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A little help with my sales page

by mikeroosa
20 replies
I recently setup my first WSO and the conversion rate was awful. I'm pretty sure it's because my copy just sucked because I do have a lot of good reviews.

Here is the WSO thread and don't hold back.

Thanks,
Mike
#page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Let's see. Six figures with secrets from big name marketers. Hmmm... Have I heard that before? I think I have.

    Your problem is credibility. Even the newest of noobs ain't biting, even at $7. Why? I'd guess they're thinking you haven't actually done it. But, but... I've got the big named marketers on my side. No one cares.

    There are gurus all over the place. People are trusting stuff from others that are just like them. Adding to the credibility issue is your low post count. Sorry, that's a real issue. They're thinking, if this thing brings in six figures why ain't this guy just doing that? What's up with the little $7 WSO? Again, credibility.

    I could be way off on this but I've been around here a while and I'd bet going with the humility approach will improve this a lot. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    Hi Mike

    Okay - no holding back!

    The headline stinks

    It's not exciting at all, a bit vague, and clumsily worded. I stumbled over it a little and had to re-read it a couple times.

    There are good reviews, yes... but I don't have a concept of how this WSO will actually help me. So even if you had a ton of great reviews, if I don't think I need it, I won't buy it. And the other viewers are probably thinking the same thing


    Step back a bit and think about what really excites you about this product - and what would get others excited. Then build a pitch around that, sharing enough to get them interested, but not enough to satisfy their interest until they've purchased the WSO.

    Just saying "these secrets are amazing" isn't good enough

    Danielle



    Originally Posted by mikeroosa View Post

    I recently setup my first WSO and the conversion rate was awful. I'm pretty sure it's because my copy just sucked because I do have a lot of good reviews.

    Here is the WSO thread and don't hold back.

    Thanks,
    Mike
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
      Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy View Post

      Hi Mike

      Okay - no holding back!

      The headline stinks

      It's not exciting at all, a bit vague, and clumsily worded. I stumbled over it a little and had to re-read it a couple times.

      There are good reviews, yes... but I don't have a concept of how this WSO will actually help me. So even if you had a ton of great reviews, if I don't think I need it, I won't buy it. And the other viewers are probably thinking the same thing


      Step back a bit and think about what really excites you about this product - and what would get others excited. Then build a pitch around that, sharing enough to get them interested, but not enough to satisfy their interest until they've purchased the WSO.

      Just saying "these secrets are amazing" isn't good enough

      Danielle
      Thanks Danielle. I know the copy's not good and the headline too. This is my first attempt at a sales letter so I'm trying to learn what works and what doesn't. Guess I got the what doesn't down pat.

      So I need to go into the things they share more is what I'm getting from you and of course change the headline.

      Thanks.
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      • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
        Originally Posted by mikeroosa View Post

        Thanks Danielle. I know the copy's not good and the headline too. This is my first attempt at a sales letter so I'm trying to learn what works and what doesn't. Guess I got the what doesn't down pat.

        So I need to go into the things they share more is what I'm getting from you and of course change the headline.

        Thanks.
        No problem Mike,

        It takes a measure of courage to put your material up on display for a public critique. Regardless of our good intentions to help you out, I know it can make a person wince a little to hear that it's not where it should be.

        We all have to start somewhere, and your first attempt is better than most that I've seen.
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        • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
          Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy View Post

          No problem Mike,

          It takes a measure of courage to put your material up on display for a public critique. Regardless of our good intentions to help you out, I know it can make a person wince a little to hear that it's not where it should be.

          We all have to start somewhere, and your first attempt is better than most that I've seen.
          Thanks. I want to do a better job next time, so I definitely need to hear what's wrong. I already knew it wasn't spectacular which is why I asked for help. Nice site, btw.
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    • Profile picture of the author AnneE
      Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy View Post

      Hi Mike

      ...
      but I don't have a concept of how this WSO will actually help me. So even if you had a ton of great reviews, if I don't think I need it, I won't buy it. And the other viewers are probably thinking the same thing
      ...

      Danielle
      Danielle is right, that this is exactly what I was thinking. Your WSO didn't paint a picture that I could relate to... it didn't promise to solve a specific problem that I have, such as providing lots of traffic or getting me on the first page of Google and it didn't promise me any particular results.

      Most WSO purchasers are looking for something that can help them NOW and they might think, oh, well these interviews sound interesting, but so what?

      I thought the suggestions above for rewording about these recordings could change my life or get me to 6 figures faster than I thought possible -- those work better.

      Also in terms of physical layout. Yes, the fuzzy picture makes you think -- what the heck is up with that? You'd be better off not having a picture of the one guy than using the fuzzy picture.

      And also, your layout is so wide that I have to scroll left and right to read it. I have a laptop with 1024x768 resolution. An oldie but goodie laptop. Granted it may be a small minority of us that have such resolutions, but most people with that resolution will be closing your WSO faster because it's annoying to have to scroll to read.

      Hope this helps.
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      • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
        Originally Posted by AnneE View Post

        Danielle is right, that this is exactly what I was thinking. Your WSO didn't paint a picture that I could relate to... it didn't promise to solve a specific problem that I have, such as providing lots of traffic or getting me on the first page of Google and it didn't promise me any particular results.

        Most WSO purchasers are looking for something that can help them NOW and they might think, oh, well these interviews sound interesting, but so what?

        I thought the suggestions above for rewording about these recordings could change my life or get me to 6 figures faster than I thought possible -- those work better.

        Also in terms of physical layout. Yes, the fuzzy picture makes you think -- what the heck is up with that? You'd be better off not having a picture of the one guy than using the fuzzy picture.

        And also, your layout is so wide that I have to scroll left and right to read it. I have a laptop with 1024x768 resolution. An oldie but goodie laptop. Granted it may be a small minority of us that have such resolutions, but most people with that resolution will be closing your WSO faster because it's annoying to have to scroll to read.

        Hope this helps.
        I had no idea about the scrolling. I didn't even realize we could control the width that was used. I'll look into that. Thanks for your suggestions.
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  • Profile picture of the author writeandreview
    Take Your Income To 6 Figures Quicker Than You Ever Thought Possible With Secrets From Some Of The Best Marketers On The Internet

    Headlines that start with a verb like "take" aren't compelling.

    Drop "take". Replace "take" with something stronger like "grab".

    And, you might as well lose "some of". No need to be modest - you are giving the secrets to 6 figures after all

    Grab 6 Figures Quicker Than You Ever Thought Possible With Secrets From The Best Marketers On The Internet

    Or, you don't have to change any words at all. Just flip 'em.

    Secrets From Some Of The Best Marketers On The Internet Take Your Income To 6 Figures Quicker Than You Ever Thought Possible

    Don't use too many passive verbs.

    This:
    "I'd like to give you something that could change your life forever."

    Reads like this:
    "I would like to give you something that could, maybe, might, if you're lucky change your life forever."

    Change it to something more aggressive like this:

    In just a few seconds, you're going to hear the secrets that will change your life ...

    ... forever.

    Last week seven of the today's most successful, highly praised and richest internet marketers sat down with me, looked me in the eye and spilled their guts.

    Frankly, I was shocked.

    Hour after hour, each one of these marketing gurus blasted me with idea after idea -- each one more potent, more genius than the last. When we were done, my head was spinning.


    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author nielsty
    It's hard to take you seriously with those pictures - it looks like something you've stolen from the web. One of the guys has a beer in front of him and another is so pixelated that you can't even be sure who the person is... I know we're discussing copywriting here but your pictures have to match the words.
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  • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
    My two cents...

    Get a better headline. Maybe an offer headline. 7 interviews with world class marketers for $7?

    Also, you may want to create a crapton of bullets based on all the info in your interviews.
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    • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
      Originally Posted by JasonParker View Post

      My two cents...

      Get a better headline. Maybe an offer headline. 7 interviews with world class marketers for $7?

      Also, you may want to create a crapton of bullets based on all the info in your interviews.
      Thanks jason. I've tried several different headlines. I definitely agree with you on the bullets from each interview. I'm going to work on that tomorrow.
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  • Profile picture of the author Quality Copywriter
    Hi there

    There a number of things that could be done here to improve conversions.

    the last one I did was converting at 6% when I checked

    You can talk more me me through my site

    http://peterbrennan.net/?page_id=14
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    "Peter Brennan is the real deal, In the first 12 hours we did $80k...and over $125k in the first week...if you want to be successful online, outsource your copywriting to Peter"
    Adam Linkenauger

    For 12 ways to sell more stuff to more people today...go to...www.peterbrennan.net
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    no holding back...

    i went to the link and was like WTF?

    there's a vague, weak headline... with some pictures of dudes.

    there's a HUGE disconnect as to wtf all this is.

    you read the first part, and have no clue whats in it for me.

    And no disrespect to those guys, but i *highly* doubt they're the best of the best.... so the credibility is shot and down the drain at that point.
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    • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      no holding back...

      i went to the link and was like WTF?

      there's a vague, weak headline... with some pictures of dudes.

      there's a HUGE disconnect as to wtf all this is.

      you read the first part, and have no clue whats in it for me.

      And no disrespect to those guys, but i *highly* doubt they're the best of the best.... so the credibility is shot and down the drain at that point.
      Thanks Dave for the feedback. I know exactly what's in the offer so I guess I need to explain it better rather than assuming everyone will get it.
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    • Profile picture of the author ARSuarez
      Mike, buddy... This thing's a mess.

      Let me give this to you, blow by blow.

      1. No Believability
      2. No credibility
      3. No specificity
      4. Cliched
      5. No rapport building
      6. Price point is incongruous with product (worsened by the fact you do not have 1-3)
      7. Difficult to read (formatting)

      Solutions:

      1. Use a lead in + headline + deck to get them interested, promise information, and build your credibility

      2. Begin saying who you are, why you're qualified to interview these people and present this information

      3. Explain who each of these experts are and why they're worth listening to (including using testimonials about them, specifically)

      4. Build rapport. Build trust. Make them feel like they can relate to you and you really care about their success

      5. Justify the LOWNESS of the price. If this is so valuable, why is it so cheap? Explain. Give a good reason.

      6. Fix the formatting - show them where to start and where to stop.

      Peace,

      Angel

      PS. This is short because I am short on time.

      I also wanted to mention that recently, Dan Gallapoo was working with another marketer selling a bunch of talks about Frank Kern. They dissected his marketing strategies in conversation.

      And they STILL developed Frank Kern's credibility, and why his strategies were worth understanding.

      Frank Kern.

      While a select few of the IM community know who some of those guys in your product are, they don't know them at first glance. Tell them.
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  • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
    Thanks for all the great advice here. I'm really learning a lot and hopefully I can put all this to good use.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    hey mike.... yeah.... thats exactly it.

    wanna know something that helped a lot?

    frank kern had this video... i THINK it was for his core influence 2?

    he explains what he's giving you, why, what its gonna do for you and what you gotta do next...

    he makes it sound really good for the viewer and SIMPLE to understand and then do.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    here's the video.

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    • Profile picture of the author mikeroosa
      I took all the suggestions into account and made some changes. Hopefully it's better now.
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    i hope you're not talking about this:

    http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...osse-more.html

    the headline sucks.... sorry dude.

    like it really sucks.

    when someone is looking at this page, what is your offer gonna do for them?

    Like if we were @ the bar, havin a brewski... and you were sitting next to me telling me you have this killer product.... and i said... "Ok... whats it do?"

    i'm sure you'll get similar but much better explained answers from the official copywriters here.... they know a lot more about the what/how/why on the copy end.... i just know how to sell :-)

    Also... you're giving reviews from other people before you even tell me wtf the offer is!

    I'm reading ppls reviews and i have no clue why.... or what its for.

    What is it and why the F do I need it?

    whats it gonna do for me and why do i need it?

    why do i need to get this right now?

    what problem is this gonna solve that is driving me up the f'n wall?

    should get your brain workin....
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    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
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