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Please... any review is really appreciate

by atisha
8 replies
Hi Guys,

in a couple of week i'll put my site on clickbank...
but, before i make this... any reviews would be helpful to improve it:p

you can se it in my signature

Thanks in advance



Roberto
#review
  • Profile picture of the author AnarchyAds
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author atisha
      Thank you very much for your suggestions:


      Your product will be denied for not having a real email address on your order page. Also ensure there is one on your download page and be sure to check twice daily after you submit the product to clickbank for approval.
      Oh yes... i'll insert it

      I would suggest an autoplay video pulled from youtube at the top
      starting with a few sparring scenes ( 5 second smash cuts ) that
      are impressive. Then YOU inviting the viewer to read more AND get
      your free mini-course if they want results like that.
      If you have certs ( black belt ) or wins in competitions, state that
      when you introduce yourself. The video can be a simple as you
      smashing watermelons, as long as they EXPLODE apart. Fill with
      pressurized air if you want to & cap it for explossive power.
      oh yes.. I'll follow the suggestions adapting that to my program

      Might also be a good idea to shorten your page to:

      Headline:
      Learn how to strike a target with maxmimum HorsePower
      in eleven different ways - in less than 60 days,
      even if you are a complete beginner!


      I think my Headline isn't pulling enough.. and this is better, even if i don't know if I shorten my page..

      Video: Directs to more FREE videos on the next page

      Opt-in: ... you get their email before they read more on the next page


      Really smart: Name it HORSEPOWER PUNCHING or something.
      Roberto
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      • Profile picture of the author theshkay89
        the area of your site above the fold is the most valuable real estate in your website,so make full use of it...

        remove the links to other pages from the top of your site..put them at the bottom and discreetly..

        your pre headline and main headline isnt really strong enough.i like the idea of fighting without thinking,its just instinct,you should have developed it as a usp..meaning after learning this,you can just instinctively hit your assailants one shot one kill without having to think about it..

        as opposed to the thousand different horse stance and techniques that will get you killed in the street..

        seriously alot of changes are needed to bring it to its fullest potential.PM me if you need more info..
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        • Profile picture of the author atisha
          Originally Posted by theshkay89 View Post

          the area of your site above the fold is the most valuable real estate in your website,so make full use of it...

          remove the links to other pages from the top of your site..put them at the bottom and discreetly..

          your pre headline and main headline isnt really strong enough.i like the idea of fighting without thinking,its just instinct,you should have developed it as a usp..meaning after learning this,you can just instinctively hit your assailants one shot one kill without having to think about it..

          as opposed to the thousand different horse stance and techniques that will get you killed in the street..

          seriously alot of changes are needed to bring it to its fullest potential.PM me if you need more info..
          Thanks Theshkay for your suggestions,

          even if my target is not the fighting or self defense.
          there are a lot of people that want start simply to train alone with boxing bags, focus pads and similar targets who needs instructions... and try to find it on google, youtube etc.. or start to find this equipments ... :
          This is my target (and not only).

          For the links to other pages I think you're right.
          I don't like it even if thinked the site needed of it ...


          Roberto
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  • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
    Hi Roberto,
    For a headline I would use something like:
    Martial Artists-Strike like a pro in 60 days or less.
    Fighters-Hit like a top fighter (not sure if you can name a top fighter) in 60 days or less

    The copy is long winded and all the good copy is at the bottom of your page.

    I would remove all the text up to "The Program" graphic, and start with a bulleted list something like this:

    Discover your true potential to strike like a pro
    Learn how to bypass any blocks used against you
    Learn how to use momentum to speed up your striking power
    Discover the little known exercises that drastically improve your striking power/ability
    How to use Body flexibility to increase your striking power
    Be "guided" by the heart-instinctive reaction techniques
    Discover the 3 characteristics of an explosive punch
    discover 10 BIG MISTAKES of Traditional Martial Arts training methods
    Increase stability, power and speed with "Balancing Exercises
    Develop abs of steel and a confident "I CAN DO" mindset
    Power Striking (or main headline name) videos present relaxing and instinctive learning
    Dramatically increase the power of your strikes
    Increase your repertoire of strikes
    Learn how to STRIKE THROUGH any target

    Then I would put a short sample video, or
    some of the graphics starting with this one:
    92 video clips that will increase your striking power; videos that "take you by the hand" and guide you in learning all the techniques of the course, (more than 1 hour of film)
    and then a sample video

    Copy:
    Keep your copy short and to the point; just like the techniques you are teaching.

    Most people will not understand the terms you are using, i.e Instinctive Target Training, Understand how to integrate any "blocks, Discover the 3 characteristics of all the percussive techniques.
    Write as if you are teaching a white belt.

    Paint the picture; more about what the final outcome will be and less of what the science is for the techniques.

    Something like:
    Just imagine walking down the street, a thug jumps out of a doorway and WHAM! he reels back and then runs away. You have just used the techniques from Power Striking.

    You climb into the ring, the ref says, "Fight", your opponent advances towards you and POW! he is lying on his back; You have just used the techniques from Power Striking.

    Just imagine the "pop" as you hit your opponent, he reels back and thinks, "What just hit me?"

    Hit your opponent with the force of a speeding bullet/train/ top fighter etc.

    If you could make a video of practical uses for your techniques that would certainly get a sale from me.

    Paint the picture of how it feels to already have that powerful striking force.
    With Martial Arts students it's more about how they imagine they will be after training, or how they will be able to defend themselves.

    I am using what comes to mind here as I do not know your market, or keywords are.

    the header graphic is good, but the wording does not tell me anything about your product; MAYBE:
    Martial Artists Target Training
    Martial Artists Power Striking
    Power Striking For Fighters/Street Fighters (again focus on your market keywords)

    I am not sure what your keywords are, but I could not see a page title, or any keywords on your page source?

    Also, are you focusing your market on a particular Martial Art style, or just general Martial Artists techniques; have you defined your market?

    I would break the copy down into some bulleted points for easy reading:

    Rapidly increase the STRENGTH, SPEED and PRECISION of your strikes
    Achieve greater striking power
    Gain confidence and be relaxed during a confrontation
    Learn Effortless and instinctive striking techniques

    or a more aggressive approach
    Put that bully on his back with confidence and ease
    Walk down the street with confidence, knowing you can handle any bully that comes along

    Hope this helps
    P.S could you return the favor and take a quick look at my site copy:
    I'm Back-How are people marketing their own products? and Website and copy review

    Paul in Calgary
    The Child Development Guy.
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    • Profile picture of the author atisha
      Thank you Paul,
      Expecially for the terms you suggested me.. ( I'm not English, my letter was translated from italian)

      As I said to Theshkay, my target is not specific "self defense" or "fighting", but people who want to train alone with specific equipment and needed instructions... (I'll suggest my product to martial arts and fitness stores for joint ventures).

      For the short letter I don't know if it is better, but I've some squeeze pages for affiliates and i'll taste that...

      I gave a look to your site. For me is very difficult give to you a review (my english is very poor), but tomorrow in the morning (for me) i'll try to do my best... (you will find some mistakes )

      Roberto

      Originally Posted by paulmackie View Post

      Hi Roberto,
      For a headline I would use something like:
      Martial Artists-Strike like a pro in 60 days or less.
      Fighters-Hit like a top fighter (not sure if you can name a top fighter) in 60 days or less

      The copy is long winded and all the good copy is at the bottom of your page.

      I would remove all the text up to "The Program" graphic, and start with a bulleted list something like this:

      Discover your true potential to strike like a pro
      Learn how to bypass any blocks used against you
      Learn how to use momentum to speed up your striking power
      Discover the little known exercises that drastically improve your striking power/ability
      How to use Body flexibility to increase your striking power
      Be "guided" by the heart-instinctive reaction techniques
      Discover the 3 characteristics of an explosive punch
      discover 10 BIG MISTAKES of Traditional Martial Arts training methods
      Increase stability, power and speed with "Balancing Exercises
      Develop abs of steel and a confident "I CAN DO" mindset
      Power Striking (or main headline name) videos present relaxing and instinctive learning
      Dramatically increase the power of your strikes
      Increase your repertoire of strikes
      Learn how to STRIKE THROUGH any target

      Then I would put a short sample video, or
      some of the graphics starting with this one:
      92 video clips that will increase your striking power; videos that "take you by the hand" and guide you in learning all the techniques of the course, (more than 1 hour of film)
      and then a sample video

      Copy:
      Keep your copy short and to the point; just like the techniques you are teaching.

      Most people will not understand the terms you are using, i.e Instinctive Target Training, Understand how to integrate any "blocks, Discover the 3 characteristics of all the percussive techniques.
      Write as if you are teaching a white belt.

      Paint the picture; more about what the final outcome will be and less of what the science is for the techniques.

      Something like:
      Just imagine walking down the street, a thug jumps out of a doorway and WHAM! he reels back and then runs away. You have just used the techniques from Power Striking.

      You climb into the ring, the ref says, "Fight", your opponent advances towards you and POW! he is lying on his back; You have just used the techniques from Power Striking.

      Just imagine the "pop" as you hit your opponent, he reels back and thinks, "What just hit me?"

      Hit your opponent with the force of a speeding bullet/train/ top fighter etc.

      If you could make a video of practical uses for your techniques that would certainly get a sale from me.

      Paint the picture of how it feels to already have that powerful striking force.
      With Martial Arts students it's more about how they imagine they will be after training, or how they will be able to defend themselves.

      I am using what comes to mind here as I do not know your market, or keywords are.

      the header graphic is good, but the wording does not tell me anything about your product; MAYBE:
      Martial Artists Target Training
      Martial Artists Power Striking
      Power Striking For Fighters/Street Fighters (again focus on your market keywords)

      I am not sure what your keywords are, but I could not see a page title, or any keywords on your page source?

      Also, are you focusing your market on a particular Martial Art style, or just general Martial Artists techniques; have you defined your market?

      I would break the copy down into some bulleted points for easy reading:

      Rapidly increase the STRENGTH, SPEED and PRECISION of your strikes
      Achieve greater striking power
      Gain confidence and be relaxed during a confrontation
      Learn Effortless and instinctive striking techniques

      or a more aggressive approach
      Put that bully on his back with confidence and ease
      Walk down the street with confidence, knowing you can handle any bully that comes along

      Hope this helps
      P.S could you return the favor and take a quick look at my site copy:
      t=44529&referrerid=9109]I'm Back-How are people marketing their own products? and Website and copy review[/url]

      Paul in Calgary
      The Child Development Guy.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[412915].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author paulmackie
        Hi Roberto,
        If your market is "Training at home" then maybe you could focus on the problems that people have when working at home; possibly not having a training partner, not knowing if your strikes are effective. Show how your video solves these problems.

        Don't worry about the site review.

        Have a great day.

        Paul in Calgary
        The Child Development Guy.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[413569].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author atisha
          Originally Posted by paulmackie View Post

          Hi Roberto,
          If your market is "Training at home" then maybe you could focus on the problems that people have when working at home; possibly not having a training partner, not knowing if your strikes are effective. Show how your video solves these problems.

          Don't worry about the site review.

          Have a great day.

          Paul in Calgary
          The Child Development Guy.
          Thank you
          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[415110].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    I did not read any of the above comments, but the page is WAY too busy.

    I would remove the wallpaper style background and go with just a plain solid color instead.
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