would love some copywrting reviews for my site

3 replies
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#copywrting #love #reviews #site
  • Profile picture of the author Centurian
    The first thing that hits me wrong is the photo.

    Your picture does not validate your claim.

    This guy is not sexy. He may be a serious street-fighter, but he's not sexy.

    He's bald with tattoos. That is not the genre of sexy, maybe for some, but not the mainstream market.



    Remember a picture is worth "a thousand words," so this is your first "copywriting" impression. It doesn't support your claim.

    Who wants to look like him? Again some may, but most aspire to a Hollywood or hero image.

    These photos may be licensed for your use or search on istockphoto.com:
    Marcus Schenkenberg Images, Graphics, Comments and Pictures - Myspace, Friendster, & Hi5
    Include a female to broaden sales appeal to both sexes:
    Female Fitness model Ava Cowan, fitness model, fashion model, and swimsuite model Ava Cowan.
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    One problem is your first two paragraphs. This is prime real estate in a sales letter.

    You talk about yourself. But no one cares about you. Talk about your credentials later in the sales letter. When you are talking about yourself in the first paragraph, you have already lost your reader.

    Write a first paragraph or two that grabs your reader's attention.

    Then tie in how your background gives you the credibility to offer your product.

    Your "in your face" style of copy is inconsistent with other parts of your sales letter.

    Plus, your design is jarring...too much red etc. The design of your site needs a re-design.

    Best,

    Thomas O'Malley
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    • Profile picture of the author ipdster
      I'm not a copywriter, but from a customer point of view, the second video would have made me close the page. The guy doesn't seem to believe what he's saying, and he keeps on rubbing his eye which represents holding something back. He's also obviously just reading a script.

      The 3rd video is much more genuine. If it was me I would replace the second vid with the third one.

      Any chance you can add a video of a guy who is not in the same demographic? As is it seems like those are your college buddies.

      I hope that helps. Good luck.
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