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Is my sales letter good?

by ipdster
6 replies
My website is travelandgetlaid.com
Do you guys have any suggestions? You can be blunt, I won't be offended. Thank you!
#good #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    The first bullet is inconsistent with the headline. By using the word "hopefully" you completely dilute the headline's power.

    Also, there's an element of confusion. By introducing "Jack Wolfe" at the very end, the reader is left wondering if he will get one or two reports.

    Third bullet could use some work, too.

    Alex

    17 to go
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  • Profile picture of the author seobro
    I got the following message:
    This Connection is Untrusted
    Well, I am not sure.

    This came from my anti virus program.
    It is NOT a net nanny.
    Signature
    http://www.seobro.com
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    You need better bullets
    Signature

    xResponsive Advertising Agency | Direct Marketing | Online Advertising | Create Breakthrough Campaigns for Your Business http://xresponsive.com

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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Value, value, value!!!

    Where's the freaking value?

    So what, you have a 6 page report...

    ...Um, can you PLEASE try harder to convince me that your "report" will tell me something I don't already know?

    On the other side of your opt-in is an annoying email confirm.

    Way too much trouble when you haven't even remotely sold me on ANYTHING!

    Make sure BEFORE you post here (or broadcast to the online universe) that you have something of REAL value.

    Because when you do, your copy will FEEL like it's fronting something worthy of my time and energy, rather than obvious bait for me to give away my email addy.

    Sorry mate, a good squeeze page (not a sales letter in this case) should have WAY more impact and give me the impression I'm in for something special.

    Try animating the possibilities of what I can look forward to if what's in your 6 page guide can actually help me.

    In other words...

    Why am I so miserable when I'm traveling and no matter what I do, I can't seem to EVER get laid?!?!

    I apologize (to everyone) if I'm coming across a little angry.

    I'm just REALLY disappointed when I don't perceive there's any VALUE evident in the offers wannapreneurs post...

    Cheers!

    Mark
    Signature

    Do you want a 9 figure copywriter and biz owner to Write With You? I'll work with you, on zoom, to help write your copy or client copy... while you learn from one of the few copywriters to legit hit 9 figures in gross sales! Discover More

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    • Profile picture of the author ipdster
      Thank you all for your input!

      I've worked on the bullet points, and cleared up the stuff regarding the author. Since then, I've doubled my opt-in rate! (I have some google ppc going on)

      I contacted my programmer regarding the secure connection alerts, I'll see what he comes up with.

      Regarding the value that my website gives to the visitor, I'm going to re-arrange the site. I'm going to break down the report into multiple posts on the website. They will be available without the opt-in.

      For additional value, I'm going to add helpful tips to those guys who will be traveling. These tips will be available on the website or in convenient emails.

      Thanks again!
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