Advice - FREE Automatic marketing solution

I think your page needs some work. better grapics and you site runs out of my browser

Well, I just looked at squeeze page. Its unclear what I would be signing up for and why? One bullet says, get an 'automatic marketing' for your BUSINESS.

Next bullet says get a JOB???...another bullet says get EMAIL ANSWERED.

I would assume this is an autoresponder you are selling?

This needs more explanation.
_______
Bruce

Yea seriously, that page is just sucketh.

Man I dono what to say, everything is bad about this. You need to start over from scratch.

I literatly CRINGE when I see that page. I am physically repelled by that web page. I would be suprised if you even got a 5% response rate from that.

It doesnt explain at all what im getting, its extremely confusing and its so awful looking I dont even want to look at it.

This is what you need to do. Explain your offer to us, in writing. Then we can go over how to take that offer and transform it into a kick ass squeeze page.

Thanks for great comments.

Have redone the squeeze page - comments please.

Brian

text

Graphic design is less frightening but still induces fear.

You have no real headline man. Its more like a product name.

You need a headline... a real one with a benefit. Or two or three.

Like this "Free Report Reveals How To Use Gmail To Build An Income On Autopilot So You Can Have The Freedom To Do What You Want"

In less than 5 minutes you can be set up and having your automatic income generation system rolling. This free report reveals exactly how to set up a automated sales funnel and increase your profits -- without spending additional time on your business.

Bla bla bla. Thats how it goes. Have you read any books on copywriting?

I would recommend reading Tested Advertising Methods.

Back to drawing board. My 65 year old partner thinks I am joking. Put up new page, used some of your word thanks.

Please check ....

text

I think your second bullet on "test" is missing a word.

Thanks for the advice.

Please have a look at the new improved version, then tell me what to do to fix.

Thanks

Uhh you missed something kinda important... your headline says use gmail to have the freedom you want. That tells me absolutely nothing. Seriously you have to read some books on copywriting.

The whole key to that headline is the MONEY APPEAL.

FREE INSIDERS GUIDE REVEALS: How To Use Gmail To Make You Money On Autopilot, So You Can Have The Freedom To Do What You Want

You know what, just go ahead and steal that headline. Your putting the effort but you dont quite get it yet.

Next dont say Yes! Brian unless you say From: Brian Carlese in the beginning of your letter

Also I would change "I want the free download report" to "Please send me my FREE insiders guide immediately"

Also, your bullets... suck. They're features not benefit oriented bullets. Dude you really gotta read some stuff on copywriting.

The Gary Halbert Letter
John Carlton
www.michelfortin.com

Go and get "The Adweek Copywriting Handbook" its available in most bookstores and was written by one of the best in the world.

Without being too blunt, your graphics suck! I've seen the template in the PLR Packages and wouldn't want to see it used by any means!

And Come On Dude, how did you make the ecover? It stinks! I can do better than that! I am 15 and never had any graphic designing experience before!

I would advice you get a 30 Days Evaluation version of Photoshop if you don't have it already and head over to ::MRR PERCUMA:: and grab the action scripts there! Get a copy of Adobe Photoshop For Newbies video tutorial (I think a warrior made it. I saw it somewhere) and if you don't want to spend money on the tutorial, I will show you a way to get the tut for Free! (Don't worry it's legal)PM me.

And you do need to work on your copywriting skills! I can't give a great deal of advice there cuz I'm working on them myself! But, do hear the Gary Halbert and John Carlton interviews by Michel Fortin. ANd bookmark this one:
Internet Marketing Seminars | Hard to Find Seminars | Michael Senoff

Here are some things I've redone, in your copy. I can't guarantee they're better than yours though:

Headline: Finally Revealed... How To Automate your business with GMail so that you have the freedom of time!

Sub-headline: What everyone running an online business and their Grandma must know about GMail!

Bullets:

• How To Automate A Mammoth workload with a method so simple that it will blow your heads off!

• How To Get Gmail To Do Your Marketing For You! (My Friends were ready to kill for this info)

Couldn't think of anything for the other two bullets. Maybe someone else could work on that.

But, hope this helped!
Bye,
Sumit.

Need some more comments on changed page -

Maximus - appreciate comments - need some more from you

- converting 20% currently

Brian