Headline Angst

Read "Breakthrough Advertising"... it's one of the best books I've ever read, and goes into a lot of detail regarding headlines and "hooks".

IMHO in your headline you want to put in your hook... the piece of information that's going to stop people in their tracks and force them to read the first sentence.

If you're not sure what your hook is, you need to find it, because it's integral to your marketing process... just like your USP.

-Daniel

P.S. Wondering why I didn't give any suggestions? Because when I do this for my clients it takes hours upon hours to come up with the kind of hook that sizzles and really sells. To do it I need to understand the product, marketplace, consumer, and much more in a very deep way - and that's something you're not going to get on a public forum from anyone.

David,

What i'm feeling from this is that you're trying to come up with a good headline. And if that's the case, what is it you are trying to tell them??? Is it just 'how to make make Algea Biodiesel?' If it is, then that's not too hard to do!

"How To Make Algae Biodiesel Like A Pro"
"Who Else Wants To Learn How To Make Algae Biodiesel?"
"Simple Tips On How To Make Algae Biodiesel At Home"
"Now You Too Can Make Algae Biodiesel Without Any Previous Skills"

But, and i do say a big MASSIVE "BUT". What i believe is missing here is the big IDEA. These headings above will do the trick if that's what your trying to communicate. But aren't they a little boring? Of coure! They don't really grab you do they?

You need to find that big hook that jumps out and knocks em between the eyes, where they feel it.

When you do, it needs to hum, buzz, make you move & whistle, and makes ur prospect say 'ahh yeah thats good, that's what I'm talking about'.

A fictitious example would be:


Of course David, you'd need to find what the market/industry/need etc actually IS, and shoot from there.

Hope this helps.

Here's your head - buried in your (very interesting) body copy -

In 1995 I was touring Vietnam and saw farmers pouring vegetable oil directly into their tractors for fuel.

I couldn't believe it...

Later doing research I found that the Allies and Germans during World War II used to do the same thing. I was hooked.

Maybe you need to expand on that. Did the Germans and Allies just use biofuel for tractors? Or were they running cars, planes, tanks etc with it? And why did it not continue?

Like my colleague above, I don't know the product so I can't help you more than that. But it does sound fascinating.

P.S. I'd get rid of the header - or at least take the copy out - its getting in the way of the headline.

Hi guys,

Thanks for your input. The copy is converting...it just isn't converting as well as I'd like. Usually it is somewhere in the range of 0.85%-1.25%.

jannatus: It not so much I want to tell them "How to make algae biodiesel" it's what they are interested in, and why they are there. I do agree, I need to find the "hook" that grabs them. I've tried so many headlines, tried video, or many different ways now (4-5 years), I know my demographic, I know my customers, but nothing ever seems to lift the conversation rate. I've been tracking it month by month for years. That is the reason I'm seeking help.

Steve Copywriter: yes, the headlines worked as you said, "to a certain extent" (0.85%-1.25%) but I know it can be better. I think it can be 2%-3%. I have the eyeballs, I have the product. (It's a good one) What's proven to work as far as the copy goes is just straight accounting which is why the "sales copy" is a minimum and it basically consists of a table of contents. Most of the other elements are there.

The Copy Nazi: Now were' getting somewhere. :+) That is all 100% true. Yes, the headline I think would hook them. It would appeal to my demographic. I have many comments on the home page bio. My cousin used it in his tractor in Vietnam. The Nazi's and Allies used it (Liberated it) for use in their tanks. As far as the history goes, (and it is pretty interesting) as I understand it, in those days they didn't really have the supply lines we have today. A unit was just let loose and they had to sink or swim on their own. They went around to farmers and took whatever they needed. Many times it was vegetable oil which they poured directly into the tanks, trucks, etc.

My only concern about the headline is that is doesn't immediately state the benefit of why they are there. Once again, my own testing showed that my bounce rate increased when I didn't have an immediate, clarifying, benefit. Engineers, DIY'ers, are an immediate, hands-on, logical, group. However, this is a good topic. It would be interesting to know if I hooked it in another fashion (indirectly) and brought them in through the back door, so to speak, would work.

So I studied headlines on Popular Mechanics. All of the headlines are immediate, and benefit focused. There are a lot of list headline (3 Ways To Make Your Crap Not Stink, etc.) and I've been playing around with those but haven't come up with one that "Talks" to me yet.

BTW, to all of you...thanks for your responses. I hope to get more. It helps also to write out my reasoning as well.

Hi David,

What makes you think your headline is the culprit to your low conversion rates?

In looking at your website, seems to me low conversions could be caused by almost anything.

Good luck and much success,

- Rick Duris

David,

Check out:

ClickTale, The leader in Heatmaps, Usability & Web Analytics