Men's Fashion & Grooming Guide - Critique | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

13 years ago

The obvious one is the feature pictures of attractive, well groomed men being fondled by attractive, well groomed females.

Also, what are your keywords, target demographics, advertising budget, advertising outlets and media networks?

Most importantly, men don't want to be told how to groom. They want to be the alpha male. Rename your entire package to something that suggests dominance through attraction, push people's buttons of feeling unattractive in your copy and PM me if you want some professional work.

Thanks

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MissPatty

13 years ago

Hey JTv1,

I agree with @Studio13, that you should probably try to balance a bit more the copy and the pictures so that the "average guy" feels like he is a good fit for the product. Maybe put up an average guy surrounded by one or several top models looking women. I see that you are using the "zero to..." feeling. Put it forward, make it scream throughout the sales copy!

As a confessed fashionista, I LOVE how you are putting forward the fact that a guy may need to style up in order to get more attention. Now that's me - and I'm a woman and I'd love to hear such arguments from any book or product. When it comes to men in the dating niche - I believe their buying trigger is more in transforming them from shy into conversation starters.

Ask yourself: who are your typical buyers? I would personally think shy guys, who have a very low self-esteem and need a little boost in the right direction... should it be through styling advices or more!

Think about your typical/ideal buyer and look at your sales letter through his yes - you'll notice that he'll run far away from your page if he sees someone who is so attractive while he feels so shy.

Keep me posted on how it's going

Good luck,

- Patty

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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KingOfContentMarketing 13 years ago

The testimonials seem kind of dull to me. Right now the testimonials are saying "The guide is good. The guy knows what he is talking about. Great stuff."

It would be better if a regular bloke said something like "Wow! I read the style guide and changed my whole look. That afternoon I got the numbers of three babes down at the local pub!"
- Joe Blow
Manchester, UK

Or something like that.
- Thanks
Signature

Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
- Jack Trout
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JTv1

13 years ago

Thank you!

To be honest, I was expecting to be bashed for my newbie-ness, but I'm glad to find such a supportive online community.

Anyways, I updated the page, taking everyone's comments into consideration. It was appreciated.

styleguide.getgirlsnotgame.com

Thanks
1 reply

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Alex Cohen 13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

Thank you!

To be honest, I was expecting to be bashed for my newbie-ness, but I'm glad to find such a supportive online community.

That's because only nice people have responded so far.

There's a group of mean people here who are prowling for the scent of new blood... so we, er, they can attack you like a herd of ravenous wolves.

LOL

Seriously, what's with the yellow shading? Very poor design element when you shade so much text like that.

Alex
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- JTv1 13 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Alex Cohen
  
  Seriously, what's with the yellow shading? Very poor design element when you shade so much text like that.
  
  Alex
  
  You're not wrong. I figured the highlighting would, ya know, highlight what the product included. I changed it to a checklist instead, although I'd still like to include highlighting key phrases.
  
  Thanks
  
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Daniel Scott

13 years ago

I'll chime in briefly...

First of all... as a guy with the fashion sense of a Ukranian sloth-toad who has been working on changing that recently... I'd say I'm at least somewhere near your target market.

And here are my big takeaways...

1. The headline's just plain offensive... and this is coming from a guy who just finished having a very frank discussion with a friend regarding what (and who) they did on their weekend.

I think anyone interested in this stuff kinda envisions themselves as a little classier. Plus, your subhead instantly turned me off reading further (apart from critique purposes) because I went "If a girl's that damn shallow, why do I want anything to do with her?"

Yes... I dig first impressions matter. But you're making the female sex out to be blood-sucking gold-diggers... which isn't (usually!) accurate.

Plus... do women really get "dripping wet" just from spying a guy across the room? Not the ones I know... it just creates interest. Maybe I just move in different circles but I think this will scream BS to your market.

I dig what you're trying to do here, but the execution (and maybe even the whole concept) needs to be tweaked, refined, and launched with a little more subtlety.

2. Your story came across as complete BS. I'm not saying it is - it's probably true - but that doesn't matter if it doesn't FEEL true. I also think it could do with more emotion. If it were me, I'd be talking about how every girl at the reunion was hitting on me, making the other guys - and the stuck-up bitch who turned me down ten years ago - super jealous and how empowering that feels.

3. There's no price justification, strong close, or P.S... not to mention a ton of other proven response-boosters.

There are quite a few more things I saw in my quick glance but hopefully that's enough to get you started.

-Daniel

Thanks
1 reply

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Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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JTv1

13 years ago

Excellent suggestions, Daniel!

I can see how the story might come off that way. It is a true story though, haha.

Thanks again, your thoughts were implemented.

J

Thanks
2 replies

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Mark Andrews

Banned 13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

...your thoughts were implemented.

J

Raises an eyebrow at this...

Look Like The Dominating Alpha Male That Gets Women Dripping With Anticipation To Meet You

Is this seriously the best headline ^ you can come up with?

Really? As in... really, really?

What purpose do you think this current headline of yours serves?

And how do you think it could be improved upon?

Mark Andrews

Thanks
1 reply

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JTv1

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Mark Andrews

Raises an eyebrow at this...

Look Like The Dominating Alpha Male That Gets Women Dripping With Anticipation To Meet You

Is this seriously the best headline ^ you can come up with?

Really? As in... really, really?

What purpose do you think this current headline of yours serves?

And how do you think it could be improved upon?

Mark Andrews

Best that I can think within the last hour, yes.

No doubt, it can definitely be better. My purpose to get men feeling they can have the confidence to be able to approach women...or have women approach them. Point being, they're attractive.

Thanks
1 reply

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Alex Cohen

13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

Best that I can think within the last hour, yes.

No doubt, it can definitely be better. My purpose to get men feeling they can have the confidence to be able to approach women...or have women approach them. Point being, they're attractive.

Without believability, your sales letter will fail.

And it's not believable that a woman will get dripping wet by simply looking at a guy.

(Sorry ladies... didn't mean to be crass. I had to repeat that portion of the headline to make the point.)

Alex

Thanks
1 reply

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JTv1

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

Without believability, your sales letter will fail.

And it's not believable that a woman will get dripping wet by simply looking at a guy.

(Sorry ladies... didn't mean to be crass. I had to repeat that portion of the headline to make the point.)

Alex

I'd argue otherwise, but I understand your point.

I've followed the templates from the dating advice industry (my target audience), more specifically, the pickup artist community. And of course, that community can greatly exaggerate.

Thanks
1 reply

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Mark Andrews Banned 13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

I'd argue otherwise, but I understand your point.

The point is, you don't understand Alex' point.

This main headline of yours is dreadful. Don't take it personally. Everyone on this thread is a professional copywriter from reply #4 down. We know what works and this current headline of yours spells out a massive fail.

By all means keep it and ignore the advice offered here if you choose to, but I'll guarantee you this, keep it and your potential profit is going to plummet.

The copywriters here are giving you free advice to put dollars in your pocket. It's up to you whether or not you implement our advice but to not do so... will only hurt your profit at the end of the day.

Look Like The Dominating Alpha Male That Gets Women Dripping With Anticipation To Meet You

Dripping with what? Sweat? Hmmmmm nice! Not.

Or do you mean dripping wet down below? Like Alex said, sorry ladies, don't mean to be crass, just quoting this guys present main headline. If this is an irresistible benefit which inspires in the mind of the reader to read the next line down below of your sales funnel - I'll eat my hat.

Change it out immediately. This is NOT your biggest benefit and from a believability point of view, it's simply not true. No matter how well groomed you are, women are not 'dripping with anticipation'. It's a gross exaggeration. It's not believable. Not in the slightest.

And being that it's not believable at all, the whole credibility of your offer is at stake.

In essence, what you've got here is a massive red flag, a filter which will have the majority of your visitors clicking out of your sales page instantly the second they clap eyes on this present headline.

Mark Andrews
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- Doceye 13 years ago
  
  Ukranian sloth-toad ... heh, heh ... heh.
  
  And for some inexplicable reason I find myself shockingly aroused.
  
  Maybe there is something to this market.
  
  Doc
  
  Thanks
  
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Daniel Scott

13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

Thanks again, your thoughts were implemented.

J

I'm a professional copywriter. I do this day in, day out, to pay my bills.

And there is no way I could make those tweaks in a few hours.

If you want to get serious about creating good copy, you're going to have to spend at least a couple of weeks on this - for a first draft.

Then re-write it a hundred times before you get it where it should be.

I'm not saying this to be a dick... just pointing out how much work you've gotta be willing to put in to produce great copy.

-Daniel

Thanks
2 replies

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Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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Mark Andrews Banned 13 years ago

The point Daniel is making is, no professional copywriter could implement changes so quickly to correct all of the problems with this piece, let along somebody who is completely inexperienced.

It would take us at least a couple of days minimum to make all of the necessary changes, I'd recommend you put aside at least a couple of weeks, if not more, to bring this up to par.

And if you haven't got that amount of time to spend on this, outsource the copywriting to somebody who knows what they're doing. The investment will be more than worth it, depending of course on the quality or lack thereof of the product on offer.

Best,

Mark Andrews
- Thanks
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Alex Cohen

13 years ago

I'm wondering what the prospect thinks will solve his problem (the conversation going on in his mind).

Is it better fashion and grooming?

Or is it learning a good pickup line?

Or a technique that will control his anxiety when meeting women?

Or something else?

I haven't done the research, so to quote GJA, "I don't know". LOL

My guess... fashion and grooming are low on the list. Too much effort and change involved.

Alex

Thanks
1 reply

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JTv1

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

I'm wondering what the prospect thinks will solve his problem (the conversation going on in his mind).

Is it better fashion and grooming?

Or is it learning a good pickup line?

Or a technique that will control his anxiety when meeting women?

Or something else?

I haven't done the research, so to quote GJA, "I don't know". LOL

My guess... fashion and grooming are low on the list. Too much effort and change involved.

Alex

I see fashion & grooming as the tools that will build a more confident, sexy looking man...who, in turn, will have less anxiety approaching women because of what he has built up (his style).

Title of the book is 'Supercharge Your Style'. Go that's the goal, but I understand for my audience that fashion and grooming aren't don't have that instant appeal to want to fix.

It's what comes with the fix (i.e. being attractive, attracting women) that's the appeal.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks
1 reply

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Alex Cohen 13 years ago

Originally Posted by JTv1

I understand for my audience that fashion and grooming aren't don't have that instant appeal to want to fix.

That's the point. People want quick and easy fixes.

Without one or the other, you're swimming upstream trying to sell your product.

Alex
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- 1 reply
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- ewenmack 13 years ago
  
  One of the most powerfull tools A list copywriters use
  when called in to lift response of an existing promo...
  
  Is...
  
  adding STRONGER PROOF ELEMENTS for every promise and claim.
  
  If you can't match the proof with the promise,
  then wind it down or take it out.
  
  Run the proof test over every promise and claim you've made
  and adjust.
  
  Best,
  Ewen
  
  Thanks
  
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JTv1

13 years ago

No, you're not being a dick. I understand. This is my first time venturing into internet marketing, so I got a few things to learn

Thanks

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RefundHost

12 years ago

1
Move the 3 photos of the guys with chicks to the very top ( under headlne )
until you can get 3 photos of guys with 2 girls each to replace it with.

Create a small ad - eg.

Hot Chicks Love Sharp-Dressed Guys
Learn the secrets of what women like and what they don't.
Download our FREE BONUS ebook on how to please women in bed,
written by two smoking hot chicks!

3
Go to local schools and universities. Hire a student to put a NICE ( 1/4 page ) ad
( 4 per piece of paper when cut up ) to place the ads over all the urinals. Revisit
a week later. See how it goes. ( best if you do one location per week so you
can track which sends the most traffic. Also, give a chapter away FREE for
an opt-in. You don't even need an autoresponder service - just set up an
autoresponder on your domain email or use a gmail account. Then you can
hit them with offers forever...including affiliate offers. )

Thanks

Signature

A Great Xmas ClickBank Product - Highest Commission Rate & Low Refund Rate - Email it or use a Banner christmastrivia.ca

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Men's Fashion & Grooming Guide - Critique

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