Copy Critique: Can You Help me Out?

3 replies
Dear fellow warriors,

I would like to get some feedback on the squeeze page I have set up.

Free Marketing Course

All suggestions are welcome.

Thanks
#copy #critique
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I think your headline is a yawner. It looks like so many others. I also think you need to mention the fact that it's 12-day email course in the headline. It almost looks like you get to that as an afterthought following the headline. Get it up top so they know.

    I don't think you get much bang for your buck by going after gurus. The majority of gurus sell stuff that works. Some people buy courses from gurus, don't follow the program, and then they get discouraged and blame the guru. So what. The 'us against the guru' thing is worn out in my opinion. Find a better hook. (see below)

    The first set of bullets is kinda weird. You mention a chess player and something about mom. You are now entering the confusion zone and a confused mind almost always says no, even for free stuff. If you want to develop those two points because they are unique or special in some way, then explain them briefly and put them into the proper context, which is marketing. I think that will serve you better.

    You do have some decent stuff on the page after the first bullets. The best of those points is the stuff about secrets. I really like that. In fact I would take that and make it the theme of the offer. Build your page on it. And I'm not sure people want to hear what the course is not about just yet.

    That will work in many situations but before you can go there you have to tell them what it is about. If you want to keep that part then do a good job of explaining your stuff and only then let them know what's not in it. Also, the prhase about wasting thier time needs to get the boot.

    Again, no need to bash gurus. To develop the 'secret' thing keep it real with something like, have you ever wondered about all these wild and crazy secrets marketers keep shouting about? Well guess what, there ain't no stinkin secrets! And then go into a simple explanation of what business, any business, is all about.

    Be straight with people. You could even qualify it more by saying that there are proven techniques that you may be able to add a twist to to make it better, but the secret thingy is baloney. You could also add that the claims about secrets people keep touting are most often nothing more than proven marketing methods with a twist, that's all.

    You might go with something about 'the real scoop on insider secrets' kinda opening right from the start of the page and let them know what you've got in plain English, make it compelling and you'll get people to sign up for your course. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author smallbusinessguy
      WOW. That's a very detailed analysis.

      I have made some tweaks based on your suggestions. Can you have a look now?

      Thanks travlinguy
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Okay, I checked it and it looks pretty much the same. I see a few minor changes but this thing doesn't need tweaks it needs a major overhaul or a complete rewrite.

    People will sign up for free stuff simply because it's free. But if you want them to eagerly anticipate the arrival of your emails, they need to be convinced that you've got the goods. I'm assuming you're marketing something more comprehensive through the email. Well, they first have to WANT to get those emails. And I believe your conversion rate will certainly show you that the page isn't making the point.

    You'll probably get some signups with it as it is but if you really want it to max out you need a consistent, cohesive flowing page with a beginning that logically progresses to a call to action where the reader is actually excited to sign up. That's the formula.

    But hey, I'm no authority. Maybe it will work. Leave it up and get some more feedback from others here, and more importantly, from the marketplace. That's the only opinion that really matters. Good luck
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