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Not Selling Just Need Your Criticism On My New Offer?

by Tourae
2 replies
Hi everyone, as I am new to offering my services to the warriors I am not sure what I am missing in the way I am coming across. So I am trying to put myself out there to learn the ropes faster with your experiences and guidance. Can you please look at my warriors for hire sales pitch and tell me where I can improve and where I am going wrong since I am very new to my selling my knowledge in what I am comfortable doing for myself?


I just need your input, you can be blunt I don't mind, I am here to learn from you guys who are the best that's the truth here's the link:

http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...uke-x-uaw.html

With my best regards

Tourae
#criticism #offer #selling
  • Profile picture of the author williamo
    Hi Tourae

    I didnt get past the Google Panda the headline or the graphic and font colours.

    Looking from a QuicK "ZING" point of view - where the headline tells me yep, thats whats in it for me as a customer - there was just a confusion in trying to understand what it was all about. Might be ok for SEO people in terms of understanding Google but not anyone else.

    I'm talking from a pure customer viewpoint not one of those expert Warrior type people.

    I think you need to start by recrafting the whole start of the sales page above the Video and thats without even looking at the video or reading below it - it just doesn't work,

    Even this section above the fold the different coloured fonts scream "amateur" and thats deadly to your sales copy.

    I had a very brief scan of the rest of the page and immediately found a spelling error ODER instead of ORDER.

    The I tried to work out what the offer was about and it was diffucult to easily intepret

    Anyway, it just doesnt work for me


    Sorry if that appears harsh
    regards
    Bill
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  • Profile picture of the author mattpaul2000
    Some testimonials would probably help...have you thought about offering the service for free for a limited time in exchange for honest opinion. It will give buyers some confidence and demonstrate (to a certain extent) the work you have done before.
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