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How Would You Dudes Write This

by goindeep
12 replies
Me & a mate are writing some copy as an addon to part of some initial seo/online marketing work we did for a local recycling firm.

We have offered to write their sales copy on their fliers for them.

Basically what they are doing is this:

They are delivering one piece of paper to every home in their suburban area of business saying that they will be collecting mobile phones, laptops, computers, printers etc on a certain day and that people can help save the environment by leaving their old electronics by the door.

We have offered to write the sales copy for them at a fixed price.

I have written a lot of copy before but have not wrote this type of direct response. Essentially the goal is to have people respond by leaving their good outside for collection.

We do not believe that the make money online style of in your face writing will get people to hand over their un-used goods. We are thinking to go down the "Green" path and to maybe offer some type of prize.

Something like:

"Help save the Planet & Go In The Draw To WIN An Apple iPad"

What do ya'll think? We on the right track.

Thoughts are much appreciated and so are suggestions. Cheers.
#dudes #write
  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    "They are delivering one piece of paper to every home in their suburban area of business saying that they will be collecting mobile phones, laptops, computers, printers etc on a certain day and that people can help save the environment by leaving their old electronics by the door."

    The statement doesn't make sense. You leave the hardware by the door and it magically and instantly biodegrades? Is this statement just to make people feel good?

    How does "leaving their old electronics equipment by the door" help save the environment?

    Be specific and detailed. What do they do with the equipment? Recycle the gold and lithium and titanium? Recycle the plastic? Melt the glass?

    What do they do with the cast offs?

    - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Most people don't care about the planet.

      What's the Green Party vote in Aussie now...?

      I'm picking under 5%

      Lately there's been a big backlash against them.

      So you have to go after the masses with this offer.

      Removing their junk for FREE is what will push their response buttons.

      Tell them "Don't get ripped off by the local council for dumping your junk...we will do it for FREE!

      That will get their attention

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author goindeep
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Most people don't care about the planet.

        What's the Green Party vote in Aussie now...?

        I'm picking under 5%

        Lately there's been a big backlash against them.

        So you have to go after the masses with this offer.

        Removing their junk for FREE is what will push their response buttons.

        Tell them "Don't get ripped off by the local council for dumping your junk...we will do it for FREE!

        That will get their attention

        Best,
        Ewen
        E Junk Removal instead of "Save The Planet". Good one.
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Originally Posted by Andrei Rotariu View Post

          E Junk Removal instead of "Save The Planet". Good one.
          Nah, not even E-junk.

          Speak their language.

          E-junk sounds "green" which annoys most people.

          Stir up a bit of emotion while you at it by using the local council
          as the common enemy...most people have some sort of gripe with them.

          Stick with that headline and list what they will remove.

          Simple really.

          You've got 2.7 seconds to get their attention,
          then the same length of time to keep it.

          Goldennrod yellow with the darkest black ink works best for attention.

          Best,
          Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author jimbo13
            I'ld be surprised if people are going to leave laptops, phones and PCs outside their doors for some thieving git to take them and flog them to Nigeria.

            Practically every person in the UK has an old mobile phone in the back of a drawer for this reason.

            It would not matter what you wrote.

            Dan

            PS: I do take on board you don't live here and people may be more trusting where you live.
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    • Profile picture of the author goindeep
      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      "They are delivering one piece of paper to every home in their suburban area of business saying that they will be collecting mobile phones, laptops, computers, printers etc on a certain day and that people can help save the environment by leaving their old electronics by the door."

      The statement doesn't make sense. You leave the hardware by the door and it magically and instantly biodegrades? Is this statement just to make people feel good?

      How does "leaving their old electronics equipment by the door" help save the environment?

      Be specific and detailed. What do they do with the equipment? Recycle the gold and lithium and titanium? Recycle the plastic? Melt the glass?

      What do they do with the cast offs?

      - Rick Duris
      I was simply saying what they PLAN to do at this stage.

      I dont consult for them so i dont get involved, they simply said they where doing a mailout and I asked if i could write it. Simple.

      So youre saying i should explain what they will do with the materials after they are collected? That makes sense.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Speak to their wallets. I don't know about where you are but in many places e-waste is a bad word because some of the elements used to produce electronics are considered toxic. You could make the appeal for people to recycle now before legislation gets passed that might require fees to get rid of the stuff. That's not even a stretch.

    Where I live there are only a few times per year you can put old electronic stuff in with regular recycling. Use that as your pitch. "We'll take the burden off you."

    Your banner about helping to save the planet might be a little over the top but only a few will find it so, and if you make the point that getting rid of certain e-waste might actually cost them money in the near future it won't matter what you call it because you're helping them.

    Regardless of what anyone might think of it, the green movement isn't going away, it's only getting more momentum. There's legislation just waiting to be introduced in virtually every free country that will be forcing certain "conservation" measures on everyone. In the US it's called cap and trade.

    As the world moves closer to globalism what the individual thinks is going to matter less. Will these measures help save the planet? I doubt it but that's not the point. These measures aren't really designed to save the planet. What they are designed to do is a topic for another time.
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      I am not intimate with the overall Australian mindset regarding recycling and "save the planet" endeavors.

      However, assuming what Ewen says is accurate, maybe you can flip this strategically and either involve a local charity, not-for-profit or school.

      And/Or turn it into a contest for number of pounds of "hardware."

      Now if you turn it into a contest, this could be HUGE PR for your client. I'll tell you why.

      Let's say you play it up. The average homeowner has let's say 10 pounds of ejunk. They want to participate, so what are they going to do?

      They'll form alliances. Guaranteed. They'll consolidate their stuff for the greatest number of pounds. It will be fun to watch. And you could have a daily snapshot online of how much has been collected by alliance. Or by community, if you think a bit larger.

      But who has the greatest amount of ejunk? Businesses.

      This could be a big thing and turn into a periodic community event. Kinda like Girl Scout Cookies.

      Sounds kinda complex, but it isn't. It'll self sort naturally. Just gotta get the word out.

      But I think with this strategy, contributing to a local charity or something would be valuable.

      - Rick Duris

      PS: And if you can have each alliance specify the charity, that would be a bonus.

      PPS: This has been done before. Last year I was involved in a movement to collect old paint and unusable chemicals. It was done in a similar fashion.
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      • Profile picture of the author Ashley Gable
        Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

        I am not intimate with the overall Australian mindset regarding recycling and "save the planet" endeavors.

        However, assuming what Ewen says is accurate, maybe you can flip this strategically and either involve a local charity, not-for-profit or school.

        And/Or turn it into a contest for number of pounds of "hardware."

        Now if you turn it into a contest, this could be HUGE PR for your client. I'll tell you why.

        Let's say you play it up. The average homeowner has let's say 10 pounds of ejunk. They want to participate, so what are they going to do?

        They'll form alliances. Guaranteed. They'll consolidate their stuff for the greatest number of pounds. It will be fun to watch. And you could have a daily snapshot online of how much has been collected by alliance. Or by community, if you think a bit larger.

        But who has the greatest amount of ejunk? Businesses.

        This could be a big thing and turn into a periodic community event. Kinda like Girl Scout Cookies.

        Sounds kinda complex, but it isn't. It'll self sort naturally. Just gotta get the word out.

        But I think with this strategy, contributing to a local charity or something would be valuable.

        - Rick Duris

        PS: And if you can have each alliance specify the charity, that would be a bonus.

        PPS: This has been done before. Last year I was involved in a movement to collect old paint and unusable chemicals. It was done in a similar fashion.
        I think this is a great idea.

        It will practically force people to spread the message, in order to get more junk to increase their odds.

        But I also think the "avoiding fees" angle is good.
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        • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
          I think the "fee" element is vitally important - but in a different way.

          Here in the UK (and I guess in other countries - forgive me if this doesn't happen in australia) there are many companies who will buy your "old" mobile phone. The advertise all over the TV.

          Chances are this will extend to computers, printers, fax machines etc.

          So, if your friends are doing this commercially, and there is no harm if they are.

          But it would be an excellent marketing idea to mention that a % of their profits goes to good causes.

          People get a triple benefit, their stuff removed for free, and that "warm" feeling that they are helping local charities. And saving all the hassle in organizing and getting a possibly "low price" from a "we buy your old electronic equipment" companies - assuming they do exist down under).
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  • Profile picture of the author LaunchBrain.com
    With this sort of stuff, I like to go with shocking statistics. I've never found a "help the word" headline that works out well, it just isn't believable for most people they think they can't change the world. Non starter from the beginning.

    Instead, I like to go with good use of information, e.g. In the time it's take you to read this 3 amo-lepards have already been shot and gutted. How many times do you need to read this before donating $3 per month?

    -- different market but you get the idea.

    The second approach, is to make it an event and make people part of it.

    "Make History With Us As We Raise 1,000,0000 dollars in 1 hour"

    Some approaches to consider...
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