Squeeze page critique

by RAMarketing 12 replies
Hello brilliant minds! I need some of your expertise please. I have made 20+ squeeze pages that convert 40%+, but I can't get this one past 29%. I send at least 100 hits a day, so the 10% is a huge difference. Please let me know what you think: Free Candle Making Guide! Thanks!
#copywriting #critique #page #squeeze
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    1. The bottom third of the opt-in form is awkward. On the left side is a big white space, and on the right side is an unneeded 2nd graphic of the book.

    2. A sentence that doesn't make sense, "We will not share or rent your email - add your privacy here".

    3. A white arrow on a blue background. Red works better.

    Those things may or may not be depressing response.

    It could simply be that the sub head "Make a Candle in Less than an Hour!" isn't hitting the reader's sweet spot.

    Alex
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    • Excuse me being frank, but it's just a bit boring.

      There's no hook, nothing to make your guide stand out against any other that might be on the market. In fact, at the moment there's nothing that makes think I couldn't just do a quick internet search on 'how to make candles quickly'.

      I'd start thinking about the deeper benefits of being able to make your own candles and draw out a more emotional hook from there. Put the reader in the picture, start them thinking about making their own candles.

      Do that and I'm sure you'll see more sign-ups.
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      • Profile picture of the author RAMarketing
        Originally Posted by Glenn@AllGoodCopy View Post

        Excuse me being frank, but it's just a bit boring.

        There's no hook, nothing to make your guide stand out against any other that might be on the market. In fact, at the moment there's nothing that makes think I couldn't just do a quick internet search on 'how to make candles quickly'.

        I'd start thinking about the deeper benefits of being able to make your own candles and draw out a more emotional hook from there. Put the reader in the picture, start them thinking about making their own candles.

        Do that and I'm sure you'll see more sign-ups.
        So would the emotional hook be a sub heading and change the headline to a benefit?
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      I'd go and hunt down top selling cpa offer pages.

      See their design elements and transfer them into a traditional squeeze page.

      Next, I'd bring the romance of candlelight baths and a candlelight boudoir
      to the main stage.

      Remember, a woman is a romance lover, so get her seeing herself
      within an ambiance with her lover.

      Use a light pink background.

      Replace the book cover with a candlelit setting with her and her lover.

      Hunt down romance novels and use the language of love.

      See if you can replace the harsh edging of the sign in box with a flowery edge.

      Do these things and you've made a positive difference to her plain day.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        I'd go and hunt down top selling cpa offer pages.

        See their design elements and transfer them into a traditional squeeze page.

        Next, I'd bring the romance of candlelight baths and a candlelight boudoir
        to the main stage.

        Remember, a woman is a romance lover, so get her seeing herself
        within an ambiance with her lover.

        Use a light pink background.

        Replace the book cover with a candlelit setting with her and her lover.

        Hunt down romance novels and use the language of romance.

        See if you can replace the harsh edging of the sign in box with a flowery edge.

        Do these things and you've made a positive difference to her plain day.

        Best,
        Ewen
        Your advice about the CPA offers is GOLD. They spend way too much money to promote offers to get anything below a 30% opt-in rate.

        I would take that advice to heart and "stash" it in a folder as part a of checklist.

        Good advice Ewen.

        Best Regards,
        Copywriting Tony
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Forgot to mention, as ad people and marketers,
          we sell the outcome of what the product or service does.

          As an example...40 year old married woman with kids
          doesn't want a fast and safe weight loss product.

          She doesn't want it to be clinically proven.

          She doesn't want to know that thousands of others have used it.

          She doesn't care that it's endorsed by her favorite celebrity.

          What she cares about, is to be able to undress in front
          of her husband with the lights on.

          Remember that story.

          Best,
          Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author CopywritingTony
    Where are the bullets? Your layout is not structured properly. You have a ton of blank space and the ebook cover should be inside the optin box.

    You should also have a hook. Just fix the structure of your landing page
    along with fixing some of your copy and you should be fine.

    Best Regards,
    Copywriting Tony
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  • Profile picture of the author Lasse Borg
    Maybe a video that shows proof would work better than a bookcover with the indifferent headline: "Make a candle in less than an hour".
    Try working with red arrows and button in your opt-in form, tends to convert better instead of the facbook-colors.
    Keep things above the fold.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Banned
    Perhaps there is a demand for this, I don't know. But if you're biggest benefit is making a candle in an hour, I can't honestly see too many people finding this a great proposition. :confused:

    If somebody came up to a group of people for example with the slickest sales pitch in the world, as soon as they opened their mouth and said to the audience...

    "Hey! Would you like to make a candle in an hour?"

    I personally think you'd get some extremely odd looks.

    My kind of response would be along the lines of...

    "Whilst I'm sure there's nothing better I can do right now than to know this perfectly useless information, why would I, I mean really, why would I want to learn how to make a candle in an hour, when I can go and buy a bloody pack of the things from Tesco for £1.50?"

    And I'd raise my eyebrows up and peer at you over the top of my spectacles with a most odd inquisitive look upon my face.

    But then, I'm not your target market.

    Well, I could be because I burn candles often but nothing is going to induce me to stop whatever I'm doing at any one moment to waste an hour of my time, to make a candle, when I can simply buy a pack of them for pennies on the pound.

    This target market of yours... what is their pain or frustration?

    What strong benefit can you sock at them with your introductory main headline from which they think to themselves...

    "Blimey! That's one hec of a deal by the sounds of it, yes, I must opt in and get this instantly!"

    What is THAT headline?

    Your main headline is most important and this one? It just doesn't cut it.

    In the next hour precisely from reading this, write down 50 headlines all with a strong benefit and then post them up below (or as many as you've got) and we'll help you to choose the best one for your opt in conversion rate.

    Best,


    Pete Walker
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    • Profile picture of the author Jacob Jans
      Most commercial/industrial candles are crap. They're full of mystery ingredients. Do you know some burning some candles can actually be carcinogenic? IE: Cancer causing.

      The only way to have a PURE candle, of pure ingredients that you can trust, is to make your own. Plus, you can choose your own smells, your own shapes and sizes, your own wicks. (Do you know the secret to a good wick?)

      Candles can be the treasure that transforms an evening. BUT imagine how much more special it is to burn candles you made with your own hands. Instead of manufactured romance, you get candles made with all of the love and care you desire.

      Plus, you can give them as special gifts to your friends, family, and loved ones. And know that you're not just giving away candles, but the story of how you made them, the special ingredients you chose, the care you put into crafting each candle just the way you desire.

      AND you can have your own hand crafted candles in less than one hour. If you don't know how fun and easy it is to make your own candles, then you're missing out my friends, far more than you know.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Jacob Jans View Post

        Most commercial/industrial candles are crap. They're full of mystery ingredients. Do you know some burning some candles can actually be carcinogenic? IE: Cancer causing.

        The only way to have a PURE candle, of pure ingredients that you can trust, is to make your own. Plus, you can choose your own smells, your own shapes and sizes, your own wicks. (Do you know the secret to a good wick?)

        Candles can be the treasure that transforms an evening. BUT imagine how much more special it is to burn candles you made with your own hands. Instead of manufactured romance, you get candles made with all of the love and care you desire.

        Plus, you can give them as special gifts to your friends, family, and loved ones. And know that you're not just giving away candles, but the story of how you made them, the special ingredients you chose, the care you put into crafting each candle just the way you desire.

        AND you can have your own hand crafted candles in less than one hour. If you don't know how fun and easy it is to make your own candles, then you're missing out my friends, far more than you know.
        Sounds like Jacob might be able to give you a hand with this piece?

        Certainly looks like he knows the subject well enough and can therefore hit on those benefit points.

        Good post Jacob.

        Best,


        Pete Walker
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  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Originally Posted by RAMarketing View Post

    Hello brilliant minds! I need some of your expertise please. I have made 20+ squeeze pages that convert 40%+, but I can't get this one past 29%. I send at least 100 hits a day, so the 10% is a huge difference. Please let me know what you think: Free Candle Making Guide! Thanks!
    When you say CONVERT 40%, do you mean 4 out of 10 visitors sign up for the free ebook?

    OK, once they sign up, they get the report...like I did. I downloaded it, read it, thought it was a decent report on how to make candles. Went to your facebook page.

    I can't figure out what you are selling? Candle making kits? Or are you not selling anything?

    I visited the homepage, the blog. All nice and pretty. Are those affiliate links in the blog posts?

    So, anyhow...back to the squeeze page. It would be very easy to set up several, one right now I would consider would be a HALLOWEEN candle page...with pics of scary candles...and add a little chapter in the report on how to do them.

    I'd have a Christmas page ready, maybe emphasize how a person can MAKE a personal gift that the recipient will enjoy...will love, will keep forever.

    So the copy would be relevant to keyword searches. And of course a general page, like the one you have to get the report into people's hands.

    Give them a reason to download. Are your 100 people coming from organic SEO, what are they searching for?

    From paid ads, Google or other places? From your FaceBook?

    I advise you to match the copy to the traffic you are getting. Why are 71 people out of 100 NOT converting...the short answer is, you don't match your message to what they were expecting to see.

    As for types of copy...

    Free Candle Making Guide Shows You How to Create Beautiful Christmas Gifts Your Friends and Family will Treasure Forever.

    Make Gifts People Love. Free candle making guide shows you how to create beautiful gifts for all occassions.

    Nothing beats a personal gift, a handmade craft item...it is the stuff people cherish. You can create these types of gifts quickly, easily and with low cost...free candle guide tells how.

    Along those lines, depending, of course and as always FOR ME...depending on who the traffic is that is coming there.

    I think you have a very nice site, lots of great information...but I felt caught in a LOOP going from the free guide to the facebook site to the main page to the blog and I was looking for was SOMETHING TO BUY. Didn't find it.

    gjabiz

    PS. In 1979, long before the current candle craze, I was making custom made candles in my basement and some of them are still put out at various holidays...they became more ornamental, my friends didn't want them to melt down...today, I'd put a candle inside of the tchotchke my candles became...

    I'd prefer they use them and buy some more. NO longer in the candle biz, fyi.
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