What do you think of this style of copywriting for the golf market?

by BillyBee

Posted: 13 years ago 12 replies

COPY WRITING

I am writing a sales letter for the golf market and I came across this headline that John Carlton wrote for a golf product:

Why Are "Sanctioned" Teachers Screaming
Bloody Murder About the Simple 4-Step
Golden-Glove "Body Shot" Secret that Forces You
to Deliver Massive Power Through Your Right Arm
for Breathtaking ... Accurate ... Monster Tee Shots!

I know that Carlton is a legend, but this headline strikes me as kinda hypey and sensationalistic.

What do you think of this type of style? This will be for an online sales letter selling an information product, and I'm wondering if this type of style is effective.

Appreciate any thoughts, thanks.

#copywriting #golf #market #style

The Copy Nazi

Banned 13 years ago

Oh gawd..."hypey and sensationalistic (no such word BTW)

You have no idea. Not a clue.

Ever played golf?

I rest my case.

(I was going to leave it at that...but if you were a golfer...the copy is "resonating". I should tell you why but I couldn't be bothered)

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BillyBee

13 years ago

Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi

Wow, what about my question deserved such an arrogant response?

I've played plenty of golf. And I'm well aware that "hypey" does not appear in the dictionary just as your "Gawd" doesn't.

And then you say you can't be bothered with helping me with a legitimate question . . . Well, why are you on this forum then?

Willing to give you a mulligan if you want to expand on your comment and offer some actual insight and help.

Thanks
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Steve The Copywriter

13 years ago

Billy,

I think the point is that John Carltons "Golf Headlines" are renowned as being the ultimate in the golfing "niche."

The reason? - although they may not be to your taste...(or others).

Those style of headlines resonate so strongly with the "golf market" and with the copy have sold gazillions of golf "products."

If they didn't work so sensational well - he wouldn't have used them.

It's always the "market" that decides on an Ad - and the golf market decided to respond to Carltons Ads in droves.... year after year after year...

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BillyBee

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Steve Copywriter

Thanks, Steve, appreciate that. I was so taken aback by Copy Nazi's tone (and false assumption that I wasn't a golfer) that I couldn't tell if he was serious or not.

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gjabiz

13 years ago

(Revised because I reread your post.

It is for an INFORMATION product online. In this case, the Carlton Style is probably going to prove to work for this. The below post might be considered for any back ends you have in mind to offer people who buy your information product, OK? )

Ah, the golf market. Been in it since the 60s. Seen a lot of promotions. Written a few myself.

Love Carlton's work. HOWEVER,

it goes to target. There is NO golf market, other than the golf magazines, and even then, you probably want to segment depending on your product.

POWER and distance don't perform that well with Women. So, if you''re selling pink golf balls to promote a cause, the so called "hypey" headline won't be well rec'd.

We've sold equipment, instruction, books, audio programs and clothing without ever running a full page ad with one of those terrific headlines about one legged golfers, blind golfers, etc. etc. So, an answer from someone WITH a clue, is

it depends.

On your segment of the golf market. Who exactly is receiving your letter? Where will they read it? Is it an online presentation? Is it a direct mail piece? When will it be mailed?

See, in my 40 years of experience, the STYLE of the presentation, the promotion IS as dependent on the target, the person actually reading it, as it depends on the product and the time.

There has ALWAYS been and always will be a segment of the golfing population who will buy the most recent magic to get more distance (much like they buy Viagra or Cialis) so the Carlton type promo is and will continue to be effective in that segment.

Selling imprinted TEES (for example) a business which has been ongoing for over half a century, doesn't require that type of style.

So, having a CLUE, my questions begin with WHO is the target for WHAT?

HOW will they come across your promotion? When? Where? and what RESPONSE are you seeking?

ONLY then would I attempt to address the issue of style. And then, I'd put some tests to work.

Does this help? If not, give me a little more information and I'll draw upon my 40 years of GOLF MARKET experience to give you a little more focused advice, fair enough?

Gordon Jay Alexander gjabiz

Originally Posted by BillyBee

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BillyBee

13 years ago

Great answer, Gordon, thanks. Makes a lot of sense.

On your segment of the golf market. Who exactly is receiving your letter? Where will they read it? Is it an online presentation? Is it a direct mail piece? When will it be mailed?

give me a little more information and I'll draw upon my 40 years of GOLF MARKET experience to give you a little more focused advice, fair enough?

This is an online presentation. Traffic in the beginning will mostly be driven by video. I also plan on driving traffic with some joint ventures because the product is complementary to nearly every other golf information product yet takes an approach that no one else is using. In other words, it's completely unique.

I would think the nature of the product would appeal more to middle aged and older golfers. Also more male than female.

Thanks again and let me know if you have any more insights.

Thanks
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gjabiz

13 years ago

Can I assume it is a product for golf improvement?

See, the improvement market is the biggest and most gone after. The ONE thing that works, at least to get attention, and has worked since the 1950s is the promise of longer drives.

Distance.
Power.

Macho stuff. I've had many students who will pay for an extra 15 yards before they would accept 10 strokes off their handicap.

Appeal to their ego. Their disire to be The MAN off the tee. Most guys would rather have a 300 yard drive than to shoot par golf. One reason I prefer to work with women...ha.

I think you'll find almost all of Carlton's headlines promise POWER/DISTANCE first and accuracy second and lower scores are not that important.

Golfers for the most part would rather BUY an extra 12 yards via equipment, information, technique than to put in the work that will lower their overall handicap.

So make your appeal to Quick. Easy. Simple. Effortless. Cheap.

Golfers are like squirrels, they'll pick up anything that looks like a nut, which is why every golfer has bookshelves full of books, closets full of gadgets, more clubs than they need...because the quest for INSTANT distance, and instant WINS, without putting in the time on the practice range...is still a powerful motivator which makes them reach for their credit cards.

By the way. In case your client wants a backend, I'm revising some of my golf products which have been successfully sold for decades, shoot me an email via gjabiz@yahoo.com and we'll have a discussion.

Keep easy, simple, quick and easy above the fold and you'll probably get read...and promise mammoth drives which make John Daily look like a little old woman on her last legs...and you'll probably make sales too.

gjabiz

Originally Posted by BillyBee

Great answer, Gordon, thanks. Makes a lot of sense.

This is an online presentation. Traffic in the beginning will mostly be driven by video. I also plan on driving traffic with some joint ventures because the product is complementary to nearly every other golf information product yet takes an approach that no one else is using. In other words, it's completely unique.

I would think the nature of the product would appeal more to middle aged and older golfers. Also more male than female.

Thanks again and let me know if you have any more insights.

Thanks
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BillyBee 13 years ago

That's an immense help, thanks, gjabiz.

All of the points you made validate what I've been seeing. And I guess that's one reason I wanted to check, because it seems so cliched to me that "massive" increases in power and appeals to the male ego and "easy" and "instant" fixes are the way to go.

I must be an unusual golfer, because for ME it's all about scoring. I would take SHORTER drives if it meant keeping it in the fairway, absolutely.

Thanks again. Will shoot you an email in a few minutes about the other things you mentioned.
- Thanks
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- bryan baz 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BillyBee
  
  I must be an unusual golfer, because for ME it's all about scoring. I would take SHORTER drives if it meant keeping it in the fairway, absolutely.
  
  Billy, i just stumbled across this thread on a google search, but i am looking for a golf copywriter and your thoughts thru this thread resonated with me, let me know if you are still writing and have time for another project. since i am new on the forum, i'm not allowed to post my email address, but please let me know how i might get in touch with you.
  
  cheers
  
  bryan bazilauskas
  
  Thanks
  
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- Mr. Subtle 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BillyBee
  
  I must be an unusual golfer, ... I would take SHORTER drives if it meant keeping it in the fairway, absolutely.
  
  Here's an old (full page) ad which may be considered "hypey" that is speaking right to you:
  
  My guess, after reading the long advertorial, you'd be opening your wallet and begging them to charge you $99 (for the video).
  
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  Mark Andrews Banned 13 years ago
  
  And then of course the famous one legged golfer ad which many here will be familiar with...
  
  OHP Direct - Golf Instructional - Golf School - Golf Training - Golf Teachers - Golf Tips - Lower Scores -
  
  Golf - sales copy swipe file...
  
  http://www.ohpdirect.com/product.php
  
  Best,
  
  Mark Andrews...
  
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Daniel Scott 13 years ago

Keep in mind Carlton wrote that headline some time ago.

I don't know this particular well enough to say if it's still relevant or not, but the thing to remember is every market has its own movements happening.

Approaches that are brilliant one day can flop the next.

My point is you need to be very aware of the way the market is RIGHT NOW... which is why "swiping" usually isn't enough to create a killer promotion.

-Daniel
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Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.
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What do you think of this style of copywriting for the golf market?

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