Tear My Sales Copy To Shreds!

Read these and learn from them:
http://www.hardtofindads.com/home/br...ype//file.html

You also lack of proof in your copy, and it's way too much 'hyped' only fools would buy it.

I think your basic idea is good, but you spend a bit too much time on the background info and bonuses, and not enough on the main product. I mean, it seems like about 2/5 of it is about your adventures in affiliate marketing, while another 2/5 is about the bonus package, leaving 1/5 of the sales letter dealing with the main product you're selling. I would modify it to give it a better balance.

Best line -

I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I don't like to see this many bonuses to be honest. I get the impression that they are worthless because there are so many...

Promise without proof is called hype.

Hype does not sell.

Plus, we are in 2011. The market is sophisticated. You could have sold something a few years ago this way.

When people actually bought lies. But now, unless you have a ton of proof in the business opportunity market (and weight loss), you're going to have a hard time.

Razvan

keep at it. your popup does not work properly. $10?

my suggestion is for you to concentrate on what is working financially in your life. is it affiliate marketing or something else?

look at exactly what it is that is working for you and expand from there.

concentrate on yourself and not on selling this product.

if "nothing" is working for you financially right now, then look at what has worked for you in the past and go do that. make 3 offers per day to do that.

then, you may have a story to tell with this eBook.

your copy is not convincing, likely because your story is not convincing.

i mean, if you offered your eBook to the people on this thread for free, would any of us learn anything, make any money, or be willing to put out a testimonial on YouTube for you?

if yes, then give it to us. if we can make even a few hundred extra bucks a month based on following what you say, fine. then you have a good product and bad copy and let the testimonials do the work for you.

but you have a life to live, a story to generate, and cash to make. that cash may be hidden somewhere else in your past, present and future.

i'm certain you have provided good service before. i'm certain you've done good work and been paid for it in the past.

my question is: will you connect with that and expand on it or will you chase after things that aren't working?

again, i could be completely wrong, you might be generating $1,000 per day on this or other products.

or, you may be doing ok as an affiliate.

hey, if that's the case, call your website and eBook.

www.doingokasanaffiliate.com and i'd buy into that.

what would i call "doing ok?" eh, round $5K per month.

r u at $5K or above?

if so, write that story and put up a picture of you, your regular car, your kids, spouse(s), etc.

i mean, how awesome would it be to see an affiliate sales page with someone driving a 2003 Oldsmobile Silhouette Van?

"hey everyone, i make $5K per month as an affiliate marketer. i know it ain't much, but i don't work much either. this is my car:

http://www.classycars.org/Oldsmobile...uette%20GL.jpg

i have 2 kids and my ex wife is a satan-spawned narcissist from the depths of hell, but i get to see my kids 50% of the time and we love every minute of our time together.

when i'm not with my kids i spend my time refining my affiliate marketing campaigns, learning to draw, getting back into shape, and sailing.

i put together this eBook for you, because well, i actually make a pretty decent middle-class income online without doing a lot of work, and i figured you might benefit from my techniques. even a seasoned online veteran might be able to learn a thing or two from my eBook, who knows?

so, if you're looking for ...."


etc.

I have plenty of copywriting books. Give me an example of sales copy that will sell you. Maybe I can "somewhat" copy their formula.

What do you mean by a "good offer". I don't understand. I'm offering 15 legitimate affiliate marketing methods for $10. If that's not a good offer I don't know what is.

I changed my headline and added an extra section to the copy. Do you think that's a significant improvement?

My 2 cents worth.

I'm not going to give you a lot of negative criticism. Instead I'm going to try to give you some pointers to make your sales-page a bit better.

It seems to me that this is your first time doing an offer like this.

Recommendation 1:

Take some content from your e-book and make a shorter report to give away free while building your list. Ask for some reviews to put on the sales-page. This will increase credibility.

Create a separate offer-page for the giveaway, stating the benefits of your report. NOT what it is not.

Recommendation 2:

Regarding the present sales-page.

Change your "Attention headline", No one wants to be sold something, instead state a fear or pain that you will alleviate through your product.

State some true benefits "at least 3" of your product, lose the "Doesn't require" bit.


Recommendation 3:

Lower the price dramatically. People will be less inclined to ask for a refund if the price was in the range of ($15-$35).

Recommendation 4 :

scale down a bit on the initial bonuses.

Those bonuses are mostly plr or mrr (I have all of them already). Rewrite them,combine some of them, give them a unique twist. Change the graphics or create new graphics for the bonuses. And make sure that the bonuses add to the value of your product.

Recommendation 5:

If you want to create scarcity, state how many copies you are willing to sell, after that number of sales, take down the site. Maybe add a sales counter, so that people can see that there are not many copies left.


BE A TRUTHFUL MARKETER, our industry need more of those.

Recommendation 6:

In your pop-up Don't sound as if you are standing on your knees and begging for a sale, don't drop your price, rather add another bonus or two that you know will add to the value of the first offer. This will show people YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR PRODUCT and you are prepared to give them even more value for their money.

Recommendation 7:

Rewrite your sales-page psychologically. Press on the fears and pains of your target audience. Then show them how you aspire to alleviate those fears and pains.

Now go and make a good sales-page GREAT.

if you've got 15 secrets that "no one else knows" why not share one of them... Then if it really is a secret people haven't heard of, people will naturally want to see the rest.

Next lose all the bonuses and build the value of the main product. Otherwise, leaving them creates a natural disbelief in readers because of incongruency... What I mean by that is, it leaves them thinking "If this dudes secrets are really so awesome than why does he feel the need to give me all this other $hit too".

If you do insist on keeping them at least come up with a really, really amazing reason why you're giving away the farm.

also have you tested losing all the cheesy headers and background... It looks very PLRish (tm), it doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at what the big players are doing and it's clearly not that. Just sayin.

Two things:

1. I'd be willing to bet this kind of copy would've worked multiple times better five years ago then it's going to work today.

The market is saturated.

2. There's nothing that makes your offer standout or different.

What you need is a way to make the piece more specific and memorable.


I hope you're able to turn a decent profit.

- Rick Duris

And there lies the problem...you ask for your copy to be torn to shreds...yet, you've argued or discounted almost every post.

You're convinced this copy doesn't suck...so, why not take it to the market and see what they think? The only real way to know is to quit asking for advice and critique and instead ASK for sales via this copy...

then you will know it sucks.

Or not.

gjabiz

I counted 27 instances of you using the I.

I, I, I, I, I, I ad infinitum...

...27 instances before you switched the emphasis away from yourself until you used the first instance of 'you'. (Involvement of your readers / potential target audience.)

What does this tell you about your sales copy and... (in view of your sub-main headline)

...what message do you think this sends out to YOUR intended target market Greg?

Best,


Mark Andrews

First thing I see, the orange background. It threw me off. And then the word 'Lazy'. It just says 'instant money' when we know its not that easy to IM.

seems a bit hypey to me. like if it was that great would you talk about it like that?

I feel the words which U have used in ur sigature needs to be more real.

"15 LAZY AFFILIATE MARKETING METHODS" One just cannot make money if he/she is lazy..

Make it look more real..

That's better.

Still, try to use the recommendations 1, 2, 4, 7 from my previous post.

Use Recommendation 1 in your popup to build your list.

Good job so far.