My subject line is killing me

by footpod

Posted: 13 years ago 12 replies

COPY WRITING

Ok so I am (sort of) following the Dan Kennedy sequence of auto responders.

I think he calls it the "trap door"

You transition from the goodies (what they get) - they haven't bought to a "keep in touch"

They get several content emails - then after they don't buy - there are three messages

(something like)

What have we done to upset you?

Breaking up is hard to do

OK I surrender

BUT on the OK I surrender - I am getting MASSIVE unsubscribe?

Suggestions?

#killing #line #subject

jtunkelo 13 years ago

What's the rest of the message like? They'll have to open first anyway, before they unsubscribe. Right?

And getting unsubscribes isn't a bad thing per se. Only if you're getting no sales or not enough sales in scale.. there's something wrong.
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footpod 13 years ago

Straight out the Dan Kennedy playbook

Dear xyz

Attached to this email is a picture of a white flag.

Why ?

Because I surrender. I wave the white surrender flag.

Yesterday, your voucher for 20% off any of our training courses expired and unfortunately, it has now expired, Run out, extinct, finished, no more.

You showed interest in our training, what seems like an age ago, when you took a free trial, but, for what ever reason, we haven't managed to excite you enough to get you to join our family.

I really don't want to lose touch so, if you don't mind, I would like to keep you on our friends list.

We will email you once per week (ish) with items of interest, news and free trials.

If this is too much for you - just say, otherwise, when you decide you want to join us, we will be waiting.
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- JWatson 13 years ago
  
  Well, that email would probably cause me to unsubscribe as well. :p
  
  It seems to me it is kind of a demand to "fish or cut bait."
  
  I find I always seem to have a few auto-responders I sign up for that almost interest me but not quite enough, so I stay on the fence for a while, before eventually unsubscribing on my own.
  
  If I had been undecided for a while, odds are that would have pushed me out the door. I often react in a "no thanks" manner if I feel I'm being pushed.
  
  Which as noted by jtunkelo isn't necessarily a problem, depending on whether you have a large enough base or have pre-sold enough that it is to your benefit to have a more targeted, truly interested group.
  
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  footpod 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by JWatson
  
  If I had been undecided for a while, odds are that would have pushed me out the door. I often react in a "no thanks" manner if I feel I'm being pushed.
  
  Agreed - thanks
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  fasteasysuccess 13 years ago
  
  A lot of the results your getting now could be from the sequence and
  delivery you are doing now. Like said, the way your doing it now is a take or leave it kind of deal.
  
  If they weren't interested in original offer, then they will take the unsubscribe most likely since not interested and too many emails in their inbox already.
  
  However, if you are providing them value and offering x in return for their feedback, then you will have way more people responding to your questions and staying on the list to continue to hear from you since you are providing them info they want.
  
  Now you are not only helping people by providing value, but you also now can offer future products or services that can help them as well. But the focus is the value and then about the product or service that helps them.
  
  That email from the Kennedy playbook you are speaking about also feeds into other sequences after initial "why didn't you buy" emails, like teleseminars, reports, articles and etc...
  
  If you come in and pitch, pitch, pitch...then people will keep unsubscribing because they hear enough of those every day, Build the relationships and provide value and you'll become way more profitable short term and long term.
  
  Thanks
  
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  Jacob Jans 13 years ago
  
  I once broke up with someone via email.
  
  It's funny actually. I never even talked to her.
  
  I'd sent her a bunch of emails before, but I have not idea if she read those. I'm not even sure if she read the breakup email. Well, I think she did.
  
  I mean, I really had a relationship with her. I'd sent her a few emails already, explaining the whole thing. Some of them were really nice!! I mean, I really put a lot of effort into those first few emails! Sure, I was a bit winy towards the end. But who cares? I was just trying to get her to respond! I mean -- WE HAD A RELATIONSHIP! She did respond to the breakup email though. Maybe just to make it clear that it really was over? I don't know. I've tried emailing her again, but she's never responded since.
  
  Thanks
  
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- Barry Unruh 13 years ago
  
  Dear Footpod,
  
  Attached to this post is a picture of a white flag.
  
  Why ?
  
  Because I surrender. I wave the white surrender flag.
  
  Yesterday, your voucher for 20% off any of our training courses expired and unfortunately, it has now expired, Run out, extinct, finished, no more.
  
  I hate to say it, but I'm totally confused. I don't really understand what I did wrong. Obviously you were interested, but I have failed you.
  
  Could you do me a big favor? I need to learn from you. Could you take a simple survey to help me understand what you, and many other people, really need? Can you help me see the errors of my ways?
  
  I really don't want to lose touch so, if you don't mind, I would like to keep you on my friends list.
  
  I will email you once per week to keep you updated as we implement the changes you recommend through the survey. You do not know how much I appreciate your help!
  
  I'm looking forward to your feedback, or if you prefer, send me an email, I would really love to hear from you personally!
  
  (Just a thought...)
  
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  JWatson 13 years ago
  
  Barry, I think that's a great suggestion...at least I certainly would reply/stay on the list. It really helps build a connection.
  
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footpod 13 years ago

Thanks guys

I *think* thinking about it that the freebie is too generic and so the survey idea is good at this point
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- Hugh Thyer 13 years ago
  
  OK, so you're getting unsubscribes on your third email.
  
  But are you getting any sales from it?
  
  Thanks
  
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  footpod 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Hugh Thyer
  
  OK, so you're getting unsubscribes on your third email.
  
  But are you getting any sales from it?
  
  Umm not from the unsubscribes no - It's actually about the sixth in the series
  
  Thanks
  
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