Interesting Split Tests Result

Short Headline Vs. Long One ...

This is an old debate and your results are definitely interesting.

Here's my take on it: What's more important than the length of your headline is how you say it. Sometimes a few words are enough to pass on the message and there are times when you have to use a longer headline to get the point across.

I've noticed that longer headlines work as long as you're not beating around the bush.

In your example, the shorter headline hardly conveyed any excitement - it just looked cold. While the longer one looked 'adrenaline-pumped' and also successfully conveyed your unique selling point. It had power. It touched 'emotions'. It gave details while maintaining the curiosity. And hence got better results.

The key here is to ensure that your headline is to the point and isn't vague in any way. That's all that matters.

This is an interesting result. Just looking at it I would probably click through the second one instead of the first one, so I am intrigued about this.

Just shows that split testing everything is extremely important.

How are you generating your email list. Is it through people who have previously purchased through you or contacted you via phone, or are you offering freebies in exchange of a signup?

I think the method that the person signs up is extremely crutial to the conversion rates in ANY email marketing campaign. If you put the same split test up on someone elses list you may get opposite results.

It's all about the particular mindset that you attract through your website both conciously and subconsiously.

Cudos to you split testing!

I definitely see more value in the first one to be honest. The second one just makes me think that once I open the e-mail I'm going to have to work my tail off to fix my website. Then again it does depend on your target audience as everyone has their own mindset and their own way of absorbing words.

Hi

That is interesting. I think your target market will have an impact as well.

You say you are selling websites to offline businesses. Since they are offline, many may not have as much experience with online marketing.

They may also need more hand-holding and are at a point where they don't really know where to start so the quick promise of a 1-hour consultation (where they can ask about "the catch") and a free marketing package would be appealing.

The second headline, I think, would be more effective with Internet Marketers or more experienced online businesses that are more familiar with the IM marketing approach of a "secret" and vague or no description of what you get.

Pavlov's dog didn't salivate when you blew a whistle.

Was the 'expert" opinion given after looking at your business, your market and your marketing plan? Or was it offered up as a suggestion based on email or an informal discussion?

Edit: You say the copy was identical. Was the 60 minute 1-on-1 and free marketing package described in the copy? Maybe it's a case of the headline not driving people to read the copy, where with your headline they don't need to. You pretty much tell them what they are getting right in the headline.

Mahlon

Love the first one. It pegs the meters for relevance and curiosity. It's bold and personal. You also used three words that trigger sexual associations in many peoples minds (especially the way you used them together). Don't discount the power of these subconscious associations.

The second one is what people expect to read in a sales letter. Yawn. Crumple. Trash. Would have been better off using a random line from Shakespeare. At least then they would wonder what the hell is going on.

The longer headline was clearer than the shorter one. Its a big plus for clients to be able to understand better what the headline was about.

Also putting the value on the headline made was a risk but against a headline that wasn't clear made the people think your product and company is trustworthy.

Interesting, but without knowing the context of the rest of the letter and the target market your results don't mean a lot.

Don't get me wrong... I think it's great you're testing and sharing. But you've taken one piece of the promotion out of context.

A headline isn't an independent entity. It's part of the whole process (including the type of envelope you use to get people to open it).

I think if you took out the "amazing secret revealed" part the second one could actually kick a lot of ass... depending on who you were targeting, of course.

-Daniel

Let me precede my advice by being honest...

For many, many years, I used to be the last person you would go to for headline writing advice. However, a short time ago, I discovered a very specific type of headline technique that works like crazy that I have now successfully taught to NON-copywriters and NON-marketers(offline), I mean average folks who have never HEARD of the phrase "direct marketing sales letters" in their lives and they all... 100% of them started writing KILLER headlines in as little as 2-10 mins per headline... the one major factor that helped these less-than-newbies write killer headlines at the drop of a hat?....

1. SPECIFICS.

That's one thing that made the OP's headline work better than the second one. People LOVE specifics because the human brain processes information in terms of getting results, solutions to pressing dilemmas, etc, and specific information--not just numbers, but anything SPECIFIC--will simply help to draw in people who really want a solution.... NOW.

Non-spec headlines also work, but I'd be willing to wager that to the right market, a headline with specifics in it will always outperform one without. That's what happened in the OP's test.

2. LENGTH IS LARGELY INCONSEQUENTIAL.

If the second headline offered specifics it would also be doing well. I have heard tell that 17 words is the perfect length for a good headline and the truth is that if the headline is much longer it does often times get boring to read or it looks way too long to some folks for them to WANT to read it. Trust me that is a fact I know from personal experience as a prospect AND a copywriter.

However, if your headline is too short it may not have enough much needed information to convey that drop kick effect you really need to grab their interest and keep them reading and/or get them buying.

However (and here's the kicker)...

If your headline is as long as say 50 words (I'm exaggerating but lets just say that for arguments sake)...if your headline was 50 words and you had specifics all over the thing, it would likely outperform a 17 word headline that didn't offer any (or limited) specific information, that is for example, a teaser or question headline without any specific numbers, dates, ages, status, location etc in it.

3. MOST IF NOT ALL COPYWRITING AND MARKETING TESTS ARE INCONCLUSIVE.

Your tests and mine and virtually every other person's tests in this industry are more often than not inconclusive and they probably always will be until we all conduct our tests on the exact same audience in ultra-controlled and monitored situations--the way real world scientists do.

The latter is simply because all audiences ARE different, no matter what you've been taught, sorry to dispel that myth but there is no such thing as one size fits all copywriting... yes, the AIDA formula will probably always work, and yes super headlines will probably always work, but the kinds of colors, words, phrases, context, specifics, promises etc that you use in your headline and body copy will almost always have to vary depending on YOUR specific audience.

So, OP, I wouldn't get too excited about debunking what many experts have said (re your headline test), since half the time, many experts don't know what they are talking about, and they have only been getting away with their B.S. because people like you don't try to debunk their crazy claims often enough So, well done... I'd love to see more crazy claims debunked in this way, it's about time

4. EXPERTS ARE NOT INFALLIBLE.

Finishing up with the "experts"...

I'm glad you have seen that the fact someone claims or is claimed by others to be an expert often doesn't mean squat... experts are humans thus they are fallible... period.

Don't live by an expert's every word or breath.

Listen to experts with caution and do your own due diligence whenever you want to do anything... hooks, lines and sinkers are used to catch fish for sport or food... if you take the baits that keep being thrown out there, you're either sport or food.

Bottom line, learn from people and then use your own brains just like the OP has done, it almost always works out for the best.

Cheers,

Kunle Olomofe

PS: Simply throwing specifics like numbers into a headline will NOT give you the best results, like anything else in this world you have to do it the correct way, in the best way possible and with the purest of intentions for you to always get the absolute best results possible from a campaign.

PPS: I agree with Ewen, the offer trumps the copy 100% of the time... I'd venture to boldly say... in any market and to any audience... but then, that's left for someone else to debunk with another well planned stress test..;-)

"Why The HELL Doesn't This Website Sell Anything?!"
That's a great headline that I will be swiping in the very near future