Please review my sales letter

5 replies
Hey you warriors!

Thanks for letting me make my first post on the warriors forum!

I have created an e-book on "How to cope with your son being gay". It´s basically for mothers who really have some issues with their homosexual kids.


I would like to hear from you:
Would you buy?

What would you change? / What can I improve?



Thanks a lot for your help!
#letter #review #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Maddrax
    Ah, I am sorry. Not allowed to post a link just yet. But I´ll come back when I got 15

    Thanks anyway.
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    • Profile picture of the author Maddrax
      Hey,

      Sorry for "bumping" this post, but I got now the minimum requirements to add links to my posts.

      So please give me your honest "devastating" feedback on my sales page.

      What can I improve?

      What to do when your son is gay...
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      • Profile picture of the author Kevin Rogers
        Hi Maddrax,

        Uncomfortable subject; my favorite kind.

        Here are my notes on your letter:

        1. Who is your market? The letter is written to parents or family members of a recently "outed" gay person. As the letter sympathizes, they are in a bit of shock. They don't know how to feel, let alone how to deal with feeling that way. The first thing they're going to want is some DISCREET advice. This isn't something you run by the neighbors to get their thoughts.

        So, my suggestion is to tone down the size and color of headlines and subheads. Show sympathy for their situation by not shouting "YOUR SON IS GAY!" all over the page. They might be reading at work or in a public place and they're probably not ready to share their new secret with the world yet.

        Sales letters do not require big red headlines to sell. Especially in a very specific and urgent niche such as this. Try making the page look more like an article on a news website or a blog post.

        Same goes for the video, test a version that doesn't auto-start. Again, your reader may be on pins and needles, they'll click to watch. Otherwise I thought the video was quite good.

        2. The letter lingers on the author's story and feelings too long. You might get away with it due to sensitive nature of the subject matter, but it's always best to draw the reader in by including them in the conversation. For instance:

        Change:
        When my son first sat down with me and explained to me that he is gay, I reacted first in disbelief and then in anger. There was a lot of pain.

        To:
        If your son has recently confided in you that he is gay, you may have reacted the same way I did: With anger and disbelief. That's normal... there is a lot of pain right now.

        See how the reader is involved now? Also using phrases like "right now" show sympathy for where the reader is at the moment and foreshadows the idea that it will get better soon (by buying and reading the book).

        3. The bullets are good, I would move them closer to the top of the page.

        4. The name of the book could also use a dose of discretion.

        5. Avoid punctuation turrets!!! It cheapens the effect.

        Last thought... Why is it only geared to parents of a gay son? Wouldn't the advice in the book relate to a so or a daughter? It's great to target specific, but you risk cutting out half your prospects by thinking too narrowly.

        I wish you good fortune,
        Kevin
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        • Profile picture of the author Maddrax
          hi Kevin

          Thank you for reviewing my sales letter! You gave me really necessary and useful tips to improve my sales letter. I still could not make any changes but guess what: I made my first two sales on clickbank!!!

          Now I really know that one can make money online. Thank you very much for your tips.

          Maddrax
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  • Profile picture of the author ezinedomain
    My simple review
    you've added only mothers review , with no one father review
    i think somebody think that book only for mothers
    accept my simple note
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