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Looking for someone to critique my new site

by michaelv03
10 replies
Hi

Just uploaded my new sales page (no email capture yet).

I would appreciate any constructive criticism greatly!

It's Learn to speak with a British accent FAST!

Michael
#critique #site
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Hi Michael,

    You have the basis of a good sales letter there.

    I didn't listen to the video, just quickly glanced over the text.

    Here's my recommendations

    Start with a subhead telling who this is for, or alternatively give out your biggest claim
    to fame

    Would like to see how many days the buyer needs to achieve in the headline

    The opening 3 questions are weak because they invite a possible no.

    Move the product picture lower after you have introduced the benefits and
    secrets of the movie moguls and their actors

    Bring the secrets of them to the fore

    Intensify desire with bullet points which give teasers to what's waiting for them.

    Plus there are 2 ways to improve the area around the order button which typically get a 25% bump in sales.

    It's got good bones, just need to add the curves and hot pants!

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
      Hi, thanks so much for taking the time to give me those tips! You mentioned 2 ways to chnage the order button area to increase sales by 25%. Could you explain which ones they are? Thanks.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Originally Posted by michaelv03 View Post

        Hi, thanks so much for taking the time to give me those tips! You mentioned 2 ways to chnage the order button area to increase sales by 25%. Could you explain which ones they are? Thanks.
        Hi Michael,

        Handing over a boost in sales of 25% [typical, but not always] is too powerful to be handed over as a freebie.

        It's handed over in my paid service.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author reygcalantaol
    You front page is good looking, but It seems the style and layout is very common. lot of site looks the same as yours.
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    • Profile picture of the author Emarketing Excellence
      Originally Posted by reygcalantaol View Post

      You front page is good looking, but It seems the style and layout is very common. lot of site looks the same as yours.
      I don't see any problem with the front page as most of the sales pages have similar design. I don't find problem with design and layout honestly. However, I wanted to learn British Accent, but I don't find attractiveness on red colour font to go ahead. It was too much for my eyes that I scrolled down. It is good Union Jack Colour Combination and I like it. Try to reduce the font size or change the colour to blue from red so that it feels easy on eyes. Rest looking great to me.

      Lawrence
      Signature
      We're Getting Page 1 Rankings For All Of Our Clients. Our Own Lead Generation Sites Are Generating Over 100 Leads Per Day. We Get Results. BUT We're NOT Cheap! Do YOU Want To Hire Us? SEO Company
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Amazing! You would think that a sales letter upon this subject would at least be written in British English. Trouble is, it's as far removed from it as it's almost possible to go.

        Very weird.

        Isn't it a bit of a contradiction in terms stating that it's possible to speak in a fully fledged British accent from just 13 minutes per day, yet the sales copy doesn't even achieve the same standard?

        And come on... 13 minutes a day to learn to speak the Queen's English - you're having a laugh. It's completely unrealistic. Not a bats chance in hell. No way.

        The way this is pitched cheapens your business. This isn't the right angle to market yourself as a British speaking dialect coach.
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        • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
          Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post

          Amazing! You would think that a sales letter upon this subject would at least be written in British English. Trouble is, it's as far removed from it as it's almost possible to go.

          Very weird.

          Isn't it a bit of a contradiction in terms stating that it's possible to speak in a fully fledged British accent from just 13 minutes per day, yet the sales copy doesn't even achieve the same standard?

          And come on... 13 minutes a day to learn to speak the Queen's English - you're having a laugh. It's completely unrealistic. Not a bats chance in hell. No way.

          The way this is pitched cheapens your business. This isn't the right angle to market yourself as a British speaking dialect coach.
          Hi Pete,

          Thanks so much for your critique. I wanted to say a couple of things about the points you have raised here. First off, the main market for this product is the USA itself, although it was edited by a US editor, the copy is in British English. Could you point out a couple of examples of words/ spellings that made you think otherwise please (excluding programme/program and punctuation/ hyphenation rules). The point of the matter is, as you know, in marketing we do things for the buyer not for the sake of the writer's opinion or even for the sake of correctness. Take the expression 'British accent' for example. The correct term should be 'Standard British Accent', which is the accent typically found in the South East of the UK. However, people/ buyers are looking for the 'British accent' because that is what this accent is known as...nevermind that there is no such term (at least officially).
          You give the buyer what he/ she wants to hear/ to buy. The copy is written for Americans. The vast majority of Americans have absolutely no idea whatsoever what British spelling looks like....and why should they? In fact, the spelling on the page should probably be more American than British, if anything. The 'cater to your main market' principle was applied for this reason.

          The 13 minute claim is not at all exaggerated. It says '13 minutes a day', it does not say anything like '13 minutes a day' for 3 days for example. You could write 'an hour a day' but again, this could go on for an unspecified period of time. If you think it is unrealistic, I must point out, that many actors typically only work on any accent a few hours and achieve amazing results- wether it's the British accent or any other. If they work on it for longer than a few hours, the result is often perfection of the accent. The same rule applies to anyone willing to put in the effort, not just actors.
          The reason it says '13 minutes' a day (it could just as easily say '15' or '39' etc), is that it shows that you do not have to spend hours every day working on it as 'a little every day is much better than a lot once a week'. That rule works for just about everything, it's a tried and tested teaching concept.

          The author has many years experience doing just that with exactly the results described on the page.

          Anyway, don't get me wrong, I very much appreciate that you took the time to critique the page and all your tips will be taken into consideration!

          Thanks, Pete!
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  • Profile picture of the author itsme1234
    Everything is fine in your website but the concept is catchy not realistic..
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  • Profile picture of the author MissLizzie
    I've got to agree with Pete, I'm afraid, Michael.

    For me, your copy jars as you refer to a British accent - yet, RP isn't really spoken at all outside England. The Welsh and Scots have their own accents and dialects that are very, very different. What's more, for a small country, the UK has a huge number of regional accents to the extent that I would go as far as saying that there's no such thing as a typical "British" accent.

    And honestly? Most people in the South East don't speak RP - if you're interested, watch The Only Way is Essex on Youtube, or a Guy Ritchie film for Cockney-Mockney accents.

    Personally, I'd change your copy, so you remove most of the references to British accent. Instead, you can talk about learning to speak like Prince William, and use the word accent in a more generic and general sense - I appreciate you've used the term British accent for SEO purposes, but it is misleading and unhelpful. Indeed, I needed to listen to the guy in the sales video to actually get a grip on the fact that you were teaching people to speak RP.
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    • Profile picture of the author michaelv03
      Originally Posted by MissLizzie View Post

      I've got to agree with Pete, I'm afraid, Michael.

      For me, your copy jars as you refer to a British accent - yet, RP isn't really spoken at all outside England. The Welsh and Scots have their own accents and dialects that are very, very different. What's more, for a small country, the UK has a huge number of regional accents to the extent that I would go as far as saying that there's no such thing as a typical "British" accent.

      And honestly? Most people in the South East don't speak RP - if you're interested, watch The Only Way is Essex on Youtube, or a Guy Ritchie film for Cockney-Mockney accents.

      Personally, I'd change your copy, so you remove most of the references to British accent. Instead, you can talk about learning to speak like Prince William, and use the word accent in a more generic and general sense - I appreciate you've used the term British accent for SEO purposes, but it is misleading and unhelpful. Indeed, I needed to listen to the guy in the sales video to actually get a grip on the fact that you were teaching people to speak RP.
      Hi Lizzie,

      Thanks for your critique. The course does not actually teach RP. It teaches what most people outside of the UK call 'the British accent' (and yes, the term is not quite correct, but this is what people know it as). Most of the buyers are looking to learn the 'general' English accent that is spoken in the South East (which is a mix of Estuary/ some Cockney and some, albeit very little RP). This is the accent they have heard on TV, in movies etc. This is what they call 'British accent'.
      Many buyers are also looking to simply learn British English pronunciation as opposed to American pronunciation. These are the two main options of pronunciation that English language learners have. A lot opt for the British way and this course helps them work on it.
      The course caters for these two groups: people wanting to learn the 'British accent' for 'fun' and those that wish to change/ improve their pronunciation and make it much more clear (a hallmark of the 'British accent').

      Again, thanks so much for your critique, Lizzie :-)
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