For Critique...Rewritten and streamlined practice ad copy chevron gas

9 replies
DON'T PLAY RUSSIAN ROULLETTE WITH GASOLINE



Great fuel should propel your engine, not kill it. However, each time you fill up with any other gas than Chevron with Techron, that nozzle may as well be a gun barrel you are jamming into your gas tank. You are driving around blissfully waiting for your engine to blow up.

- But All Gas is the Same, Isn't It?

Sure, all gas is the same. Just like a Chevy Volt is the same as a 1965 and a Half Ford Mustang. And if you did have a '65 and a Half 'Stang, would you put anything other than the best fuel in it? Even if you have an old beater car, you need it to last as long as it can, don't you?

- The Big Three Agree

Since 1973, when their cars roll off the assembly line, Dodge, Chevy and Ford have used Chevron fuel to test their new cars for emissions regulations. 22 years before the '95 EPA Deposit Control Requirements came into effect.

Ha! They don't have Chevron gas in Michigan, I hear you say. That's right. The Big Three pay extra to have Chevron gas brought in from Kentucky.

Speed Doesn't Kill...Speed Kills It!

If you want to pull into "Loser Gas For Less" so you can save enough money to snap into a slim jim at their snack counter, be my guest! I'll be roaring out of Chevron, tearing up the grades, getting better fuel economy and cleaning my engine to boot. That extra ten-cents a gallon I paid? I used my Chevron Visa, so I saved ten-cents a gallon, anyway, plus 3% on the ice-cold Coors six-pack, chilling in the back seat.

I know you're not the kind who is going to just blindly read what some jerk like me says and be converted. Why don't you go into a few garages and randomly ask the mechanics what kind of fuel they recommend you use? I'll see you at the finish line.
#chevron #copy #critiquerewritten #gas #practice #rewritten #streamlined
  • I kind of did a quick re-write of your idea...tell me your thoughts,,


    THE BIG 3 AGREE - FUEL YOUR ENGINE - DON'T FOUL IT

    The Fact is - Cheap Gas is Bad Fuel Economy - And That's Bad For Your Wallet - And Your Car.

    A Cleaner Engine Means Better Fuel Economy And Better Gas Mileage.

    But isn't all Gas the Same, You Say? After All...Gas is Gas!

    Sure, all gas is the same...And a Chevy Vega is the same as a Chevy Corvette...

    Not all gasoline is formulated to make your car run longer, cleaner, and more efficiently...

    The Fact is, Bad Fuel Can Foul Your Fuel System, Your Spark Plugs...and Eventually Ruin Your Engine. Carbon buildup from poorly misfired fuel can cause serious mechanical problems down the road...

    The Big Three All Agree on at Least One Thing...Chevron with Techron -

    Since 1973, when their cars roll off the assembly line, The Top Three Automakers in Detroit (Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler) have used Chevron with Techron to test their new cars to meet and exceed emissions regulations...

    That's 22 years before the '95 EPA Deposit Control Requirements came into effect.

    Chevron with Techron is formulated to keep your new car running new - and your old car feel new again.

    In fact, Chevron with Techron is not sold in Detroit - crazy as it sounds, they have Chevron with Techron trucked in from Kentucky to use in their testing of every new car...

    At Chevron, we appreciate the extra care the top 3 automakers use for your new car, and would like to see you using our gasoline to keep your car running like it should...for many happy miles, and many years to come...

    Try Chevron with Techron at your next fill-up...your car will thank you for it -and so will your wallet.

    Cheers,
    3M
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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      hi 3m,

      Am flattered that you asked for my opinion. I will give it, inexperienced in cw as it is.

      as you can see i liked the gearhead slant and ran with it, perhaps a little too far? I could almost hear duane allmand playing slide guitar in the background.

      I hate to lose the russian roulette angle, but that is maybe over the top. Fuel your engine, not foul it it GREAT! I liked having "kill" in there, but fuel not foul is more sensible and paves the way for the arguments that come later. I do think 'bad for your wallet...good for your wallet...' etc is cliche, but you're throwing examples out there on my behalf and on your own time, so i get that.

      Chevy Vega the same as a Chevy Corvette. DAMN! That's the itch that i just could not scratch, effing great, that! Then you went on to state the FACTs about what bad fuel does to your car, which I did not. I painted grand metaphors, you hit the target.

      Many happy miles to come!!! happy miles sounds like happy smiles and it just flashes what you want the person to see in their head.

      I miss the slim jim part, but of course, none of what I wrote could be used by Chevron because it sounded like...a jerk selling Multi level marketing?

      Yours was neat and professional. If I was comissioned I would have to do it like that. I will have to learn when 'obnoxious' is acceptable.

      It also seems you have much shorter lines than I did. Major headline, short follow up, move on kind of thing.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to work on that! That really pumps me up and it showed me a few things too, without you just telling me what i did wrong.

      I think I may have learned a little bit today, thanks again
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  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    Hey again. I'm back for round 2.

    Before I really get into it. I want to point something out, because it is a perfect example of bad practice, and bad thinking(when it comes to copy).

    Which is, trying to be witty, clever, or overall writing for applause.
    (Chapter 2 of Scientific Advertising, page 223 in my copy,
    says it best:
    This is one of the greatest advertising faults. Ad-writers abandon their parts. They forget they are sales men and try to be performers. Instead of sales, they seek applause.)

    Look at your headline.

    "DON'T PLAY RUSSIAN ROULLETTE WITH GASOLINE"

    What does this actually mean? Are you suggesting that it would be unwise to take the bullets out of my gun, and replace them with gasoline, before I play my next round of Russian roulette?

    What are you really trying to say here?

    If you apply the above question to many bad headlines, they would become less terrible with almost every iteration.

    You should always try and find the bare bones of what you're trying to say. Your message in its simplest form. And then from there, you can start to think of other ways of giving the sentence more impact.
    The Gary Halbert Letter
    (see section E)

    More on your headline - What appeal are you using? What are some of the benefits? How are you targeting or attracting your prospects with that headline?

    Much can be said about the rest of your ad. But I feel like once you've fixed your headline the rest of your ad will have a clearer direction, overall.


    -Andy
    Signature

    Site being revamped.

    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

    Cool.

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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      that is a rock solid point about cleverness! Elmore Leonard said, regarding rewrites: "If it looks like writing, I rewrite it."

      Need more not be clever me
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  • I fully understand Everton, The roulette and slim jim analogies can still be incorporated...(in fact, in the Silicon Valley, there is a cheap gas station chain called "Awful Bros" gas. - I kid you not - I don't know how they ever survived.

    I saw where you were going with the volt / mustang analogy, but it was comparing apples to oranges, and the terminology was not what a gearhead would say - no offense, but it's like pulling in into a biker joint on a wannabe Harley - you wouldn't be fooling anybody...they know.

    The term "65 and a half Ford Mustang" would not be used, or a good comparison (plus the original Mustang wasn't exactly a screamer off the line...neither was the original Corvette). I just copied your script and whittled...you still have a good block to carve on and comparing a chevy to ford just creates a conflict with the ford and chevy guys - both brand loyal - like Harley.

    I mean, look at the Harley brand - people have a brand name tattooed on their arm for crying out loud...

    Did you ever see a Cook with "Henckels - Live to Cook - Cook to Live" on their arm? Probably not! :rolleyes:

    Have fun with the copy, you can do a lot with it...

    Cheers -
    3M
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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      "Did you ever see a Cook with "Henckels - Live to Cook - Cook to Live" on their arm? Probably not!"

      HAHAHAHA!!! Good point and best laugh of the day for me!
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    Fact check - there was no '65 1/2 Mustang. You probably meant '64 1/2.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    You have that intense brand loyalty tied to vehicles because they define us. In America at least, you are are what you drive (or aspire to drive). If you play that card right you can attach some strong emotion to choosing the right gas.

    I like the way you decommoditize gas by telling the story of the Big 3 going the extra mile to use Chevron.
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    • Profile picture of the author Everton1
      this forum is amazing, really. Again, more to think about, and thank you!
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