Sales Page Reivew - Feedback Please!

Why update?

If they can't do it through stick figures, photos of teenage models, what on earth makes anyone think your solution actually produces results?

Why can't any photog crack open a magazine and point?

And where are the testimonials?

Stop testing with machines and start testing how the product works with customers.

Think about it, this phrase is absolutely meaningless. Either the browser displays the site or it doen't. If the browser displays it, saying it was tested is a waste. If the browser doesn't display it, the unseen verbiage explaining it was tested is a waste.

And if you were trying to communicate it as a feature of the product, you failed. Translate it into a benefit and put it in the body copy. Bullet points would be ideal...

... There are three types of models, each with a different posing problem. We tell you which is which, and the right technique to get the pose you want out of the model you're working with.

It seems like the product is the exact same thing photogaphers have tried that didn't work. You need to communicate why that's not true, because the advantage of your offer is unclear. I see no benefit here.

You have photos of the end result (the desired pose) by top photographers. You do not say you researched and discovered the secrets the pros use to achieve this end result.

You don't even hint you've been inside a pro studio in your life.

For example, if I show you the end result of a auto body collision repair, I haven't shown you my work. You, the viewer, don't even know if I shot a car in perfect condition and did no work at all, now do you?

Use split screen Pose Before / Pose After. This proves your product does what you say.

Based upon what you have written, I can not imagine what within the product solves this problem. Certainly I do not believe you understand what causes the problem.

I'll try not to be so harsh ;-)

A couple of questions I would be need in order to properly help critique the piece:
How are visitors getting to it? One of the most important things is to make sure their "search term" is the first thing they see so they know they are in the right place. You only have about 6 to 9 seconds to grab them and keep them in.

I don't get the feeling that each sentence pulls me to the next. The purpose of the headline is to get me to read the first sentence. The first sentence should get me to read the second sentence, and so forth, until your first close attempt.

There isn't really a close attempt. You tell me a few things and then drop me to the part to order. I agree with John_S. Testimonials would help. A free sample would be great, too. You should give away the model releases and a free sample pose to get people onto an aweber mailing list.

Don't highlight the first batch of text. It's the first thing I'm going to look at anyway, so do you really need that extra "ugly" to bring it to my attention? Frank Kerns tells you the right way to do this sort of thing. You want to make sure that the highlighted parts are important for the individuals who are going to skim. If I skim through your highlighted parts I get:
"Atten*tion Pho*tog*ra*phers… Do you get frus*trated show ing your model how to hit the right pose dur*ing your Glam*our Photo Shoots? Have you tried using using model pos*ing cards with stick fig*ures or teenage mod*els with*out any suc*cess? Glam*our Pos*ing Guide improve your abil*ity to repro*duce top model poses pos*ing ideas Maxim, Stuff, FHM Victoria’s Secret, Bebe, DKNY hard*est pic*tures pose the female body Paypal.com Ejunkie.com 5 minute or less safe and secure."

Do you think that, as your target customer, that I care about most of the words in there? You might want to revise your copy to have a stream of highlighted/bold words that read:
shooting good poses can be difficult... models don't always get it... but it's easy to teach good posing... this guide has the answers... beautiful composition, every time!... the secrets the pro's use... techniques used by Bebe, DKNY, Stuff, etc.

That's all I got for now. My wife is calling me for lunch.

Make sure to send me a private message with revisions!