useful.

1. You said you wanted to try something different... that may not be the best move at this stage.

Right now, the screen is covered with graphics and the video, you will not be able to grab a buyer's attention with that.

That's because the colors you are using are hard to read.

2. Even though the the opening graphics text is "clever" you don't immediately get the benefit. The word torrent itself is confusing. I know you have a great concept there, however the first bit of your copy should be as simple as possible.

3. Your headline... is a bit to vague. Are your customers complete newbies? If that's the case it might work. On the other hand, more experienced buyers already know what you are saying in your headline.

In that case, being more specific about how your products will help them will be a much better option.

4. Your video is nice, but it's not really doing any selling for you. You might want to leave it out for now.

5. As the previous poster mentioned, you may want to do some CSS reformatting. The bold font makes your site look less credible. It's a bit like you trying to shout.

6. The words in your copy make a promise but there is nothing that proves that what you are selling works. As you said you are not done so you'll probably get to all that later.

7. The graphics are too heave and make your site take too long to load. You will most likely experience better results if you replace them with text.

All in all, keeping it simple. In the beginning sticking to what has proven to work is usually the best thing to do. And then you might want to experiment later.

All the best!

Mal's dead bang here.

I'm only quoting him instead of re-writing exactly the same things myself. Hope you give it a little extra credence with another voice chiming in.

took the words out of my mouth, if you dont know how to create good looking pages its much better to either outsource or get a good template to work on.

You are focused on the wrong things.

You need to stop thinking about banners, vids, or software. And start focusing on the actual bulk of your copy.



Ditch the video, because it doesn't do a damn thing to help your pitch

Ditch the banners and graphics, because it doesn't do a damn thing to help your pitch

Have good copy with real substance, and then make it easy to read. Because currently your copy doesn't really do anything...

Hire a copywriter, because this thing misses the mark by miles.

The design is going to make most people click away immediately. The colours are much too harsh, and the Impact font is downright painful. It's as though you opened a door and had a large mob of very big, very loud, and very drunk clowns leap out at you.

And, unfortunately, the billboard-style bullets just don't work, either. It seems like a cluttered, confused mess, and it's difficult to pick out anything from the overload of different things screaming for your attention.

When you write a sales letter - or most any writing, really - you try to make the reader's job as easy as possible. The same thing applies to a sales page. You want to make it easy for the reader to understand what your offer is, and how it will benefit them.

When lots of elements are crowded together like this, the reader gets confused. People don't like to be confused, and they will just leave the site.

I watched the video, because you asked us to. But honestly, if I had been an ordinary visitor to the site, I would have left right away.

The video isn't all that bad, visually. But it's much too long for such limited content, and it doesn't advance the sale. Every element of your sales letter should work towards advancing the sale. Don't do something just because it looks cool, or whatever. Only do it if it helps bring the reader closer to the decision to purchase.

You need to tone the whole page down and think about the experience of the reader. What do they need to know to make a purchase? How can you help them make that decision?

That's what you should be focusing on, instead of banners and fonts.