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My first copywritting attempt - Ebay

by Adam Smith
3 replies
Hi all. Im selling my iPhone on ebay and while writing the sales description I found I quite enjoyed trying to sell it via words.

Could you all have a quick look at it and let me know if its any good?

iPhone 4 32GB. Unlocked Pay-As-You-Go. Brand New Condition.
Today I am selling my 32gb iPhone 4 which is Unlocked to any nework and is in new condition.

The phone has only been out of the box a few times, and when it's been out it has had a case and screen protector on it.

It was bought for me as a gift and it is Pay as you go. As it is a gift and I already have a phone I am selling it so I can go on a holiday this summer.

The phone comes with the original box, all the original wires including the wall charger and USB cable and also the Pay As You Go sim card - as I have no given anyone my number. It also comes with the screen protecter and jelly case.

I have uploaded photos of the front and back of the phone, and as you can see there are no marks on the phone anywhere. This phone is in new condition and could easily pass for being brand new.

I will NOT sell to anyone outside of the UK.

If you have any questions please dont hesitate to contact me via the Ebay Messaging system at the bottom of this page.

The phone will be shipped recorded delivery as soon as the money has cleared from my PayPal account - usually 3 days. So you can expect this phone to arrive around 4 days from the end of the auction.

Happy bidding and good luck!
#attempt #copywritting #ebay
  • Profile picture of the author Arock
    Hey Bestiphone:

    I think that it is pretty good for Ebay. I would change some of the following sentences as follows:

    "The phone has only been out of the box a few times, and when it's been out it has had a case and screen protector on it." to "The phone has only been out of the case a few times." The rest is superfluous.

    "As it is a gift and I already have a phone I am selling it so I can go on a holiday this summer." Remove this. They don't really need to know why. Or simply state "I'm selling this phone because I do not need two phones..."

    "...and also the Pay As You Go sim card..." Remove the "also"

    "I have uploaded photos of the front and back of the phone, and as you can see there are no marks on the phone anywhere. This phone is in new condition and could easily pass for being brand new." Edit to: "Please check out the photos of the front and back of the phone. As you can see, there are no marks or scuffs. The phone is in like-new condition. It could easily be mistaken for a new phone."

    Just a couple little suggestions.

    Lutzi
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  • Profile picture of the author Enis
    For ebay, you don't need much but to specify it enough and be honest. It looks good, just provide some pics out there and you'll have no problems selling it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Arock
      Originally Posted by Enis View Post

      For ebay, you don't need much but to specify it enough and be honest. It looks good, just provide some pics out there and you'll have no problems selling it.
      While I agree with you Enis, Ebay is still a very competitive marketplace for items such as the iPhone. Any edge is great. Plus lots and lots of keywords.
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