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I suck at copywriting... [critique my warriors for hire thread]

by Dan Allard
8 replies
I have a thread in the 'Warriors for Hire' section. I created a new offer and re-wrote the copy. Would like some suggestions/feedback before I bump the thread. Any feedback will be welcomed!

Here's the thread.

Thanks!
Dan
#copywriting
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    Dan,

    With your excellent writing ability and your interest in psychology, you'd be a good copywriter. Have you ever thought about entering the profession?

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Originally Posted by Dan Allard View Post

    I have a thread in the 'Warriors for Hire' section. I created a new offer and re-wrote the copy. Would like some suggestions/feedback before I bump the thread. Any feedback will be welcomed!

    Here's the thread.

    Thanks!
    Dan
    Dan

    Post more to main forum and sig link to offer (if that's allowed??).

    I think you just need eyeballs...not new copy. Could be wrong however.

    gjabiz
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      I think it's pretty good Dan. Refreshing to see somebody (finally) who has put some effort into their sales copy and asking for a critique here.

      Personally, I would change a couple of words out here and there but that's just a personal preference and is by and by.

      Other than that, it's excellent. Concise, clear and gets straight to the point.

      Kindest regards and the very best of luck,


      Pete Walker
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  • Profile picture of the author DanielleLynnCopy
    I agree with Alex, Pete, and Gordon.

    I think your pitch and the offer are clear and well put together. Plus, you targeted one of the biggest benefits of hiring you - they get to rest while you handle the hard stuff- writing awesome content for them!

    Now, that being said, it's not a great strategy to say that you suck in places that clients can read.

    For one, I disagree - your copy does not suck. As Pete pointed out, it's better than most.

    Second, if your potential clients read this post it may affect your sales. Even though you're not offering copywriting, your headline jabs at content that doesn't convert - so pointing out you're having conversion problems here may have a negative impact there.

    Go ahead and post around useful tips and info like Gordon suggested. Check to see if it's okay to add your warrior for hire thread in your sig file, and build up your reputation as an expert in the content writing field by helping out with useful, informative posts!

    Good luck
    Danielle
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Allard
      Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy View Post

      I agree with Alex, Pete, and Gordon.

      I think your pitch and the offer are clear and well put together. Plus, you targeted one of the biggest benefits of hiring you - they get to rest while you handle the hard stuff- writing awesome content for them!

      Now, that being said, it's not a great strategy to say that you suck in places that clients can read.

      For one, I disagree - your copy does not suck. As Pete pointed out, it's better than most.

      Second, if your potential clients read this post it may affect your sales. Even though you're not offering copywriting, your headline jabs at content that doesn't convert - so pointing out you're having conversion problems here may have a negative impact there.

      Go ahead and post around useful tips and info like Gordon suggested. Check to see if it's okay to add your warrior for hire thread in your sig file, and build up your reputation as an expert in the content writing field by helping out with useful, informative posts!

      Good luck
      Danielle
      Thanks Danielle, I guess I didn't think about that! I'm confident writing most types of content but there's always been something about copywriting that scared me. Not sure where it started...maybe I heard about a bad story or something. Who knows.

      Anyways thanks again, I'll follow your advice.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
      Banned
      Originally Posted by DanielleLynnCopy View Post

      Check to see if it's okay to add your warrior for hire thread in your sig file...
      Yep it's fine.

      Dan...

      Try not to be too harsh on yourself. Seeking perfection will get you nowhere fast. Just go with the flow of where you are in the moment. The market will tell you the rest.

      Writing excellent money making sales copy is a constantly evolving process.

      Kindest regards,


      Pete
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Allard
    Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

    Dan,

    With your excellent writing ability and your interest in psychology, you'd be a good copywriter. Have you ever thought about entering the profession?

    Alex
    Thanks Alex, I am very interested in psychology but copywriting has always intimidated me. Seems like it can be very complicated. But it is something I would like to learn, and I hear it pays great!

    Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

    Dan

    Post more to main forum and sig link to offer (if that's allowed??).

    I think you just need eyeballs...not new copy. Could be wrong however.

    gjabiz
    Thanks giabiz, I'll try that.

    Originally Posted by Pete Walker View Post

    I think it's pretty good Dan. Refreshing to see somebody (finally) who has put some effort into their sales copy and asking for a critique here.

    Personally, I would change a couple of words out here and there but that's just a personal preference and is by and by.

    Other than that, it's excellent. Concise, clear and gets straight to the point.

    Kindest regards and the very best of luck,


    Pete Walker
    Thanks Pete! I'm glad you think so. I definitely put a lot of effort into it, maybe I'm a little too harsh on myself when it comes to copywriting.

    I think I'll spend some time in this forum section and learn some copywriting skills, that way I'll be more confident when it comes to this skill. Anyways thanks again guys!
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by Dan Allard View Post

      Thanks Alex, I am very interested in psychology but copywriting has always intimidated me. Seems like it can be very complicated. But it is something I would like to learn, and I hear it pays great!
      If you approach learning copywriting systematically, it becomes much easier. For example, a typical sales piece has 4 elements:
      1. Persuasion (curiosity, scarcity, instant gratification, etc)
      2. Components (headline, bullets, offer, etc)
      3. Writing (clarity, conversational, mental imagery, etc)
      4. Graphics (sub-heads, layout, photos, etc)
      When I was new, it helped me a lot to put what I was learning into one those four "slots".

      You can learn copywriting fairly inexpensively. This is what I recommend:

      1. Get Brian Keith Voiles' course, "Advertising Magic" ($17.77 on ebay). It will serve as a great foundation. Brian wrote it before the internet, so just keep that in mind.

      2. Then get Bob Serling's ebook, "Power Copywriting for the Internet" ($97). It's uses a step-by-step approach to writing compelling web copy.

      Alex
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