Looking for a critique

Hey Matt,

heading offline but thought I'd give you some quick thoughts on your page..

1 - Headline - your current headline is pretty weak, you really need to engage the reader of the site with your pre headline, headline and sub heads.. make it engaging and get it to pull some emotion.. Go to clickbank and see what the highest converting IM products are at the moment and check out their headlines.. they will be unrealistic of course but see the emotion they pull on the reader.

2 - you gotta make the letter 1-1, always start with a dear friend or the like so the people reading get the feeling you are writing to them and just for them..

3 - Push the benefits not the features of what you are buying.. This is where alot of people get it wrong, you need to tell the reader why they can't live without what you're offerring, they don't really care about the product but they do care about how the product will help them to to the place they need to be..

4 - Design elements and conversion points are missing on the page.. I doubt this is the finish page, but you need to make sure that you take into account design elements of the sales letter to help push conversion.. everything plays an important role in getting the sale, so make sure you really work on it no matter how small it may seem.

hope that helps

My impressions:

* Your headline needs a different focus. It doesn't seem to match all the rest that you say throughout the sales copy. Based on what you're selling/saying down in the copy, the headline needs to make a more relevant point - a point specific to free wordpress plr themes being hot money-makers. (The word 'product' is too vague in your headline. I thought you were going to sell me on selling a weight-loss juice or something

* I think your headline might be stronger if you maybe made it a sentence that: 1) uses your keyword, and 2) conveyed a key benefit about selling this product. This is what stood out as a benefit: GET BACKLINKS. I also think people with lots of IM subscribers would jump at having this to give away... But you've buried these two main selling points.

* I had no clue why I should want this until I read this sentence: "Imagine offering your subscribers free wordpress themes to build their sites with. In each theme you give them, you will have a free backlink in the footer, advertising your site to google." What if this became your headline (or at least your sub-header)?

* To me, having your name as the 2nd sentence on the page is a waste. You might be better off using that prime real estate trying to help me understand your product, and why I should use it. I mean, learning your name eventually is fine, but for me, it gets in the way where you have it. (When you give the name, put it in context with your qualifications. Maybe tells readers you two have designed over 50 popular WP themes or something, and have gained backlinks galore.)

* You need wider left & right margins. Put more white space down both sides of your content area. Because my eye is having to travel too far from left to right when reading. A more narrow reading line length makes it quicker & easier to read, and prevents the reader from getting lost.

Best of luck!

Thanks guys!

Will definitely work on those and yes "Copywriter" this is not the finished product. This is only round one.

Seeing as how this is the first time in writing a sales page of my own though, I thought I would get some feedback from the start!

So, to do list:

1. Find another header that includes my main keyword.
2. Find a sub-header that includes my main benefits.
3. Re-write sales page and focus on the benefits, not the product.
4. Try to narrow down the width of the blog, making it narrower? (correct?)

Thanks,

Matthew Roe

What's PLR? I know, you know, but how many people out there don't? You need to explain that briefly right up front and list the many uses for it along with the benefits. That's more than half your pitch and you haven't addressed it at all. People who are already hip to PLR will skim right over that stuff and people hearing the concept for the first time will learn a lot. Maybe they'll even buy from you.

The dark theme of the site doesn't work for me. It's gloomy. And is that Bruce Lee up there? Why? Was he secretly into PLR? Not sure what he has to do with this but I'd change the theme of the page to something more bright, upbeat. Discover the Word Press Master within? If you say so. To me it's hokey. Instead of trying to be cute, get to the point. Explain your stuff and why they really, really need it and then insert a call to action. Good luck.