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Critique Converting Salespage

by Vortex Creator
7 replies
Hey there

This request is not uniquely related to copywriting but the salesflow in general. I'm looking for some suggestions for VortexCreators.

Several sales are happening every day with 100-200 unique visitors. But there is no lead capturing so there is also a lot of waste happening.

Should we make the main page a lead capture page that leads to the salespage or collect leads on the salespage with something like popupdomination?

And then of course the copywriting. Is it compelling? Too generic? Would adding an instruction for entering their credit card information on the next page help them stepping into the unknown? Because the people who make it there convert very well.

Oh, and we don't have an upsell yet which is again wasted potential. Hmm...any ideas there?

Thanks for your expertise. Any constructive advice is much appreciated.

Philipp
#converting #critique #salespage
  • Profile picture of the author Anthony Phillips
    When I land on your page I feel as if there should be a video that starts playing with someone passionately speaking about how the vortex can change you life..

    The copywriting is good, however due to the nature of what you're selling I half expected to see the first chapter or first few paragraphs of the product someone on the page if you catch my flow. I don't think anyone wants to "enter the vortex" without knowing what it's about.

    I hope that helps!

    Anthony
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      What's in it for me if I offer you a critique Phill?
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  • Profile picture of the author Cam Connor
    Hey Phill,

    The whole page looks over-hyped, and lacks credibility. More "standing-out" testimonials higher on the page... The header is huge and serves no purpose... The picture with the drawing on it that looks like it was done by a 5-year old looks cheesy and further damages your credibility.

    Put the testimonials in text-boxes that stand out more, and stop highlighting everything... if you don't use your highlighter in moderation, again, cheesy and lack credibility, which is the main issue you're running into on your page. The copy itself is mediocre, but overall, the thing lacks professionalism, making it look "shady"... and that's what will kill your sales more than anything because people aren't afraid of losing $20, they're afraid of what getting ripped of will do to their ego. It will make them feel stupid.

    Overall, the page is a mess, I would get a re-write or at the very least a paid critique, but it's up to you.


    P.S: You give away the price... above the fold? Way too soon
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Ceskavich
    This is one of the rare salespages on WF I don't immediately scan right over.

    You had me full out reading until this part:

    Our offer basically speaks to every human being who somehow still has a connection to their soul & wants to increase their ability to communicate with that incredible intelligence within. You're one of them; otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first place.

    I skipped the rest of the page. Think about announcing the product way later.

    Also - maybe your images shouldn't be clickable.

    Those are my tips. Hopefully they help you :-)

    - Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author Elle Davies
    I actually really like the layout of the page, it's engaging and I wanted to read on. However you have made a small common mistake (IMO) and that is the use of the word 'Literally!'.

    So many people use this word wrongly. In the context of your copy it refers to seeing the 'potentials of your future with new eyes'. Unless you're handing out new eyeballs, I'd get rid of the 'Literally!' part.

    I know I've been a bit sarcastic here, but I genuinely hope this helps!
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  • Profile picture of the author Lucas Adamski
    I actually really liked this sales copy, great graphics that makes you more engages in the copy. I would definitely change the headline, make it bigger and show some benefits as right now is not telling me anything
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  • Profile picture of the author Ansar Pasha
    Banned
    Like Cam said, your page seems way too hyped up for this niche... I've done a few letters for the "law of attraction" and "astral projection"... the type of people who are interested in this stuff are probably turned off by the approach you used (although it is a nice design).

    There are a few easy things that could help you, like a better headline and breaking up the copy.

    You might also experiment with using stats and figures from scientific journals related to quantum mechanics (although the people interested in this type of product are usually already convinced in "metaphysical" which is typically regarded as pseudoscience). You might be able to shake a few more people off the fence with a few verifiable notes.

    I only scanned your page, but you had already lost me at the headline - be more specific! I have no idea what the "vortex" is yet, and "living life to the fullest" is a vague claim...

    Anyway, it's a great looking page with great copy that needs a few tweaks... easy fix

    Ansar
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