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Did I plug this product to aggressively? (sleazzzyyy)

by MorbitlyObesePaypalAccoun
2 replies
Im new to the IM scene and feel a little overwhelmed. I am trying to start developing some streams of income. My first one I'm using is amazon. It is really just the easiest way to get things going. Right now I haven't been driving traffic just yet I'm just stocking content. Eventually I'll add a site map, and any other essential credibility building things.

So in spirit of making money I wrote my first post that plugs a product from amazon. Plz critique me. Also if there is anyone who makes a lot of dough online feeling like helping a military service member like myself make money then pm me. I am willing to pay for such a service.

It is really hard to stay current with this stuff while I'm constantly deploying but I'm pushing through it.

Without further a due A great Way To Ruin Your Life With Pick Up - You're Enough
#aggressively #plug #product #sleazzzyyy
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Okay, good effort. I'm going to use the first two short paragraphs to illustrate a couple of points.

    I've been sitting here doing some reflecting over my life and the game. I realized that some of my worst momements have come as a direct effect of my not committing to the game.

    If you are going to do this you have to commit. You can't just read this stuff online then decide to try to do this stuff randomly on women that you meet. You have to have this stuff internalized in order to succeed, which takes commitment and dedication.

    Okay, in the first sentence you start out pretty good. You make reference to the game without actually saying what it is. And that can be okay because it builds curiosity. In the second sentence you talk about not committing to the game, again without explaining. As a reader now I'm not curious, I'm slightly annoyed but willing to forgive if I get an explanation of what the heck you're talking about.

    First sentence, second paragraph. Okay, if this weren't a critique, I'm gone. If you are going to do this... Do what? What's the game? Then you say in the next sentence, "...to try to do this stuff randomly on women that you meet..."

    Anyone sticking this long is confused. They might guess it's about meeting women but they aren't going to stay around to play guessing games for long.

    Better to start with something like this: Are you in the game? Do you like being in the game? What game, you ask. You know, the dating, mating, how YOU doin' game.

    I started with curiosity and quickly let the reader know what I'm getting at. You need to do the same. Sometimes we get so close to stuff we naturally assume without thinking, everyone else is hip to it. That's where writing like this comes from. But it's easily avoided.

    Before you sit down to write something, first ask yourself what you're trying to accomplish, what kind of outcome are you looking for. Then ask yourself, if I'd never heard of _____, whatever point it is you're trying to make, what would you need to know to understand it.

    One way to do this is write to a friend explaining it in detail. Then step back after you're finished and remove all the personal references and you'll probably have something. Hope this helps. And thanks for serving. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author MaryB
    A few things I notice right away ...

    • The title seems awkwardly worded to me and not really connected to the book's content.
    • I find the picture distracting. At first glance, I think it's a post about pets or the beach or vacation or travel. Maybe a picture of man and woman in a romantic embrace or on a date or something would be better?
    • You have a misspelled word in the first sentence and misspellings and punctuation errors throughout the copy. My opinion of your expertise/professionalism just dropped a bit.
    • On the book's first mention, the title is not linked. I would link every mention of the title.
    • All of the copy runs together on the page. Break up the copy with paragraphs, sub-heads, bullet points, etc.
    • I'd like to hear more about how the book helped you, your personal experience with it, etc. Going into the research study details in the fourth paragraph is boring, I think.
    I hope some of that helps ...
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