Help with my first Squeeze Page

I like your subtitle very much. Your title is average and also is not centered. Overall the squeeze page looks good. In my experience though, your squeeze page is a little bit too long. Again, in my experiece the best squeeze page has a good title, a few bullet points and an opt-in form. Nothing more,the cleaner the better. Hope that helps.

Hi Istvan,

Aleisterone has a good point. However, before you change anything, do a simple a/b split test. Test the copy you have now versus shorter copy. Measure the results and stick to the winner.

As is, the page looks nice. But "looks" don't equal results nor profits - which is why you should always test.

- Jay

WOW, your squeeze pages looks very good.
The graphics are very professional.

Well Done

Thank you, Oscar!
Actually, the graphics were made by a pro graphic designer - see the footer for the credits.

I was just able to take a quick look at it and didn't read it all the way through...I have to run out the door here in a min.

First is first...test everything. Don't just take what I say, or others say as "that's the way that is".

On to the page...

The graphics look great, but in my opinion are much too over bearing. Between the header, the sparkle on the checks, and all the red stops etc, it's to over powering I think and immediately donates to people that you're trying to sell them on something. Try toning it down a bit, and instead "sell" them on your help, and your free information. Don't hit them too hard over the head just yet...let them come to you.

Also on the graphics, in your email submit form, I think you should change the actual submit button to something that actually looks like a button. There are plenty of people out there (esp in this market) that will look for a submit button or sorts, not see one and leave. Make it more like a button than an image.

Right above your submit form with the big red BONUS site, try removing all that about the "pre-sale". This people are looking for information at first, and it's my guess that they don't want anything to do with being sold to right now. That alone could keep them from opting in. Don't make the mistake in thinking that just because they aren't ready to buy right now, they won't be ready to buy at the end of your email series, reports, etc.

The header and the headline...

The header really distracts from the headline in my opinion, and especially with people in the age group and market you'll be dealing with that could really hurt your conversion rates. Test out some much more toned down headers.

The headline is well...I think you can make it MUCH stronger. I don't like how you added in "developed world" and I think that might hurt but that's just me. I think the whole header should be changed to relate to them much more, and again not to sell them on anything. Your header already donate that you're trying to sell them on the free report. The first thing that stands out in the headline is "FREE REPORT", get rid of that. Try a story type headline that relates to them, and makes them feel that it's a benefit is they kept on reading. With times like today's this market will be more emotional than usual, and you'll have to relate to them directly...hit right in the heart...then hit them in their brain where their logic sits.

Last but not least..... Change the way you wrote your privacy and spam policy at the bottom of the page. If you ever choose to sell your site and your business you won't be able to because you've legally bound yourself to NOT selling your customers to someone else. You could sell the site, the product, but the not your list...and in the end that's what buyers are really looking for. Just change the whole bit about not selling their email etc.

Just my two cents...and remember to take everything with a grain of salt...and test the hell out of everything...everything that makes sense anyway

Mike

Wow!
That's a very detailed useful post, mdunn123! Thank you.
Lots of food for thought... I really appreciate you spending so much time to write it.

I love the title of the report "Who Stole Your Pension." I truly believe that should be worked into the headline even if you have to take it off the graphics in order to use it.

That alone is a very strong, attention-grabbing statement. I would consider developing that line of thinking more for the headline.

I would also write the bullet points so they were stronger as well. Hit them with bold teaser copy.

And by the way, I love the phrase you've used when you talk about researching the report, discovering "what a miserable future lies ahead of me." This idea deserves a little development as well.

You really have done a great job with this. Don't give up, headlines are tough to write -- even for the professional copywriters.

Terry

"Who Stole Your Pension?" is a great headline. Much better than...

"Grab This Explosive FREE REPORT That Reveals Everything You Need To Know About The Pension Systems In The Developed World!"

That's more of a subhead. I'm worried that the "Who Stole Your Pension" might look like more of a surhead and be easily missed. Header graphics like that can easily be looked over and the content not absorbed...

...so I'd try taking "Who Stole..." out of the graphic and putting it in big letters as your headline.

Here's why I don't like the headline that's there now.

"Everything You Need To Know" That's not very specific at all. And you need to be. In fact, your prospect probably doesn't want to know everything, just the important parts... like who stole their pension and what they can do about it. Get specific and make it something that will shake them out of their boots.

And oh yeah, since you're leading with "Who Stole Your Pension", make sure the rest of the copy addresses that theme.

The bullets you have next to the graphic are more boring textbook than the jaw-dropping drama that headline produces. Make sure each of those bullets make people think they HAVE to know more about each of the bullets. Make them tease like crazy. And if their pension is being stolen, make sure the bullet makes them worry (assuming they should be worried, right?).

"how pension systems work" isn't nearly as enticing as...

"The villain who is legally allowed to drastically reduce your pension... and how you can stop him." (I just made that up, so if it doesn't make sense for your product... whoops, I just don't know much about pensions.)

I'd take these two paragraphs out...

"But wait, let me tell you something before you hit that Back button thinking this is another cheap "free" report with useless information as so many others! This is NOT your average free report.

"I am coming from an academic background and I never give out anything that is not well researched and documented. Simply, that's how I have been trained. My team and I put a lot of effort in researching the pension situation after I found out what a miserable future lies ahead of me."

By telling them that your report doesn't suck, you're actually implying that it does. That's why copywriters are trained never to say "Believe me" or "honestly" because if you have to say it, it implies the opposite.

The length of the squeeze page is about the length Michel Fortin told me works the best for him. But you might try adding another opt-in form box at the top as well, maybe to the right of the headline.

Cheers,
Stephen Dean
Copywriting Tips, Maximize Internet Advertising -- Copywriting, Internet Advertising And Business Success Blog By Copywriter, Stephen Dean

Hey Istvan,

I love the concept... it's certainly attention grabbing. A couple of things I noticed.

Obviously people in the US use the word Pension, but generally people seem to call it their "retirement", not their "pension". If your only targeting people in Canada or the UK, then it's perfect. Of course, if you using the word pension based on keyword research, ignore everyting I have said, lol...

Generally when your writing copy you want to talk to just one person, the reader. With that in mind I would avoid using "Developed World". It is crazy tempting to make any website as catchall as possible, but I would try and focus on making it as personal and relevant as possible.

One way you can localize, but still be relevant to lots of people is with a GEOIP script. I've used them lot and it can work really well when you work it into your copy. I haven't used this one, but it's free, so it might be worth checking it out **** budurl.com/geoip *****

I know you didn't ask for design help... but that never stopped me before, lol.

This block is way too busy ** budurl.com/sitereview **
I would try and make it narrower and longer. Lots more white space. Try and get some of it into Johnson Boxes ....

Just like everyone else has said.... our advise means nothing. Test your page and see how people respond. The best entry level testing is offered free by Google ** budurl.com/GoogleOptimizer **

Hope that helps, Dan

If it's a squeeze page, it may be a bit too long...

Nice work! You may want to split test your squeeze page and try adding the opt in before the fold to see if it increases conversions for you. You can run some split tests for free with Google Adwords Website Optimizer.