Can I get your opinions?

by leeous
6 replies
Hi All,

Could I get your professional eyes to review this sales page copy for my martial arts video download training program, I would be very grateful so I can send back changes or direction to copywriter.

Finally, You Can Access Amazing DVDs Never Before Available
To The General Public!
Learn Powerful Martial Arts Techniques
Endorsed By Former Champion and 5th Degree Black Belt!
Dear Friend:

Learn, practice and master today's most popular martial arts techniques from any location- your home, your office or on the road. Realize quick results with simple, step-by-step strategies personally endorsed by Former Martial Arts Champion and 5th Degree Black Belt, Lee Mainprize.

Place your order right now and you'll gain access to a wealth of video demonstrations and tutorials ideal for all athletic and martial arts skill levels including:

· Beginners looking to improve their footwork and self-defense skills.

· Intermediate athletes striving to enhance their form, strength and technique.

· Advanced professionals looking to master the art of grappling, street defense or the powerful Pilipino martial art Kali single stick.

Each DVD was hand-chosen by Lee Mainprize to provide the fastest and easiest results based on your personal skill level. As you successfully complete each level, step-up the pace and begin more advanced martial arts workouts. Our comprehensive DVD series is quite possibly the next best thing to having a personal martial arts trainer - wherever you go!

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Discover The Incredible Benefits of Martial Arts Training!
Martial Arts deliver some of the oldest and most respected self-defense, combat and sports techniques suitable for men and women of all ages and backgrounds. Hugely popular throughout the world, students are drawn to its scientifically proven physical and psychological benefits.

Each powerful DVD package shows you how to:

· Master self-defense techniques to protect you and your loved ones
· Dramatically enhance your cardiovascular strength
· Enhance self-control and self-discipline
· Improve flexibility, balance and coordination
· Control your mind and sharpen your mental focus
· Relieve stress and anxiety
· Boost your confidence and self-esteem

About Lee Mainprize
Company Founder, Lee Mainprize, has nearly a quarter century of martial arts training plus 15 years experience as a martial arts instructor. Former National Association of Martial Arts Professional Regional Director, he's taught winning strategies to hundreds of instructors, helping them simplify and maximize their students' achievements and results.

Lee Mainprize holds a 5th Degree Black Belt and is a former martial arts champion. He's a recognized and sought-after authority in the field, many times featured on the cover of martial arts magazines and publications, a Men's Health Magazine expert and Ezinearticles recognised expert author.

Order The Basic, Deluxe or Ultimate Package, Today!
You can now enjoy exclusive shopping access to our martial arts DVD programmes available in three skill levels - Basic, Deluxe and Ultimate!

These easy-to-follow, step-by-step programmes are immensely popular with professional instructors and have never before been made available to students. Now you, too, can benefit from professional techniques previously unavailable to the general public!
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Basic Package

Our incredible basic package is ideal for the beginning martial arts student. Practice, improve and fine-tune your skills with one of today's most trusted instructors. This three-DVD series includes the following easy-to-follow lessons.

Disc One: Beginner Level 1

Defend against the eight angles of attack and learn popular offensive and defensive footwork skills plus punch and elbow striking techniques.

Disc Two: Beginner Level 2

Learn easy ways to effectively defend against single and double grab attacks. Improve knee, kicking and striking techniques including strategies to combine form 1 basic blocking and striking skills.

Disc Three: Beginner Level 3

Learn how to counter your opponent from the eight angles of attack! In this third beginning-level DVD, you'll also gain step-by-step boxing and punching instruction including evading and covering.

[Order Button: Order, Today!]

Deluxe Package


Take your skills to new heights with our popular Deluxe Package ideal for beginners and intermediate athletes. You'll receive all three discs included in our Basic Package PLUS the following intermediate level lessons. That's six full-length DVDs for the amazing low price of just

Disc One - Three: Our complete three-disc Basic Package!

Disc Four: Intermediate


Train like a champion using focus pads, blockers and kick shields. You'll also gain professional instruction in creative kicking skills and powerful intermediate form 2.

Disc Five: Sparring

Learn how to spar effectively with expert guidance on the sparring stances and ways to develop distance and timing to beat an opponent! This DVD covers all of the most popular intermediate sparring techniques plus ways to make them work, combining techniques to beat higher quality opponents, plus blocking and countering skills. Finally, you'll participate in sparring drills to really hone your skills.

Disc Six: Classics

Dramatically improve the form and strength, learning pressure point self defense skills including classical stances, blocks and strikes and kata in its original form.

[Order Button: Order, Today!]

Ultimate Package


The Ultimate Package is our most challenging and advanced series ideal for trained professionals or serious martial arts students. You'll receive the entire series including our three-disc Basic Package, our three-disc Deluxe Package and our six powerful advanced lessons for the incredibly low price of just

Disc One - Three: Our complete three-disc Basic Package!

Disc Four - Six: Our complete three-disc Deluxe Package!

Disc Seven: Thai Kickboxing

Learn the highly effective striking art, an advanced boxing sequence and three kneeing and elbowing combinations! You'll also discover ways to put it all together into one long form to create a rewarding and challenging workout.

Disc Eight: Weapons Level

In this level, you'll learn the art of Kali single stick a powerful Pilipino martial art, including the five and eight angles of attack plus evasion and footwork skills. Meet and follow blocking and countering skills and find out how to control your opponents stick! Perfect your freeplay skills and participate in drills to develop your stick skills.

Disc Nine: Grappling Level

Learn how to control an opponent on the ground using the six pins. Find out how to escape from all six pins and put the skills together into freeplay and grappling skills to develop amazing grappling attributes.

Disc 10: Street Defense Level

Learn the most vulnerable areas to strike your opponent, how to use your body as the most effective weapon using street strikes, and how to easily apply them! Defend and defeat an attacker. You'll also learn highly effective defense strategies against punch, kick headlock, choke and push attacks.

Disc 11: Ground Strategy Level

Master all the Mixed Martial Arts and street skills required when taken to the ground or dealing with an opponent on their back. This includes ways to breakfall to prevent injury when you're knocked down plus ground defense shapes - including the guard and how to get back on your feet quickly when taken down! Defend and strike your opponent while on your back, attack and pass an opponent. Then integrate all of these skills to truly advance your craft.

Disc 12: Creative Martial Arts Level

This level teaches the showmanship of martial arts demonstrations, putting together an exciting form to music. You learn specific striking techniques and combinations for creative martial arts plus ways to create strong and powerful plyometric drills that enable explosive jump skills and quick transition between techniques.

[Order Button: Order, Today!]

Full Money-Back Guarantee!

We're so confident in the quality and value packed in each DVD series that we guarantee your satisfaction! If, after 30 days, you're not completely satisfied with your purchase, just contact us to let us know. We'll process an immediate refund of your purchase price! No hassles. No questions asked.
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Get Started Right Now!

What are you waiting for? Discover all of the physical and psychological benefits. Order one of our never-before-released DVD packages right now. Remember, your purchase is fully guaranteed!

P.S. Remember, martial arts training can dramatically improve your strength, stamina and self-esteem. Don't wait another day.
#opinions
  • Profile picture of the author leeous
    sorry bonuses etc to be added. 5 ebooks as standard plus upgrade bonuses for additional packages.

    Really interested in getting the main content right.
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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    The headline is very weak. Amazing? How so ...you don't say. Powerful? How so ...aren't all martial arts about the same?

    It's not compelling the reader to play hide and seek with information. Contrary to popular opinion, copywriting isn't about making wild claims and stuffing hucksterisms everywhere.

    First paragraph is selling the DVD format -- not the product. Either people have a DVD player or they don't. You're selling to people who own a player and know where it's located -- stop pawing the ground and get to the point.

    There is no target you're writing to. A classic, oft-repeated mistake is trying to be everything to everybody. Rather than getting more sales, you get less.

    You've put yourself into direct competition with ...exercise equipment ....non-martial art fitness courses ....health clubs All without noting a single solitary specific about what's in the course that's uniquely compelling.

    Even your background is unspecific and not connected to a benefit for the reader -- hence it is useless. "Experience" is generic, abstract, and generally what people whose experience is less than stellar tend to say.

    Put those instructors up front and have them tell your story in testimonial form.

    The copy is weak. The offer is weak. Targeting is weak. You're going to improve along multiple dimensions and in numerous ways. Dozens of problems. Concentrate on one course, put up three specific pages rather than one vague page. Rather than health and self defense, just go with one. The web tends to be unkind to generic everything to everybody products -- niche yourself.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    TELL A STORY!

    Tell me how Mary kicked some mugger in the nuts because
    she took your course...

    A story or any kind is far more likely to pull in readership than
    the chest-beating stuff you have here about how great your
    course is and what a champion Lee is.

    Study Matt Furey's copy - that should give you some ideas.
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  • Profile picture of the author jacstone193
    good comments from the warriors here !
    Signature
    Jack Stone - Who strongly believes that helping others is the best way to help yourself !
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    • Profile picture of the author leeous
      Thanks guys I knew it but as its my first time hiring a copywriter for sales copy web page, I thought I would get some expert opinions so I could throw it back at the copywriter.

      I think I need a new copywriter, I posted on Guru.com for this.

      I felt I could write better copy myself, alas have too much on to focus enough on writing.

      Some good pointers in appointing a good copy writer and the best place to find one would be really helpful?

      Regards

      Lee
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    There are many Warriors who write good copy, including me.

    You content isn't bad - it tells what the product is, and people
    want to know that. What you need is the excitement of the
    emotional appeal in there - which is a learnable skill for you but
    it takes time to develop.
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