Where am i going wrong?

by jb6418

Posted: 13 years ago 14 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi All

I have been working a site for a while and written and re-written the text for the squeeze page but I am just not getting conversions.

I would be most grateful if someone can review the squeeze and let me know any initial thoughts as I am going mildly crazy here trying to work it out

The required actions is for visitors to sign for a free ebook which builds the list to sell the other products etc.

Any thoughts would be gratefully received.

I cannot yet post links but the website is thednaof dot com

#wrong

patey88 13 years ago

I can't critique your copy but I can tell you that when viewed with 1024x768 screen resolution I can't even see your whole popup. Can't read the top of the title, for example, or see the bottom without scrolling. It's too tall.

At my site, 10% of my visitors use this resolution. If you include other resolutions that are 768 or shorter in height, especially phones which make up a lot of traffic these days, there could be 25% of your traffic or more who can't see your opt-in correctly. (I know phones adjust, but I don't have one so I don't know how well.)
- Thanks
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- jb6418 13 years ago
  
  Thanks so much for the response. The danger of using high res screens I guess.
  
  I will make some adjustments now and try running it in a VM with different res. I have tested it on iPhones and iPads and see to resize a bit better.
  
  Thanks for taking the time thought
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  jb6418 13 years ago
  
  Ok - I have made some changes now which should mean you can see it better now.
  
  Does it work for you now Patey?
  
  Thanks again
  
  James
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  patey88 13 years ago
  
  Yes, it fits now. There's a vertical scrollbar on the form, but the form itself now fits in the window.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  jb6418 13 years ago
  
  Great, thank Patey
  
  Any other ideas why I am not getting any success (ironic given the title!)?
  
  Worked my nuts off on this so keen to see some return.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  patey88 13 years ago
  
  Sorry, you need input from the copywriters. I'm just a gal who happened to notice your thread and got curious.
  
  Originally Posted by jb6418
  
  Great, thank Patey
  
  Any other ideas why I am not getting any success (ironic given the title!)?
  
  Worked my nuts off on this so keen to see some return.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  jb6418 13 years ago
  
  Well thank you for being that 'Gal'
  
  Helpful tip...
  
  So, any copywriters willing to help me?
  
  Please...
  
  Thanks
  
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Don Schenk 13 years ago

James,

On my notebook computer the resolution is set to 1366x768, and the top of the initial pop-up is just a little bit larger than the screen. It is impossible for me to find the "X" to close the pop-up and read your page. Your pop-up needs to be smaller. I can't even get to your page because of the pop-up.

What I read on the pop-up talks about what you want, "To celebrate the official launch of the DNA of Success in September, we have put together..." and "All we need is your name and email address and we will..."

People don't care about us - the owners/creators of the website. They only care about what is in it for them. Talk about them and why they need to get this free something.

My 2 cents.

:-Don
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gjabiz 13 years ago

I got the pop up first thing and signed up.

Then, I visited all the pages and everytime I came back to home page...there was that very annoying oversized pop up.

You need to learn to set it to come up ONCE, if someone signs up. Otherwise, it will chase people away.

Also, does everyone know what DNA is?

I, like the others, couldn't stay around and read the site...still have no clue what it is about.

gjabiz
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max5ty 13 years ago

Just the name alone probably drives away customers.

"The DNA Of".

Not good...won't work.

If you had millions to do "branding" advertising to get the name recognizable, you'd still be struggling to make it sound right.

I'd scrap the name and start over.

I'll leave my critique at that.
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- jb6418 13 years ago
  
  Hey Guys
  
  Thanks for the honesty and openness on this. Certainly gives me food for thought and I will immediately remove the pop over to see if that helps at all as the main page has a sign up anyway.
  
  However the most disturbing piece is that after reading it you still don't now what its about - the is great (but hard) feedback and makes me think the whole process.
  
  I guess the process of failing quicker to get to the right result, starts here!
  
  Appreciate your time.
  
  The pop over is history!
  
  James
  
  Thanks
  
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onlycube 13 years ago

[DELETED]

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- Azarna 13 years ago
  
  In Britian it is the law that all business websites have full contact details clearly visible.
  
  There are none on your Contact Us or About Us pages.
  
  And sorry, I also have to agree that the name is very hard to get a grip on, it just sounds very clumsy indeed.
  
  Plus it has NOTHING to do with DNA, heh.
  
  Thanks
  
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Raydal 13 years ago

The whole site needs to be dumbed down. It's simply too
clever in both the fancy flash banner and the language.

People don't want to have to work out what you are
trying to say but get it on the first read. If your
visitors have to decipher your message then you
wouldn't have to decipher the results.

This is a tough message because I know that
you worked hard on the page but it's one of
those sites that makes the owner feel good
but simply would not sell.

-I would get rid of the flash banner
-choose another name for the product
-be a lot more SPECIFIC about what you are selling
-what is "success"? More money, health, better relationships ..?
You have to make this clear.
-Use more ACTIVE statements instead of the passive.

For example you have:
"This little gold mine has been written to give you a head start
on the journey to success."

This should be:

"I wrote this little gold mine to give you a head start
on the journey to [success] /making more money,/ a
helathier you, /building self confidence."

-Ray Edwards
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m30jake 13 years ago

Your seriously need to improve your sites design (just saw the DNA one) its hard to read and harsh on the eyes.
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