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My first real copywriting attempt

by AmandaT
10 replies
I'm writing my first piece of copy for someone other than myself and was hoping to get some ideas for improvement.

This is the test thread where I posted what I came up with:

http://www.warriorforum.com/test-for...ml#post4456264

I will still be adding custom bullets to the bulleted points up top, I am in the middle of making the graphic since there is the image limit in WSOs.

This is the original thread that I am to be improving upon.

http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...most-free.html

Any help would be greatly appreciated since I am just starting out with copywriting.
#attempt #copywriting #real
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Hi Amanda,

    Let the reader know what a big difference having photo of a nice woman
    makes to response.

    Here's one test result Guess The Winners - J.C. Manheimer & Co., Ltd. | Training a new generation of direct marketers -- one test cell at a time.

    Legendary Gary Halbert has given a case study of if what a difference it makes too...even
    for non related products and services.

    Just go dig it up at the garyhalbertletter.com.

    Now you've got reasons why using images is important to the reader.

    Best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author ASCW
      Overall a solid ad. Nothing too fancy or ingenious. Just solid pieces of advertisement that do that job they are supposed to do.

      I would follow Ewen's advice. And stress the direct connection between your product and the power of their advertisement/E-book.

      And now for my advice, and a word of caution.

      The thread title I do not think is strong enough. Treat it like a headline - brainstorm about 50 of them. And look over good headline swipe files.

      Because it is weak - and surely you can come up with better, if you put a little more work into it.

      A stronger thread title will make the ad much more profitable.

      Best of luck to you.

      -Andy
      Signature

      Site being revamped.

      If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

      Cool.

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  • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
    Hi,

    ewenmack had a great point about adding that Gary Halbert case study. It gives you that "Proof" factor to your copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author AmandaT
    I'll look into that case study, thank you for pointing it out.

    As for the thread title, I'm having trouble coming up with a good one that isn't too long.

    I have things like:

    Make your sales page POP and your ebook covers SIZZLE with these SEXY stock photos!
    Own the largest collection of professional stock photos on WF for an unbelievable price! (I checked, the only other WSO selling stock photos that has more is a profile picture collection.)
    Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author Rose Anderson
    SEXY stock photos will make your content SIZZLE (?)

    I'm still learning copywriting so don't trust me. I was just curious if starting with the word sexy is better than having it at the end.
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  • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
    Don't worry about your headline being too long. As long as it's hitting your prospects 'soft spots' and is crafted around their interest you should be fine. I've seen John Carlton use 20 word headlines with a sub-head of about a paragraph long.

    If you'd like to swipe some of his stuff, you can go to OHP Direct. Just search em' and click "Products" and BOOM! you have plenty of ads to 'swipe' from. The majority of them were crafted by John Carlton.

    Best Regards,
    Tony
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  • Profile picture of the author AmandaT
    Thanks for the suggestions! Hopefully this is more successful than what he had up in the thread to start.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author asiancasanova
      Your copy is SEXY!

      Signature
      $1k a day?
      Click here
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Amanda,

        Gotcha a money grabbing headline...and thread starter...

        ----------------------------------
        650 "Sex Sells" Images Grab Money
        ----------------------------------

        Short and to the point with mental imagery...

        PLUS

        it follows a proven to work newspaper headline formula.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author Dexx
    Hey Amanda, this is a more of a "side comment," but you might want to shrink down the size of your images so that it's more of a "teaser" and a lot less usable.

    As it stands right now, if I was interested in using your images in a header of a wordpress site (or even some blog posts), they are still a very usable size.

    Food for thought as it could hamper potential sales!

    ~Dexx
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