Please would you critique my copy attempt.

by seabro
8 replies
Hi,

If there are any experienced copywriters that could spare a moment to look over my copy and provide some constructive criticism, I would be most grateful.

I have thrown down lots of text in my time but this is the first time I have written with a goal in mind. (Sales).

Please go easy on me, it's my first time but I want to learn.

Credit Card Debt » Don't be a slave to Credit Card Debt for life

ps. I am going to get the header re-designed. I know it is ugly.
#attempt #beginner #copy #copywriting #critique
  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Seabro - looks good. Clean, easy to read, compelling. If I had debt problems I'd be likely to want it....until.....the price.

    I think it all falls apart at your explanations of the price. So you were making 100 pounds a copy and suddenly just stopped for a test? What kind of test? It sounds so "been there done that" - and takes a lot of the credibility out of it for me. Maybe it's because I've been around the MMO "scarcity" BS for too long. But when you started talking about selling something successfully for 100 pounds and are knocking it down to 29 for a test - all I could ask is if it was so damned successful, what are you testing? To see if you can sell it at 1/3 the price? That whole explanation makes no sense at all. Especially since you "reserve the right" to take it back to hardcopy. If you are just running a test - wouldn't it just go back to hardcopy after the test anyway?

    That part needs to be written with a little more credibility - maybe a little less explanation. If it's a test, you need to tell people how long that test is going to take and how long it will be before the price goes back up. An indefinite test doesn't cut it. Don't fall to bad marketing practices just because you see them in the WSO forum.

    Other than that - I think it's good to go.
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • I initially thought this was your headline...

    Credit Card Debt » Don't be a slave to Credit Card Debt for life

    But in the header...at "Are you in Debt? (along the same lines as above)

    Maybe something like:

    Credit Card Debt Isn't a Life Sentence
    Is Credit Card Debt Ruining Your Life?
    I Outfoxed Those Hounding Creditors - You Can Too...

    Just a thought...
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  • Profile picture of the author seabro
    Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really do appreciate it. I am off to implement some changes. Any further constructive criticism / ideas most welcome.
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    • Originally Posted by seabro View Post

      Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really do appreciate it. I am off to implement some changes. Any further constructive criticism / ideas most welcome.
      While you're cleaning up the copy mate, there is a typo too...(small one)
      (There is no risk at all on your part, due to my 100% satisifaction guarantee.)


      The guide looks interesting...
      I wouldn't mind knowing how to outfox the hounding creditors myself!
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Hi,

        From what I've read, you've got a very valuable Guide.

        Here's how I would handle the whole piece,
        have it as an advertorial piece which looks like
        it's been torn out of a newspaper.

        It looks like a news story.

        A headline like...

        -----------------------------------------------------------
        6 Credit Card Companies Wipe Cardiff Man's $62,500 Debt...
        Now He's Showing You How
        -----------------------------------------------------------

        Study those types of ads which fit in the editorial style
        of the newspaper or magazine they are in.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author thetrafficguy
    How are you going to drive traffic to it? Makes a big difference what you need to say/layout.

    Also take the "too" out of the headline.
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    "Use This Trick To Make An Extra $50 - $500 Per DAY!"
    Click Here To Check It Out Before The Price Jumps Up AGAIN!
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