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Critiques wanted

by Tedel
7 replies
Hello experts,

I mentioned before I am trying to learn copywriting, so I created a few ads. I'm going to start with online classifieds to test.

Could you please give me your opinion about these ones? and if you don't mind why do you suggest the changes you suggest? You will help me learn a lot if you do.

Thanking you...

#1
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#2
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#copywriting advice #critiques #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author kellyburdes
    There are a lot of points to be improved on this, but I have to go pick up my daughter so I've not got time right now to go into it.

    I'm sure other's may offer some tips and feedback, but I'll give you this one for now just in case I forget to make my way back to this thread:

    You are not writing the way people speak.

    Make it more like a conversation, something you'd walk up to a person on the street and say.
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    • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
      Get a copy of Melvin Powers' book, Making Money with Classfied Ads, and Richard Bayan's Words That Sell, to help write your online ads.

      These books will really help you with your copy.
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Let me ask you a question: Do you think the offers are irresistible?

        Why or why not?

        Personally, I don't.

        For $14, I'm getting an SEO tip and "deep advice" on how to improve my presence online. Is that correct?

        Seems pretty general and over-priced if you ask me.

        And I agree with Kelly, the phrasing is extremely awkward.

        - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author Arock
    #1 is grammatically...not so good. It just does not sound very professional.
    #2 the same.

    I would say work on your grammar skills.

    You are too long winded, even for these small ads. Try to be more on-point.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
    Sorry, these are not good.

    Get a couple magazines with lots of classified ads. Try and find some recent issues of The Globe, National Enquirer, for instance.

    Go through the classifieds and small display ads....study the way the ads read, note how short and 'punchy' they are....and how most of the good ones will make a big promise, and offer a great value.
    Pay extra attention to the ones that are repeating, week after week.
    _____
    Bruce
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  • Profile picture of the author Elle Davies
    Robert D Boduch has written a really useful guide to help people with things like this ('Winning Website Sales Letters'), needless to say it may cost you some money but is an investment if you're looking to do this type of thing long term.

    Perhaps work on your grammar and give more to your potential customers for less money!
    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Tedel
    OK, this is just my first try in this forum, so I appreciate your feedback. I'll try again with some other texts in a few days, OK?
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    Author of Heptagrama. PM for my SEO service offer.
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