8 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
8 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Sales Copy Review For My Product - Please - All Help Appreciated!

by Peter Burke
6 replies
Hi Guys

I have already launched a product for clickbank and it's my first. I have had some experience in copy writing but that has been in the 'offline' marketing world for investment products - so this is a bit different for me!

The sales copy/sales page is

Wordpress For Newbies

I am still waiting for a few more testimonials to come back - in fact 4 as we speak.

Comments in particular about the relevance of the sales copy, the style, the message - anything you can think of.

Even 'rubbish it' if you feel so - I can take constructive criticism really well and invite it!

What I want is to do the best I can - and sometimes others help is sought and appreciated.

I look forward to your replies


Regards


Peter
#appreciated #copy #product #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Collette
    It's not rubbish. But it is rather dull.

    The page design looks like something I've seen many times before (maybe the header?), and the copy just doesn't make much of a promise.

    What's the BIGGEST benefit the prospect is going to get from using your product? Ease? Wealth? Secret knowledge? Your copy isn't really "selling" me on the big benefit I'm going to get.

    Overall, the copy is kinda flat. It sort of just lies there and thinks of England.

    If YOU don't sound enthusiastic about your own product, how is the prospect supposed to get excited about buying it?

    Think of this as your first date with someone you are VERY attracted to. You want to make the best first impression possible. You want her to believe that good things lie ahead - but only with you. You want her to hope - desperately - at the end of the evening, that you're going to call and ask her out again. The LAST thing you want to be is dull and boring.

    Try to get yourself physically and mentally energized before you write your first draft. Play music that pumps you up, go for a run, whatever - get energized. Then throw all that energy into the letter. Don't worry about how 'wild' that first draft is. You can edit it later. Just get some energy in there.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[416112].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
    The header doesn't help you much here so I would test without it.

    I'm not suggesting this as a headline (it's really not very good), but rather as a quick example of a different TYPE of headline that draws from your own true and unique story and creates the kind of curiosity and intrigue that make readers keep reading...

    The True Story Of How I Went
    From Offline Investment Expert
    To Wordpress Wizard...
    And Why I'd Never Even
    THINK Of Going Back Now!

    Discover Precisely How & Why Mastering Wordpress
    Completely Transformed The Way I Earn A Living And
    Can Change The Way YOU Earn Yours Too!

    Obviously, I know nothing about your back story or the product, I just picked out an angle from skimming your page.

    Develop your angle or storyline throughout the copy. Pain mental pictures vivid enough for a blind man to see them.

    Find some common ground with the reader by bringing out their frustrations and aggravations...

    Wordpress is intimidating. Their "Dashboard" is more like a cockpit... of a complicated jet fighter.

    They don't know their "cpanel" from an axe handle. It's confusing...

    How do they find a good theme? How do they install it?

    What plugins are they missing the boat by not knowing about and not having on their Wordpress site?

    What's the fastest, easiest, and most effective way to get everything done with as little effort as humanly possible?

    What will their life be like after they become a Wordpress ninja like you?

    And so on...

    Hope this helps,

    Brian
    Signature
    Brian McLeod
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[416269].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author maximus242
      Your sales copy is just bad. Its all about you, your product, who you are, your company, why your doing this. What about the prospect!!!!

      Okay first off, if I dont know much about the internet or wordpress, I probably dont know what noobies means.

      The picture doesnt speak to me. Why are they dressed in business suits at laptops? Thats not who I am, I dont work in an office, I work at home, by myself. The picture confuses me.

      Same problem with the headline, its not speaking to me. Kill the picture, it sucks.

      It should be:

      "The Shocking Secrets Of An Elite Group Of Bloggers, That You Can Use To Start Making Money Online, By Blogging, In Under Four Hours"

      Dont tell me what I know, I already know it, your wasting my time. Your not elaborating on the headline, you told me im going to start making money and now your talking about how scary blogs are and how everyone says theres no money in it.

      Try something more along these lines.

      If you would like to start making money blogging... and... do so without having to learn a bunch of technical jargon... then this is going to be the most exciting message you have read all day.

      Here is why: A small and crafty group of bloggers are making money hand over fist while the majority of the blogging community are fighting for pennies!

      I thought that you had to work extremely hard and have massive traffic to make lots of money in blogging. However, the secret ive learned is that the amount of traffic you have isn't the most important factor in how much money you make in fact...

      You Can Make Money Even With A Blog That Has A Small Amount Of Highly Targetted, Highly Valuable Traffic

      Heres Why: The amount of money you get for an advertisement varies dramatically. In some markets you are paid peanuts... however... in others you can get as much as...

      $20 Every Time Someone Clicks An Ad On Your Blog!

      Wowza. $20 just to get someone to click? Talk about easy money. And it gets better... because you can maximize the amount of clicks you have by using my sneaky advertising layouts that make you maximum money in minimum time from your blog.

      Bla bla bla bla buy now. This isnt perfect copy, could use some fine tuning but it gives you a general idea of how to go about it.

      There is so much that needs to be done on this salespage, you are focusing WAY to much on setting it up and not nearly enough on how much money im going to make. Call the course an investment.

      I just want to bang my head against the wall when I read this. Your mixing your prospects up, your trying to speak to prospects in different stages of sophistication. etc.

      The real prospect for this is someone who is just getting started. If they get involved in internet marketing for long enough they learn this stuff or learn to outsource it. So... you gotta get em while they're hot.

      Focus on people who have no idea how to go about setting up a blog or making money at it. Be "THE" Guru. Dont even mention the existance of competitors, these people are just getting started, they have no idea other competitors exist until you mention them -- hell i didnt know competitors existed for this until you mentioned them.

      Your prospects are not overly sophisticated but your salescopy is trying to sell someone that is highly sophisitcated. The truth is learning how to do these things is a by product of market sophistication for this -- so you need to go after the people just getting started.

      Position yourself as the super guru and the only person in existance who is teaching these amazing secrets. Be a source of trust and authority in a sea of hype and uncertainty.

      Set up a autoresponder series, follow up with them. Provide content that they will oo and aah over the great guru who is teaching them his darkest secrets to making a fortune online.

      Im not kidding. Get to work, post your revision and ill tear it apart again until you get it working so well that it sucks the cash right out of their pockets.

      Stop calling them a noobie and NEVER talk down to your prospect, you've got a lot of work to do. Get to it.

      P.S. @LoudMac, I like the headline, story + selling the lifestyle is a nice touch.
      Signature

      xResponsive Advertising Agency | Direct Marketing | Online Advertising | Create Breakthrough Campaigns for Your Business http://xresponsive.com

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[418061].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author MaskedMarketer
        Originally Posted by maximus242 View Post

        The picture doesnt speak to me. Why are they dressed in business suits at laptops? Thats not who I am, I dont work in an office, I work at home, by myself. The picture confuses me.
        \

        I agree as the picture confuses me.

        Originally Posted by maximus242 View Post

        Dont even mention the existance of competitors, these people are just getting started, they have no idea other competitors exist until you mention them -- hell i didnt know competitors existed for this until you mentioned them.
        While its true in this case, sometimes mentioning competitors is good. I've bought from salesletters that mentioned good competition.. You have to really know what your doing and have a superior product to pull it off- its very a bold move.
        Signature

        "One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor        "

        "I Pay Less Attention to What Men Say. I Just Watch What They Do."
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[419183].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author gareth
    Get better graphics. Use video etc
    Signature

    Gareth M Thomas
    Serial Entrepreneur
    Auckland, New Zealand

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[418083].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Peter Burke
      Hi Guys

      This is great stuff.

      I'm buzzing already!

      Again thanks


      Regards


      Peter
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[419042].message }}

Trending Topics