Quick review of a sales page?

by sandrasims

Posted: 13 years ago 12 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi Fellow Warriors!

I have a new sales page up and am wondering if there is anything left out of the sales page. You know how you read something a hundred times, know it back and forward. A fresh set of eyes might show something I am completely overlooking. I don't want to leave any questions lingering in the reader's mind.

Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. Thank you!

http://qandaformula.com/

#page #quick #review #sales

andynathan 13 years ago

you do not have an action step, like buy now. Not sure what the client is supposed to do next.
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ThomasOMalley 13 years ago

Get rid of your header...very weak. The Q&A Formula says nothing to your reader

Your headline is weak as well. And your subhead below the headline is weak. Plus, don't use your name unless everyone knows it.

Don't use "From the desk of"...I didn't know a desk could talk.

I would use Dear Internet Marketer...probably more effective.

You assume that people know the advantage of Q&A sites...a dangerous assumption. I'm interested in driving more traffic to my site...but I will quickly leave a sales letter if I can't understand it. You make your readers work too hard.

End your letter with a signature and a P.S.

Remember, you're writing a sales letter, not a flyer or brochure.
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sandrasims 13 years ago

Thanks for your feedback. The product is not live so that's why there is no call to action or buy link yet.

Thomas,

Thanks for your suggestions. I for sure don't want to make people work to hard to understand the benefits.

I use my name and picture as a way to be more personable, to add credibility.

I'll work on the headings and benefits. Thanks!
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Studio13 13 years ago

See if you can work this headline into your copy:

"Sleeping Florida man arrested in drive-thru, offers cops taco as I.D. from inside burning car."

My apologies on not offering more constructive tips, but I'm feeling nefarious today! I hope you don't mind.
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- Azarna 13 years ago
  
  The testimonials could easily be made up, there are no hotlinks or anything to make me believe them. Plus Eric's picture was used on a site in 2010 - Valle d’Aosta: incentivi alle aziende agricole verdi | Prestitotto - Magazine
  plus two others. Of course this could still be him,he might have used it for many things, but with no other details to make me think he is real, I would now assume he is a made-up testimonial.
  
  When the testimonials are such a big part of the page I really think they need to be a bit more 'quantifiable'. Do these individuals have blogs that you could link to? Are they recognised in some field?
  
  The cute picture of yourself and Micah is a nice touch. Plus I like that you say a bit about who you are. I also like the fact you don't use loads of silly crossed out things, fake 'handwriting' and other loud, in your face things. This is a professional looking, calm and organised sort of pitch, which makes me think that your product is also likely to be professional and good quality. I would have liked it more if there was a price, but I suppose you want to hold that back until one has seen the full WSO post :-)
  
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  sandrasims 13 years ago
  
  Hi Deborah,
  
  Thank you for your insights! On the WSO thread there will be links to where the testimonials came from. Since the report is not for sale yet, these were all from people who got a review copy. After it's live then I'll be able to get additional quotes from people who purchased.
  
  I really wanted to balance the need to SELL with being personable and making the page not so garish. So I'm glad to hear that approach is working.
  
  thanks again!
  
  PS I will add the price soon!
  
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sandrasims 13 years ago

Thanks for the laugh... darn, guess that headline won't work this time.
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sandrasims 13 years ago

This WSO is now live - the first 50 warriors will get it at only $7.

http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...ml#post4860615

If you still have copywriting suggestions you can still post them here.

Thanks for all your feedback!
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Sandra Sims

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kiteg2 13 years ago

Done a pretty good job on the I, me, my side but you can still do better.
Vey common mistake.
(also makes it less wordly so it advances the copy better)

Exact results that I had with this strategy =
You get the exact powerful results

And once I started outsourcing the actual work? Holy cow…=
And once outsourced, Holy cow…

(just tweak them a bit, and go through the rest of the copy)

You’re probably working too hard…
Probably to soft this early in the copy

Anyone can do this easy, “unspoken” backlinking tactic to actually get some quick, targeted, FREE traffic.

What would they be thinking? this does not address it for me.
"We hear that every day, why are you different?"

Love the logo

Would have the image of you in the left hand side, A powerful headline above that.

Q&A Formula
How To Use Simple Q&A Sites
To Explode Your Search Engine Listings

And imagine getting PAID for sharing your backlinks, too! Not sure this is powerful enough here. What are they thinking...”What does it mean to me a cent click year right what a waste of time” Don’t think this is powerful enough.

Stay here as underground marketing maven Sandra Sims reveals untapped & FREE traffic and backlinking sources, that pay you to share your links!

Try swapping them and see if that is better.

I would add a Johnson box a call to action, and a video sales letter.

That should give you a bit of food for thought
but the acid test is are they buying.
And if they are is it highter than 1-2%

If so you copy is great, if not you need to tweak.

Good luck with it.
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kiteg2 13 years ago

Ready to stop SEO slavery and win Google's love even faster?

kick your website...

Great

You’re probably working too hard…

Works much better in the wso because the headlines are much better.

Would be great if you could get a testimonial with actual results.

Great job, good luck
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- slamp Banned 13 years ago
  
  this is one powerful benefits from your salespage :
  
  Get amazing traffic to your websites, build a massive list, and set yourself up as an expert in your niche!
  
  just add a time frame ..
  
  eg :
  ....set yourself up as an expert for any niche in under 30 days!
  
  don't you think it's much better to start from that powerful point ?
  
  good luck
  
  ps: i have a wonderful feeling that you can create a world class sales letter
  
  Thanks
  
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sandrasims 13 years ago

You have a lot of great observations and suggestions. Thank you!
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Sandra Sims

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