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Any Critique For my 1st sales page?

by ronitdeep
8 replies
I've created a sales letter,Till now adsense was my main source of income.but now i decided to start with CB.
its in p*rn addiction niche[basically health niche]..

Here is the site:
Code:
po*rnaddictionfree[dot]com
Opinions on copy, headlines, graphics and anything else are greatly appreciated.
#1st #critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author SamJ
    1. Comb through it for much better sentence structure and basic grammar, it doesn't flow well.

    2. How is porn addiction going to "ruin my life"? Give me a story, maybe some kind of hypothetical scenario and set out the problem much more clearly.

    3. Dispense with "…and there are more." and "…and there are other signs too." You are a comprehensive authority.

    4. You may need to convince the reader that they are suffering a problem. And don't discount spouses buying the product because they think their husband is a porn addict.

    5. The introduction does not grab my attention. You'd want something like this (off the top of my head and needs editing):

    What if I told you you were suffering from a serious and harmful addiction? One that has just as strong a grip as heroin or cocaine?

    Now imagine that that addiction is to pornography.
    That isn't by any means a rock solid intro, but remember that you need to grip the reader with the gravity of the situation right up front.

    As an aside, move navigation to small links at the bottom.
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  • Profile picture of the author ronitdeep
    I have decided to write a new copy,with suggestions kept in mind.
    but 1 copywriter told me that this kinda book is difficult to sell even with good copy...is it so?
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by ronitdeep View Post

      I have decided to write a new copy,with suggestions kept in mind.
      but 1 copywriter told me that this kinda book is difficult to sell even with good copy...is it so?
      This is something you should've known before creating your product.

      You need to look at the market: how many similar products are being sold, if they're actually selling, if affiliates are promoting them, how much they're paying for traffic (or even if they can afford to buy traffic), etc.

      And then look at your prospect: do they think they've got a problem, do they care, who's the actual buyer, etc.

      From the above you should be able to gauge how difficult it is to sell. But bear in mind that no market is "easy" to sell in (and especially so if you don't know anything about it).
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      Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author hoffman
    First you have to find your competitor then you have to planing the marketing strategy.
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  • Profile picture of the author eternalwarrior
    You have chosen a nice niche... The best way to improve a sales letter is too look at competitor's sales page and identify what you are lacking. Also identify what they are lacking.

    I usually read 10 sales letter from top CB products in the same niche for 10 days before I make a sales letter.

    The more sales letter you read, the better you will be at making it. But don't copy other sales letter lol
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    • Profile picture of the author ejunkie
      Nice looking site/page.

      I would also say it is a great niche.

      However, the copy is indeed an issue.

      It is too generic.

      It is like appealing to all porn watchers & trying to convince them all that they are in fact actually addicted and that they should stay away from porn.

      You talk to everybody, you talk to no body.

      Target, tailor & tone up your copy for only those who feels they are indeed addicted to porn & are feeling guilty about it.

      Tell them how they are screwing up (bad pun i know) their own self-esteem, their relationship with their loved ones... figure out pain points.

      Give a graphical example of someone who ****ed up his career, life & what not due to his addiction to porn. And how he faced social humiliation & loss of face when he was forced to admit into a sexual rehabilitation centre etc.

      In short, demonstrate your sales message with a pointed but emotion-laden story, and show them how finally within days they can now live a normal, satisfied, fulfilled, goal-driven, successful, whatever life. All they have to do is click the buy button, of course.

      Delete everything that isn't required to tell your story. Avoid internet marketing kind of language, phrases ... you are not selling 'make money online' stuff.

      Cut the Pope Alexander XXXIIIIVVVIII's preachy tone.... instead make it sound like it is coming from a person who is a mix of a counselor, a doctor and a friend. You know what I mean.

      Moreover, your bullets must do more selling. Make them 'graphic'. Give them more meat. Make them scream & shake your readers.

      For instance,


      * Gain insight on how the male perspective operates

      Could be... (only an example)

      * Why you are chained & controlled by your own male instincts & how to breakfree forever

      Also make your sentences short.

      Relook at your headline as well. Should be punchier... provocative, even better.

      For instance,

      Are you sick & tired of being
      a helpless victim of porn addiction?
      And afraid of being caught by your wife,
      children, parents or colleagues?

      You get the picture.
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  • Profile picture of the author moneywar
    Give examples as to HOW it ruins someone's life, WHAT are the negative effects from too much porn, WHY does one gets to become addicted to porn, HOW IMPORTANT, with examples, is to become cured of porn addiction.
    Those are some key questions and points that you could look further into so that you would grab the reader's attention and make him THINK. Make him aware of the PROBLEM and make him WANT TO FIND THE SOLUTION, which is of course FOUND IN THE EBOOK
    As it is now, the sales page is too generic, it is full of generalised repeatings of the fact thet 'Porn is bad, mkayy' and you should help yourself. Using more concrete examples and scenarios would be beneficial to your conversion rate
    As they say just my 0.02
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  • Profile picture of the author Bigfoot1
    Google "Your Brain on Porn".

    Check out their website. They do a good job of selling the idea that porn addiction is bad for you. Watch their videos and use that to create a sales page.

    Essentially the idea you want to sell is that porn is preventing men from meeting women and its creating sexual dysfunction. You need to be specific about this.

    Also, their target is your target audience. Look at how they're treating their disorders, etc. Get inside your audience's head.
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