Please Review my Landing Page

by 36burrows

Posted: 13 years ago 7 replies

COPY WRITING

Hello fellow warriors,

I just recently found this forum and it's loaded with awesome information and I love it!

I was hoping someone could take a quick look at my sales page and offer some advice.

This is my first time making a website like this, so I know for a fact it can be better, plus my conversions are lacking as of late.

I'm also in the market for hiring a pro copywriter to take this site to the next level. I'm fully aware of how much hiring a professional costs, and have no problem with that.

The site is in the health niche, and the link is in my signature, thanks for spending some time for giving any advice you're willing to share with me.

If you need anymore info, just ask and I'll respond ASAP.

Much appreciated!

#landing #page #review

AdwordsMogul 13 years ago

Hi,

I just looked at your copy.

The thing is your site looks like sales copy but when you read it it seems like several articles pieced together.

I'm going to go step by step:

1) Your headline isn't selling. You are basically offering information. Even if someone was ready to buy they would assume it's just an information page.

Secondly, there are benefits one can get from liver cleanse that can be used in the headline.

Basically, your focus seems to be more on the product that what your customer is getting. That's because...

2) The copy doesn't seem to have a well defined target audience. Are these guys new to liver cleanse? Are these people trying to lose weight? Are they already aware of the benefits and want a reliable source to buy from?

3) The fact that you have researched into this doesn't mean much any more. There is too much competition. You need to show how these products improved your life, or someone else's.

4) There is too much information presented in a "factual" manner. This is a sales copy so it's best only to pick what the customer needs to know in order to buy.

This has to be presented as benefits.

5) "Click here to read more?" . Why would you want to click away from your sales copy?

6) If this landing page isn't meant to sell, then you have to make a choice:

- you either use it to grab emails so you can build up your list
- break up the content into interesting articles for your target audience, then send them to a sales page.

5) The banner at the bottom = lost sales. It makes the site lose credibility.

Bottom line: You need to decide on what your business model is, before you build your site.

Right now it looks like you're trying to drive affiliate sales. If you want long term success, first decide on your target audience, then think of what will give you credibility with them. Basically, they need to know why they should listen to you.

Then, it's not just about the copy. Your website needs to be properly formatted.

PM me to get more help.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature
"Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers

⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
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- 36burrows 13 years ago
  
  Wow, Thank you for such a great review. It really opened my eyes to the bigger picture.
  
  In response to #5 - The "click here to read more" is an affiliate link, but maybe that's not the best way to put it haha
  
  Clearly I need some professional help with writing a good copy, I'm very grateful for your review and will work on changing some things!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  PPC Management Services
  
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  AdwordsMogul 13 years ago
  
  You're welcome.
  
  The main point here is that you need to first decide on your business model.
  
  Copy is important but it won't fix everything.
  
  Basically:
  1) How are you planning to make money from this?
  2) Who will give you this money?
  3) How are you going to get people to come to your page? SEO? Newspaper ads? Are you building a list?
  4) Why exactly do you think this is a good idea?
  
  As much as I would love to get my hands on writing this copy, these questions (and a few others) must be answered if you want to make money with this site.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
  Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
  PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers
  
  ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[3771041].message }}
  
  36burrows 13 years ago
  
  I can answer those questions right now
  
  1) When someone purchases the product I make money. I've already made some sells. but nothing special.
  
  2) The company I'm an affiliate for. The links on the website go to the companies site where they can purchase it.
  
  3) Right now using SEO and article marketing to get traffic. I'm currently on page #2 on Google for the popular keyword "Liver Cleanse" and a few others which are related. I won't stop working until I'm on page #1
  
  4) It's a good idea because I love the product and it has proven to help myself and everyone I know who's tried it. I truly believe in this product.
  
  Any more questions I would be happy to answer.
  
  Thanks again!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  PPC Management Services
  
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  AdwordsMogul 13 years ago
  
  Great!
  
  All right, so let's get back to your copy. Here are some steps you can use to get started. Once you've done them you can go on to refine your copy.
  
  1. The first thing you need is to decide on your target audience. Ask yourself, who is most likely to buy this product?
  
  Since you are using related terms, people who find your page are already somewhat familiar with the product.
  
  2. What are these guys asking themselves? Why did they type that keyword in?
  
  And most importantly:
  
  What result are they after? If this product was a magic potion,what problem does it instantly resolve?
  
  Try to make these as tangible as possible as in: "I can now do 30 press ups but before I could hardly do 5" better than "Now I feel much stronger"
  
  3. Then you want to look at the exact experience you have had that brought about the result you got. You seem very passionate, so I'm sure there is a great (short) story somewhere.
  
  4. Then you need to support the claim you make about the result. This means facts from verifiable sources.
  
  5. I'm not sure if you have testimonials, but those need to be on the page as time goes on.
  
  6. Make a list of reasons why people won't buy (objections). Write down what you would say to those people to make them feel comfortable.
  
  For example, customers might think:
  
  He is just an affiliate trying to make some money.
  
  This may make me ill.
  
  Is this scientifically proven?
  
  It's to cheap to be true.
  
  Let me check out other distributors who sell directly to customers.
  
  Oh, I just clicked a link and it looks like a completely different site.
  
  Is this a scam?
  
  7. It's probably best if you write your headline last.
  
  8. And of course, don't forget to answer these questions in your copy "Why should I buy this product, why should I buy it now, at this price, why should I buy it from you?"
  
  9. Keep in mind that without a list, you can't hold onto your customers online.
  
  These are just a few pointers so that you have a good beginning.
  
  Do this now: Get rid of that pretty lady on the blue background. She ain't helping. Instead put your picture at the beginning of the copy. It's much better over there, makes things more credible.
  
  Forget the banners, use only order now buttons and text links. (You may want to check out the Belcher Button)
  
  P.S. When I say "good idea" I mean bring you money that makes this venture worth your time.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  "Those who can - DO IT. Those who can't, say it's impossible."
  Jean Paul a.k.a AdwordsMogul
  PHPDevelopers.net - Top of the range PHP developers
  
  ⇉ Easy Link Saver - Are you tired of the pain of constantly searching for your affiliate links? ( Chrome extension - FREE )
  
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damjan

13 years ago

Hey man, welcome. I'm new here as well. I'm not a copy writer yet but your head line is not compelling at all. What I've learned from headlines is that they have to give a reader a tremendous benefit and get him/her interested to read further. Your headline doesn't provide so it doesn't interests me to learn more about it. You've placed your order link too soon without persuading me to want to buy it.